Chaos Factor
by Nemo Blank
Summary: Nodoka puts her foot down, each fiancée must put her best foot forward and of course Ranma puts his foot right in it.
1. Chapter 1

"W- What the hell is this place?" Ranma stood in a deceptive stance, ready to move with every bit of speed that he could muster. He had been standing by the river, examining a pretty blue stone that he'd found and suddenly he was here.

Swallowing, he saw nothing but an endless smooth blue floor and a translucent blue dome overhead, stretching away to eternity. It was… magical.

"Aw, crap."

"A visitor! It has been such a _long _time. Good morning!"

Ranma spun around to face the voice. There had been nothing but endless blue haze in that direction before. Now there was a low round dais, covered with evenly spaced pedestals holding various objects. A small blue horned creature, manlike, but clearly a devil of some sort, stood in the center of the dais smiling at him.

"Great. More magic." Ranma slumped, wearily. He had never had any luck at all with magic. "Okay, so whaddaya want with me?"

The blue devil bowed. "I am here to serve."

Ranma laughed darkly. That would be the day. The thing would be out to get him any time now.

"Yeah, right. Name's Ranma. Ranma Saotome. So who are you?"

"Who am I? Intriguing! No one has ever asked me that question before. Ah, but I digress. I have no name, no personal identity. You see before you an artifact created to serve the dreamstone." The devil gestured at the objects around it on the pedestals. "I collect and guard the talents."

"Talents?" Ranma scratched his head. He knew what talent was, but how could a talent be guarded? Maybe it was some kind of foreign money. He pointed at the pedestal closest to him. "That looks more like an abacus to me."

The devil reached over and picked up the stylized ivory device. It smiled at Ranma, teeth showing. "This is simply a manifestation of the divine talent of a prodigy, a mathematical genius who never got the chance to reveal himself to the world." The creature regarded the tool fondly and then sat it down. "It is quite the find, one of the stone's more recent acquisitions."

Ranma took a step back, shaken. "But… talent is part of the soul! Are you sayin' that you got a bunch of souls trapped up there?"

The devil looked surprised. "I did not say it but it is nonetheless true after a fashion. The dreamstone is drawn to the greatest of talents and becomes their eternal repository. I collect them before they can be squandered in death by you feckless mortals." It smiled, looking speculatively at Ranma. "I only take the useful part of the soul. The rest… a partial soul never survives."

Ranma blinked.

It shrugged, unconcerned with the waste. There were many souls.

"You kill people and destroy their souls?" Ranma was getting angry. "Why?"

The devil enjoyed these arguments. It was the only conversation that it ever got. "Please, it is my function. I was made to perform this function and so cannot be held morally responsible. It is not a bad thing I do, though. I preserve the greatness of the soul! I collect only the best from many worlds and times." The devil strode to the edge of the dais, claws clicking, possessively brushing various talents as it passed. "My late creator's talent was inadvertently collected during my creation you see, and so I am able to go where I must."

The devil paused to caress the ivory wizard's staff, gloating. "I need no master now that I am able to access the talents."

"So," Ranma glared, outraged. "Crazy Devil! You want to steal my art!"

The devil bowed. "It is an honor, in a way. Ranma Saotome, you are the possessor of the greatest martial arts talent that has ever lived in any world. You are undoubtedly the best martial artist, or you would have been, had you lived long enough." The devil raised a clawed hand and pointed at Ranma. "I must have it, you see. I must save the talent. It is my function."

"No one just takes the art. No one." Ranma had leveled mountains and boiled lakes. He had slain a god and he had beaten demons into sniveling servile submission. He had ridden tornadoes and recently he had even begun teaching himself how to fly. The cost to him in sheer effort had been incalculable.

Ranma glared. No shitty little blue devil was going to come along and take all of that effort for itself. Not without one hell of a fight.

The devil crooned at him, "I will guard your art and keep it safe for all time. The remainder of your soul will not survive, but then of what use is it without talent? Be content that a portion of your being shall outlast eternity. You shall always be the best!"

"Yeah, I am the best, Devil. Too damn good for a messed up thing like you! Mouko Takabisihi!"

The devil smiled affectionately as the ki passed through everything, like light through glass, without effect. "So powerful. So very impressive. Now I must rend the talent from your soul. It will be very painful and save for your talent, you will utterly perish, but I must carry out my function. It is my reason for being after all."

A beam sprang from the devil's hand and touched Ranma's head.

Ranma froze, feeling his very being coming apart. He had lost!

Suddenly, a terrible scream of rage echoed through the blue emptiness and a huge, snow-white tiger bounded into the devil, knocking pedestals over willy-nilly as its massive burning claws tore into the keening devil.

"C- C- Cat!" Ranma wailed, falling to the blue floor in his weakness. He was helpless against the awful demonic cat, as helpless he had been as a child tied up in the pit! Surprisingly though, the sick mindless terror of the neko-ken did not fully engulf him this time.

The cat tore the devil into scraps and then proceeded to eat it, just in case.

Ranma closed his eyes, ignoring the grisly crunching sounds coming from the cat. He would be next, dying the death that he feared the most, but at least with the devil gone he would probably die with his soul intact.

Its enormous meal concluded, the tiger licked off its claws and then walked over to where the insensate Ranma lay. Presently it began nuzzling playfully at him.

Ranma lay paralyzed with terror for a time, but there was only so much fear in one man. He wasn't going insane and the creature wasn't harming him. "G- Good kitty." Ranma managed to overcome his horror enough to open his eyes.

"Ghaaa!"

The tiger was truly enormous now, easily the size of a small elephant.

Ranma tried to fend it off, but his movements were weak, jerky and uncoordinated. He finally gave up when the tiger simply pinned him down with a tire-sized paw and began to lick him.

Lying there, Ranma wondered at the strange growl, until he realized that the huge cat was purring.

Absently, he reached up and rubbed the great friendly beast on its broad head. He was struck by the depth and the crystalline purity of its blue eyes. Feeling himself slipping away, Ranma made a decision. He had always wanted to go out with class. This thing had fought for him, so he had to make an effort. He took a deep breath and used every bit of his willpower, and finally managed to put aside his fear.

"You ain't so bad, are ya? Thanks a million for killin' that devil, pal." Ranma looked past the great form and saw that the dais was gone. Resigned, he closed his eyes to die.

The cat rumbled ecstatically, butting its huge head against Ranma. It suddenly thinned away into smoke, which boiled into Ranma's chest.

-

"Ranma! Oh, Ranma-Honey! Are you alright? Speak to me!"

"Uh?" Ranma opened his eyes to find his face deeply buried in Ukyo's abundant cleavage, her arms clamped around him like a bear trap.

Ranma's eyes crossed, glazed over and then sweat popped from every pore. She certainly wasn't cross-dressing today. The reality of her strawberry scent almost overwhelmed him.

"You're awake!" Ukyo hoped that she could contain her embarrassment. She was wearing low boots, tight hiking shorts and a scandalously brief yellow halter-top. The bow in her hair contained more material than her top.

Ranma swallowed. Who would have thought that such large and finely shaped breasts could be hidden so artfully? It was a good thing that he was used to his girl form's breasts, because otherwise Ukyo would have her way with him on the spot and he would end up spending the rest of his life as an okonomiyaki waitress.

"U-Ucchan? What are you doing up here?" Ranma managed to overcome his paralysis and pull away from that deep and perilous valley. He looked around, bewildered. He was still high in the mountains, beside the small river. Looking at his hand, Ranma saw what looked like blue powder covering his right palm. That was the palm that had held the dreamstone. He must have crushed it and escaped.

"I was looking for _you,_ silly! I thought that you might get hungry up here all alone so I brought my grill. I found you unconscious, holding that blue stone and I couldn't get your hand to open so I just waited." Ukyo took his arm, leaning in to him, smiling. The top had worked! He had seen her as a woman at last! She almost had him! They would camp together tonight and she would take him. In the morning they go for a quick wedding on Love Hotel Hill and then go pick up his things from that miserable dojo!

"Yeah, the stone. Ugh. That was scary." Ranma warily blew the powder off onto the ground and then buried it with a few flips of his kung-fu slipper.

Ukyo looked at him with concern. "Was it a training accident? Are you feeling alright, Ranchan?"

"Uh, yeah, sort of. I'm fine now, Ucchan." In fact, he was feeling good. "Say, where's my shirt?"

Ukyo blushed, glad that she had re-buttoned his pants. Once she had determined that he was alive, she had taken the opportunity to thoroughly and minutely inspect every inch of her property. She had been delighted to note her fiancées abundance of inches. Now she was more determined than ever to hang on to her dear Ranchan.

"It's drying over by the grill, Ranma-honey. You were laying half in the river, so I changed you back once I got you out and had some hot water ready. I took it off of you so that it could dry out."

Ranma smiled at her, feeling a great rush of warmth and affection. He was glad to have someone around after getting away from that devil. Ranma didn't need comforting very often, but having it now was like water to a desert. Good ol' Ucchan, always looking out for him. Whatever the blue thing had been, it was over now and best forgotten.

"Oh, Ranma." Ukyo, seeing the real affection in the smile, pulled her shirtless muscular fiancée tightly to her bosom, once again bringing her heavy guns to bear. She really owed Konatsu for showing her that Cosmo article. They were absolutely right about attracting a man! Who could have guessed that it would work this fast?

"Ayaaagh! Shampoo so-so surprised to find dear Husband in mountains!" Shampoo was trying to hide her horrified dismay at this cozy little scene behind a bright smile. Spatula girl would pay and pay dearly for this outrage!

Ranma swallowed as the purple-haired glomping-machine attached itself to his other side, relentlessly pressing into him with her own over-generous endowment of cleavage.

"What are you doing here? You let go of my Ranchan, you Chinese Hussy!" Ukyo wriggled and ground her bosom, getting a good grip on his arm for the upcoming round of tug-o-war.

Shampoo smiled sweetly at Ranma, got a good grip and then glared with laser-like fury at Ukyo. "Spatula girl up in mountains looking for nice set of bruises? Shampoo happy to help!"

Ranma swallowed, unable to intervene, trying his best not to melt into a puddle. So much for comforting. Simultaneous cleavage attacks did not appear to cancel each other out. He clenched his eyes shut, knowing what was coming.

"Ranma! I knew that you were up here having an orgy with your perverted fiancées! Akane glared white hot rage at him from the other side of the river, hammer in hand. At least she had caught them before-

A trickle of blood ran from Akane's nostril as her imagination filled in the blanks. She screamed with inchoate fury. "Raaaannmaaa! You pervert! I'll get you for this!"

Ranma winced. He was a dead man.

'Ungrateful boy!' read the Panda's sign.

"Wahhhhh! The houses will never be joined!" Soun brought his nagata into attack position.

Genma and Soun fanned out, jumped over the river and readied themselves to attack the wayward groom.

"Ranma! How dare you cheat on Akane!" Ryoga stumbled out of the forest, got a look at Ukyo's attire, saw Shampoo locked onto Ranma's other arm and had an instant nosebleed. "Gaaa! Ranma, you dog! How dare you cheat on Akane with two women at the same time! I will crush you into thin red slime for this outrage!"

Ryoga got turned around, smashed a large tree out of his way and blundered into the river, where the swift current carried the angrily squealing piggy right past Akane.

Akane suddenly snapped out of her oblivious glaring at Ranma and noticed something besides the perverted boy/girl and his two perverted girlfriends, getting ready to hold an orgy that would forever redefine the bounds of perversion. "P-chan! Hold on! Mommy will save you!" Akane dived into the river, instantly sinking.

"Akane! My little girl! Oh, don't drown, Akane! I couldn't bear it!" Soun collapsed into useless crying, one suspiciously dry eye glaring hard at Ranma.

"Kami-sama. Every damn time I try and go anywhere…"

Ranma sighed and then used Ryoga's umbrella to pry himself free of Ukyo and then after a much greater struggle, from Shampoo. "Sorry girls, but I gotta go save the tomboy again."

Both girls pouted, but neither really wanted to see Akane drown. It would be far too kind.

Ranma dived in, the curse instantly taking hold and spoiling the smooth dive. She opened her eyes and saw Akane, completely turned around, hammering determinedly with fists of iron at the river bottom and churning up gravel like a dredge.

P-Chan was clamped to Akane's shirt collar, throwing off vortexes as he swam furiously for the surface. The piggy was trying hard, but he simply wasn't large enough to drag Akane away from her battle with the river.

The instant that Ranma arrived, Akane's blouse buttons gave way. P-Chan gave one final, heroic lunge and managed to pull her bra off too, before the current spun him away.

Seeing Akane's breasts flopping free did little for Ranma's sense of wellbeing. Akane would pound her good for this, any way she tried to explain it. With considerable trepidation, Ranma reached for her tomboy fiancée.

Akane went limp the instant that Ranma touched her, as if she had been waiting.

-

Among the bickering spectators watching from the riverbank, an invisible panda paused to scarf down the okonomiyaki that Ukyo had cooked for her Ranchan's triumphant return. Sadly for the beast, Ukyo detected the theft almost instantly and was smart enough to watch for footprints.

Mousse, having just landed, spilled Ukyo's steaming teapot in order to change back from his duck form. Sweeping the crowd, he mistook Soun's broad back for that of his bitter rival and lunged determinedly to the attack. The surprise back-stab technique had an honored place in the annals of advanced Amazon wu-shu, after all.

The armor-clad master of the Tendo Ryu felt the burning gaze on his neck and just had time to turn and deflect a wickedly hooked sword. While not really related to Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu, the Tendo School of Kendo had existed for long generations before Soun's brutal apprenticeship with Happosai.

Soun grinned unpleasantly and raised his weapon.

Shampoo laughed. Like all of the other Masters of Anything Goes, Tendo was a dead loss in every other aspect of his life, but no one could deny that he was a great martial artist. Mousse had made this same retarded mistake before and Tendo had not been kind.

Shampoo could tell that the panda was playing dead, perfectly safe behind an iron-skin style ki shield, so she took the opportunity to kick Ukyo's grill into the river. It was time to teach Spatula Girl just who was wife around here. With any luck the issue could be settled before Airen emerged from the river.

Ukyo paused in her panda-abuse and glared. "You shouldn't have done that, China-Girl."

All offended parties attacked simultaneously.

-

Ranma stood on the opposite side of the river, a half-naked Akane in a fireman's hold, staring in disbelief at the idiotic tableaux of mayhem and egregious environmental destruction unfolding before her. Shaking her head, Ranma spun the girl around and patted Akane's back to help the water run out of her mouth.

Laying her out on a flat limestone rock-shelf, Ranma listened to Akane's thready heartbeat, steeled herself for a blow and reluctantly began mouth-to-mouth respiration.

Akane woke and the first thing that she noticed was the sensation of Ranma-chan's oversized breasts pressing into her. The second thing was Ranma-chan's silky-soft lips, gently caressing her own. She then became aware of Ranma-chan's naked embrace, the soft fingers trailing over her breasts as the heel of the hand pushed at her diaphragm. The feel of it was so intense that she almost fainted.

Akane lay rigid for a long, shocked moment, nose trickling blood. Ranma was molesting her! The perverted freak had dragged her into one of her unspeakably wild lesbian orgies, just like Akane had always known that she would!

"Pervert!" screamed Akane, throwing off the redhead and swinging a supersonic hammer of ki that even Happosai had trouble avoiding.

An instant later, Ranma was crossing the horizon, courtesy of mallet airways. Flying towards the city, Ranma sighed to herself. A very cute girl that was actually a boy had occasion to learn to appreciate the many subtle flavors of irony. She had gone out on a solitary trip to contemplate the advanced ki manipulation that allowed morons like Herb and Saffron to defy gravity, only to be sent flying by means of an entirely different application of ki by an entirely different group of morons.

Ranma sighed again as her mother's newly repaired house grew rapidly in front of her. Once again it seemed that there was no limit to just how bad her life could get on any given day.

-

Nodoka sang happily as she completed the inspection of her new home. She had received a substantial amount from her insurance settlement and the house was larger and had better furnishings than it ever had before the disaster. The construction company that had finally responded to her inquiries had been connected to her late father's clan in some way and was very reasonable in price. In fact, the new appliances and artwork were at least equal in value to the money that her insurance company had given to the construction company. It was _good_ to have solid clan ties.

There was a loud thud from outside, like ground meat hitting a cold frying pan.

Frowning, Nodoka stepped out of her back door and regarded the topless, heavily endowed young girl sliding down the wall. The girl flopped nervelessly at her feet.

Ranma blinked until her eyes uncrossed. "Hi, Mom. Sorry about this."

"Wha- Oh, Ranma!" Nodoka swallowed, uncomfortably. Horribly unmanly curse or not, Ranma was a scorchingly beautiful young woman and it wouldn't do to give every pervert in Minato-ku a free peep show.

Ranma sat up, groaning and rubbing her breasts. "Oh, man, that wall is _strong._ It really hurt." Most walls shattered obligingly upon impact.

"Come inside, Ranma. It is not really very manly to let people see your br… Never mind. Just come inside, please." Nodoka sighed.

-

"So then she bashes me a good one with her mallet an' I land here." Ranma sipped his hot tea, grinning with delight to be himself again. "I don't think these weekend training trips are gonna work out for me, Mom." Ukyo and Shampoo could track like bloodhounds and Akane had the old men to help her find him.

Nodoka shook her head in disbelief. "Does this sort of thing happen to you often, my son?"

"Well, that blue devil was a little different from the common red devils you usually run into and Ukyo never wore anything like that little bikini thing before, but yeah. Pretty much every day." Ranma sighed. What the hell was he going to do about Ucchan? No way was he going to be a sexy little waitress getting her ass pinched all the time and that was about the only real job that he could do in an okonomiyaki restaurant. Kami alone only knew who else would hire a mobile war zone like him. Maybe a demolitions contractor or something like that.

Ranma frowned. It was just too soon in his life to have to make these kinds of life-long decisions. He was _only seventeen_.

Nodoka nodded slowly. "I have learned at great personal cost that while love is a good reason to marry, it is by no means the only reason. You must be able to tolerate each other, Ranma. Do you want out of the Tendo arrangement? It is easily done."

In her safety deposit box, Nodoka had the actual marriage contract that the two clowns had negotiated. Because Soun and Genma had been too cheap pay a lawyer's fee it was a purchased fill-in-the-blanks document, pre-printed with lots of standard legal boilerplate, boilerplate that neither her husband nor Tendo had ever bothered to read.

One helpful clause stated that either principal could verbally declare the contract null and void at any time before the marriage occurred. Since all three of the Tendo girls had already done just that, Ranma need only leave the Tendo Dojo to be free of the arrangement with his honor intact.

Ranma shrugged, shame-faced. "I couldn't let 'em down, Mom. I got a duty." The truth was that he liked all of the Tendo girls, but love? Ranma had no idea what love was. He liked Kasumi's cooking and her gentle personality. He liked arguing with Akane and he especially liked teasing her until she ignited in a fireball of feminine rage and came after him. He even liked sparring verbally with Nabiki, unless Nabiki got too rough.

Ranma frowned. If that was the measure that he was going by, then Ucchan had the edge on all of them. She was always friendly, upbeat and free with her delicious okonomiyaki. Ucchan would do anything for him and he would do anything for her, except become another Konatsu. He just couldn't see any real place for himself in her life.

Not that he didn't like Shampoo, either. The Amazon was a divine cook, and she had a smoldering sexiness that made his mouth go dry and his knees knock together sometimes. Her maniac energy attracted him and he especially liked to watch her move during a fight.

He liked all of them. Every one of his fiancées, except maybe for Kodachi, were truly great girls. But love?

Ranma loved to fight, loved to eat and loved to learn new martial arts techniques. He had no idea what it was to love another person.

"Duty? Son, whatever do you mean?" Nodoka raised her eyebrows interrogatively.

Ranma sighed at the thought of his burden. "It has to do with taxes or something, Mom. Tendo needs to pass on the estate so many years before he dies or else the Tendo sisters could lose the whole thing to death taxes. So unless I marry Akane pretty soon all of the Tendos could end up out on the street." He couldn't let it happen, especially not to Kasumi. It was plainly his duty to marry Akane and Ranma never shirked his duty.

Nodoka double-blinked. "Surely you don't actually believe that tripe, Ranma. The most elementary bit of estate planning allows one to avoid that sort of tax situation with ease. Married or not, you will certainly face no such tax liability when your father and I pass on. Soun is a city councilman and I happen to know that he is quite well off. He has a financial planner that will have told him just how it can be done." She shook her head. "Besides, Soun could easily last another fifty years or even longer. Martial artists are notoriously long lived."

Ranma froze in the act of biting his cookie. He blinked twice and then set the cookie down. "You gotta be kiddin' me." Ranma swallowed, and then smacked his head on the table. "I've been had! The panda got me again! What the hell is wrong with me? I must be the dumbest guy in the whole world! When am I ever going to learn?"

Nodoka frowned, her eyes arctic cold. "So, to recap, your father told you that little tale to manipulate you into a loveless marriage with that abusive harridan? So that he could retire comfortably upon your labor?"

"Yeah- Uh, Akane ain't really so bad, though." Ranma knew that he had worse girls than Akane after him. Pink and Link, or Kodachi for example. And Akane was just around more. The other girls weren't exactly reluctant to lay a smack down on him either.

Ranma looked at his mother, eyes troubled. "Anything Goes means just that, Mom. It never stops and there ain't no limits. I should have seen it coming."

Nodoka's face was now beet-red with fury. "You should not have to worry about your father and his stupid, sordid schemes trapping you into a living hell of- _Damn_ that man!"

Ranma swallowed. Mom was _pissed._

Nodoka took a deep, calming breath. It was time to discard the illusions that had sustained her and to consider only her son's needs. Martial arts had ceased to serve any purpose beyond that of warping her son into a person who could never make a place for himself in modern Japanese society. It was time to take a hand in her son's life and repair some of the damage before it was too late.

"Never mind, my son. It has become painfully evident to me that you need to put some distance between yourself and that whole sordid situation until all parties can regain some sort of perspective. I am exercising my prerogative as your mother and moving you home." She should never have let that dishonorable _panda _take her precious child. Nodoka hoped that the gods would not judge her too harshly.

"Home?" Ranma looked around at the newly rebuilt house and felt nothing. He had no memories of the place as a home. He had been nothing but a wandering martial artist for his entire life. To Ranma, home was his shirt and his roof was the sky.

"Yes, home, Ranma. This is your home and you will live in it, whatever that _panda_ thinks. He has had his ten years and now it is my turn. You may commute to school by train when the term starts next week or transfer to a nearer school as you wish, but you will sleep here. No arguments, now!"

Ranma winced. "Uh- Mom. What about… the fiancées? They really tore this place up the last time around. We can't have them coming here again. And… I got some pretty tough guys out for my blood." He could just imagine Ryoga blundering in from wherever he went and casually blowing up his mother's incredibly sturdy new wall.

Nodoka frowned. Yes, it was true, but she did have some very good insurance now. What good was a home that everyone was afraid to live in? "I wish to speak with each of the girls that you deem to be legitimate claimants to your hand. In fact, I will speak to all of the girls that are pursuing you, legitimate or not. But not together! They must each come on a separate day! Please be so good as to arrange it for me, Ranma."

"Okay." Ranma wasn't looking forward to that one. Most of them would take any such invitation as a sure sign of impending marriage. Maybe he could get Nabiki to help. It would be expensive, but Nabiki was good to have on your side when there was trouble ahead.

Considering, Nodoka continued, "As for the men, let them know in no uncertain terms that only formal challenges and pre-arranged matches will be accepted in these environs. I will regard _any_ sort of surprise attack or breakage as a criminal and a civil matter. The police will be informed as well as my lawyers."

Ranma nodded, uncomfortably. He didn't want cops involved in his life. They would probably want to lock him up just to calm things down. "Mom, do we really have to call in the cops? I'd rather not."

Nodoka smiled tearfully at this manly display of rugged individualism. "Oh, Son, it will be so _grand_ to have you home!"

"Uh… yeah." Ranma wheezed, realizing once again that Shampoo was a rank amateur when it came to glomping.

Nodoka released him and beckoned. "I took the liberty of buying you a few things to bulk out your wardrobe, Ranma-dear. Come upstairs and I will show you to your room. You can try some of them on for me after dinner!"

-

Ranma stood uncomfortably in the front of the train station. He had never grasped the logic in wasting money riding inside of trains when riding on top was free, but his mother had pressed the ticket money on him after breakfast and had made him promise to be 'civilized' today.

Every girl in the place was staring at him, wide-eyed. He tossed his hair, unused to the irritating sensation of long hair worn free instead of tied off in a sensible pigtail. His mother had absolutely insisted that he wear it this way and as the dragon whisker soup had lost most of its potency, he didn't see why he shouldn't oblige her. But… all of these girls… Their intense staring gave him the willies. What in the hell did they want from him?

"Eeeeee!" A young girl nearly fainted at this breathtaking display, slumping against her widely grinning friend. To their eyes the boy was the epitome of handsome, perfectly muscular with a divinely handsome face and flowing raven locks that just called to have fingers running through it. He was wearing kung-fu slippers, black silk pants and a collarless, body-molding sleeveless silk shirt that was exactly the same startling shade of crystalline-blue as his eyes.

Ranma was oblivious to the fact that his mother had dressed him almost exactly like the cover illustration depicting the rugged hero of her favorite romance novel. Most of the girls in the station had read the book and although none recognized the outfit consciously, their subconscious minds were absolutely aware of it.

Ranma swallowed, taking a step back. It was unnerving, almost like cats. To hell with the train then. What was so uncivilized about roof hopping?

"Ranma Darling!"

Ranma stiffened as a powerful pair of arms closed around him from the back. The rose scent wafted over him and he stuttered, "Ko- Ko- Kodachi!"

"Oh, Ranma, what a wonderful surprise!" Kodachi spun him around and hugged him tightly, sweeping the entire train station with a murderously possessive glare over Ranma's shoulder. Most of the girls looked quickly away, but a few predators stared coolly back.

Kodachi's face was all smiles when Ranma saw it. "Whatever are you doing here in Minato-Ku, Ranma-samma?"

Ranma smiled self-consciously as Kodachi took his arm. At least she would keep the rest of them away. "I was just visiting with my mom."

Kodachi's smile never wavered. So that's where he had been. None of her minions had been able to follow him. Satsuki would pay for his incompetence.

"How_ is _your delightful mother?" Kodachi was thrilled by his presence here. It was almost like a date! How could she turn it in to one? Of course! Appeal to his manly virtues! Her agile mind worked furiously to come up with a plan. It had to have an element of truth, but not necessarily _be_ the truth.

Ranma shrugged. "Good, I guess. She finally got her house rebuilt an' she's pretty happy about it."

"Ah." The Saotome home was something of a sore subject. "How nice for you all. Does this mean that you will be returning to your own home?" That would neatly remove the Tendo competitive advantage.

"Yeah. Mom wants to see you." Ranma winced and added hastily, "She wants ta see all of you girls. But on separate days!"

Kodachi was thrilled to be included. "Of course, Darling. I will call her tomorrow and see when it would be convenient for us to have our little chat."

Ranma smiled with relief. "Thanks."

Kodachi, loving that smile, took him firmly by the hand, having conceived her scheme. "Ranma-dear, could you do me a great favor?"

Ranma began to sweat. Agreeing to anything on an open ended basis was a sure invitation to disaster. "Um, well, what do you want me to do?" Ranma mentally congratulated himself on a deft sidestep.

"I recently broke my old cello and wish to purchase a new one. I need a strong man to help me carry it back. Could you please help me, Ranma-samma? I'll pay for the train and everything." Kodachi rarely used it, but her cutest-little-girl-in-the-universe look could melt even the hardest heart.

Ranma blinked. He had some time to kill anyway, and it would leave some money in his pocket at the end of the day. "Uh, yeah, okay. But what's a cello?"

-

"I didn't think there were any cello stores in Takeshita Street." Ranma's arm was firmly in Kodachi's possession and he was carrying several of her shopping bags, just like the hundreds of other teenaged couples thronging the narrow street of Tokyo's famous 'Teen Town.'

Kodachi smiled sweetly at him, reveling in the envious gazes that she was receiving. "I'm sorry, Ranma-darling, but I needed to make a few stops. One more little purchase and then we can go over to Shibuya for the cello. There are some very fine restaurants over there and I'm feeling a bit peckish today. Oh, look there, a Starbucks! Come, Darling! Let's get a cappuccino and some pastries to hold us." She was quickly learning how to manage Ranma. It had taken some small effort to convince him to go along with her plan, but once moving he could be led easily by his appetite.

"That sounds great, Ko-chan!" Ranma brightened with new enthusiasm. He had never had a cappuccino before and was curious. So far the day had been something of a culinary adventure for him and he hadn't spent a single yen.

Kodachi almost fainted with joy over this diminutive. She had found the key to Ranma's heart at last!

-

Ranma stood in the huge music store, utterly bored. Kodachi was in another room talking with a store clerk about various cellos, which had turned out to be nothing more than great big fiddles. He had been skeptical but surprisingly enough she could really play the thing.

Yawning, Ranma picked up a regular sized fiddle from a display table, looking curiously at it. He had heard some great fiddle playing in America, when he and his father had been staying with Colonel Bristol. Genma had been hired for a while as a consultant to help develop the unarmed martial art of the American Marine Corps.

Holding the fiddle as he'd seen them held in Nashville, he experimented with the neck and then plucked out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the strings.

An elderly man wearing a rumpled brown suit and a pince-nez walked up to him. "You'll need a bow to play that instrument properly, young man."

Ranma hastily put the fiddle down. "Sorry. I'm here with a friend. I just got bored waiting and wandered out here to have a look around."

The man smiled, picking up another violin. He knew talent when he saw it. "Not a problem, that's what these instruments are here for. I work for the company and I suppose that I should help the customers occasionally. Here, do me a favor, take a bow and I'll show you how it's done to pass the time. There's really nothing much to it. It only takes seven easy lessons."

"Seven?" Ranma shrugged, picking up the violin and the bow. How hard could it be? "Why not. I like fiddle music." Looking at the clerk, Ranma tucked the instrument under his chin and copied his stance. "Like this?"

The man inspected him and then nodded with satisfaction. "Hmm. Absolutely correct. You are a quick study, young man. There, that's lesson one down. Now, on to lesson two. The second thing that you have to know in order play this 'fiddle' is the art of proper, even bowing. You need it in order to hold a sustained note."

-

Kodachi had played the cello religiously until gymnastics had caught her interest. She had broken her old student model over Tatawaki's head some weeks ago and was quite surprised at how much she missed playing it.

Having made a selection, Kodachi emerged from the soundproofed audition room and gaped with pure astonishment. Her dearly beloved but somewhat barbaric Ranma was standing in the middle of the room with a violin, taking alternate passages of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star with Dr. Ishikawa.

Kodachi knew Dr. Ishikawa socially. He was the first violin of the Tokyo Symphony. As far as she could tell, Ranma's bowing was impeccable. She couldn't detect any difference in their playing.

Beaming, Kodachi made her way to her future husband's side. They would make such beautiful music together!

-

"Hello, Ranma." Nabiki grinned merrily at him. "I heard that you had a fun-fun date with Kodachi today!"

Ranma frowned. Was there anyplace on the planet where Nabiki didn't have spies lurking? "It wasn't a date, alright? I was just carrying some stuff for her."

Nabiki smirked. "You know that Akane is going to kill you if she finds out."

Ranma shrugged uncomfortably. Damn if he would pay blackmail this time! Maybe he could change the subject. "I need to talk to her. Where is she, Nabiki?"

Nabiki frowned. Ranma wasn't following his conditioning. He should be floundering about, trying to buy her off. It was very cute, so she always took his money. "She hasn't come back from the mountains yet. Daddy called and said that there had been a little bit of trouble with the foresters, but that everything was fine now." They had blamed everything on Ryoga, a legendary figure of destruction hated and feared by foresters all over the planet.

Ranma sighed. "Yeah, they were tearin' up the woods pretty bad last I saw. I guess that I'll just go ahead and pack up before they get here."

Shocked, Nabiki grabbed his shoulder, marveling at the delightful feel of prime beef. "Hold it, Saotome. What do you mean, pack?"

"She knocked me all the way to mom's house, Nabiki. Mom saw me land and she's not very happy about it at all. I have ta go and live there for a while until everyone cools off on the fiancée business."

"Crap." Nabiki knew that this would alternately devastate and infuriate her sister. More to the point, it would drastically cut into Nabiki's profit margins. "Giving up, Saotome? What about the Dojo? Are you going to take us in when we're all living in the street?" Nabiki didn't quite manage a tear, but she was quite proud of the artful trembling of her lip.

Ranma snorted. "Mom finally set me straight about the tax thing, Nabiki. I ain't fallin' for any more of that kind of crap and I ain't gettin' married to nobody until I'm at least twenty one, got a job and really want to do it."

Nabiki pealed with laughter. "Touché Saotome! You didn't have a thing to worry about anyway. Kasumi and I decided on the day that you arrived that no marriage was going to take place until you were both college graduates with decent income. You're both way too immature to marry."

Ranma smiled at her. "Nabiki, I'm gettin' the hell out of here and away from you while my butt is still attached."

Letting her palm slide down from his shoulder, Nabiki caressed her way down his back to grope lewdly at the area in question. "Saotome, do you doubt for a minute that I could have gotten my hands on that butt any time that I wanted? Maybe I will anyway, stud-muffin."

Nabiki gave a belly laugh when Ranma used his revised umisenken to fade from view. She was quite flattered. It was a move that he usually reserved for gods, demons and other supremely dangerous opponents.

-

"You can just put that nonsense out of your mind right now, Boy! The schools must be joined!" Genma was furious. He had spent most of the day getting himself out of a zoo cage in panda form and now the damned imp of a boy was giving him some line of bullshit about moving home to be spoiled by his mother?

Ranma shrugged into his pack. All of his gear was packed inside. It wasn't much more than he had arrived with. "Mom says I hafta."

"But the schools! This is unacceptable, Ranma!" Soun got right up in Ranma's face, shouting.

Ranma wasn't impressed. Ryoga had much better halitosis. "Mom says."

Genma was frowning heavily. "This is serious, Soun. Nodoka… I can't stop her."

Ranma smirked at the two idiots.

Genma narrowed his eyes in furious thought. They still had the tux. "All that we can do is…

Genma and Soun leapt simultaneously at Ranma, shouting, "Hold the wedding right now!"

Ranma jumped cleanly over them and then mule-kicked them both out into the back yard. "Ha! I ain't asleep this time, Old Men! If you want me, come and get me at home!"

"Insolent boy!" Genma was up and at him in a flash, but Akane's mallet came down and hammered Genma's head into the ground.

"Hey, that was pretty good, Akane." Ranma smirked derisively at his unconscious father.

Akane glared at Soun, who backed off fast, sweating.

Dear, sweet little Akane was getting to be more and more like Kimiko every day. As dangerous as a ticking bomb in a campfire. "But sweetheart, I was just-

"You just keep out of it, Daddy!" Akane gave Genma a narrow, calculating look. "He'll come around any time, Ranma. You'd better go now while the house is still standing."

Ranma hitched up his pack and shuffled his feet. "Look, I'll still see you in school, right?" School started again in four days.

Akane nodded, sniffling forlornly. "And you can still visit us here after school, right?"

"And you can come over to our place!" Ranma was smiling happily at her now.

"I can even bring you a bento now and then!" Akane was smiling back, winsomely.

Ranma's eyes widened. "No freekin' way, Akane! I ain't never eatin' that toxic slop of yours again unless you eat some first!"

"Jerk!" Akane swung with ferocious energy and sent him on his way via mallet-express.

Nabiki looked sardonically at her sister. "I think that what we have here is a textbook case of true love, Sis."

Kasumi giggled. It was true love all right. True love for eight year olds.

-

Ranma touched down lightly, elated that his flying skills had grown enough to allow it. Soon he would be able to lift himself into the air with ki alone!

Whistling happily, he settled his pack, looked up and froze with disbelief. He had an audience. "Uh… what?"

"Who are you?"

Ranma blanched. Fiancées! A whole pack of fiancées! The old Panda had been peddling him off to groups now. It had to be. Why else would a bunch of young girls dress up like Happosai's most hentai dream and come after him?

"Answer us!" The one with short hair stepped forward and they all suddenly posed.

Ranma gawked in stupefied amazement, stricken utterly speechless.

The one with the weirdest hairdo suddenly piped, "The park is a place for fun and family, not a landing portal for the dark kingdom! In the name of the moon, we will-

"Wait, Moon." The one in blue with the computer looked up. "He isn't with the dark kingdom, but he's very powerful. His body is composed of almost twenty percent pure energy."

Ranma finally managed to break free of his fugue. "Only twenty percent?" He had guessed that it would be more. He had to find a way to train more and harder. Much harder. "Ah, look, I gotta go home now."

Moon Chick pointed at him. "Not until you tell us who you are!"

They all took what they imagined was a menacing step forward, assuming a different pose.

Ranma bit down on his sniggering, almost rupturing his eardrums. "It ain't none of yer business who I am, Meatball Head." Not unless it was an engagement. Then they'd have him by the honor. He knew better than to tell a pack of girls who he was. They would track him right down and it would be fiancée city.

"Meatball Head! Are you laughing at us?" The yellow-skirted blonde dropped her goofy pose and pointed at him, stamping furiously.

Ranma lost it. "Bwahahahaha! Bwahaaahahaha!" Knowing the situation to be completely irretrievable, he swallowed his giggles, assumed the umisenken and started to walk away. Chicks went crazy when you laughed at them.

The clumsy, meatball-headed Moon Chick fell on her rump in shocked surprise. "W- Where did he go!"

The one in blue suddenly shouted, "I have him on the computer! He has a magic signature! Mercury Bubbles Blast!"

Ranma cried out in shocked fury as icy water hit him and the curse activated. These girls actually had an attack? A water based attack? That meant that there was a way to precipitate water out of the air! If he could do that and then use ki to heat it up….

"Jupiter thunder crash!"

Deftly, Ranma dodged a lightning bolt. All of those spark attacks by Gosunkugi's summoned 'spirit of household appliances' had taught her to feel the chi lines that the bolts followed, or else she would have been fried for sure. Fortunately she was still cloaked, so they hadn't seen her change. Well, now the gloves were off. They had asked for it and she wasn't in the mood to dish it out properly. But Ranma knew someone who would be delighted to oblige. Anything Goes, right?

Taking a deep breath, she cried out, "Happosai Happosai Happosai!"

The old bastard appeared almost instantly. He looked right through the umisenken, confirming a dark suspicion of Ranma's.

"Well hello there, Sweet Ranma-chan! It does this old man's heart good to-

Happosai caught sight of the leggy young sailor-suited girls and froze for a long, gaping stare. It was one of his most cherished dreams, come to life before his very eyes. Filled with inexpressible emotion, Happosai shed a single happy tear.

"Sweeeeeeeet-O!" Happosai launched himself, ignoring his usual target.

Ranma ran, sniggering at the screams and explosions behind her. They probably didn't deserve Happosai, but then nobody did. On the other hand the weird violent chicks certainly deserved him more than whatever innocent nonviolent girls the little troll had been molesting earlier.


	2. Chapter 2

Ranma woke, feeling odd. Something was very different today. He thought about it. There was no bucket of water or shouting tomboy fiancée. There was no hard kick sending him flying out of a second story window, futon and all.

Wait. Futon. There was no futon! He was sleeping in a _bed! _A brand new double bed with box springs, mattress, a pillow-topper, pillows, snowy-white lemony fresh cotton sheets and _two_ warm blankets! It was HIS bed! He was in his own bed in his own room in his own home where no one had the right to tell him to get out.

Ranma snuggled back into the sybaritic luxury, sighing happily at the alien sensation of having gotten enough sleep. There had been no nocturnal visits from fiancées, no snoring farting gasbag of a panda stealing his blanket, no crazed enemies trying to murder him in his sleep- It was just_ so_ incredible. He felt like a trillion yen.

There was a knock at the door, and Nodoka stuck her head in. "Are you awake? Breakfast is ready, my dear."

"Thanks, Mom. I'll be right down!" Sitting up, he gave the extra pillow an affectionate little pat to bid the wonderful bed a fond farewell. Maybe he would get to sleep in it again! With that happy thought, he leapt up and started his day.

-

Pulling back before his foot accidentally brushed the wall, Ranma sighed in annoyance. Breakfast had been nothing short of wonderful, but there just wasn't quite enough room in his mother's backyard for his kata. When he really lost himself in the kata, fighting multiple imaginary opponents, he sometimes forgot about the real things around him and inadvertently destroyed them.

Frowning, he noticed the neighbor gaping at him over the wall. The sharp rippling cracks of his limbs breaking the sound barrier had probably woken the old woman up. Groping, he finally recalled her name. "Good morning, Mrs. Yoko."

"Er… Good morning, Ranma." The old woman smiled weakly and returned to her morning chores. Nodoka hadn't been kidding about her son. Well, what with those youma creatures that had been popping up lately it was probably a good thing for the neighborhood that the boy had finally come home.

Ranma stretched, and then concentrated hard. A blue aura blazed around him and he lifted a few feet off of the ground.

Gasping with the effort involved, Ranma touched down again and considered what he had learned. Saffron had been more powerful, but not all that much more powerful. He was still doing it wrong. Coming to a decision he looked through the back doors and noticed his mother, humming cheerfully as she scrubbed the kitchen floor.

Ranma stuck his head in the door. "Hey, Mom, I'm gonna go over to the park and practice there for a while."

Nodoka smiled up at him. She was on her knees, wearing an old sweat-suit and yellow rubber gloves, reveling in the housework now that there was a reason for it. She felt fulfilled in a way that had eluded her ever since her beloved son had been taken away.

"You are 'going to,' Ranma. Not 'gonna.' You need to improve your vocabulary. Slang contractions aren't civilized."

Ranma nodded. "Sorry, Mom. I meant to say that I'm going to go to the park." She had started that yesterday, extracting a promise from him to try and become more 'civilized.' Unfortunately, being 'civilized' seemed to be an endlessly expanding task. It was almost like a replacement for 'manly,' now that she had finally given up on that one.

Nodoka nodded happily, blowing an errant hair out from in front of her eyes. She did love her son so, even though he could never be quite as manly as she had hoped. "Be sure to be home on time for lunch!"

"Right, Mom. See ya!" Ranma bounded away, his leap so prodigious that it was almost indistinguishable from real flight. He would work on flying later. He wanted to work on the umisenken, as well as to try to figure out that bubble thing that the weird chick had thrown at him.

-

Nodoka laid out the tea tray, eyeing the clock. They had time to chat and then there would be lunch so that she could observe the candidate interacting with her son. Nodoka had no particular favorite among the girls but Kodachi had a decidedly unsavory reputation. On the other hand, such things were often the products of misunderstanding.

Precisely on time, the door chime was rung. Nodoka answered the door with a smile. "Welcome, Miss Kuno. Won't you come in?"

-

Ranma performed his kata with fluid precision and little awareness of his physical surroundings. Untold hours of practice insured that he would draw an annoying crowd if he wasn't careful, so this time he was cloaked in his latest version of the umisenken

The kata was a form of meditation that Ranma used, having been forbidden the traditional forms by Genma. Long ago in Burma an old Song shan master of Ranma's acquaintance had explained to him that meditation takes many forms and that the traditional form was only the easiest way to disassociate the mind from the body. To directly perceive the world, one needed to ignore one's physical eyes and open one's spirit. With only that advice to go on, Ranma had developed his own meditation technique, one based on training his body to the point that his mind was no longer necessary to operate it.

Ranma's body was in furious motion, but his mind was detached enough to feel the energies that the world bathed in. When the change came, his attention was immediately drawn. Stopping his kata, he used his physical eyes and saw the dark ovoid floating nearby in the air, moving uncertainly as if searching.

Extending his senses he felt the chi bound up in the thing, held in a tightly ordered pattern by something else. Something that felt very like the blue devil had felt. Ranma was excited. It was magic that he was feeling. He had never been able to feel it so clearly before. This must be powerful magic.

Experimentally, Ranma sent a tiny burst of ki at a small tree and watched the thing react, veering quickly toward the tree. It was obviously homing in on him, seeking out powerful ki. His umisenken had confused the thing though.

Walking over to the tree, Ranma watched with fascination as the ovoid touched and then merged with it. The pattern in the ovoid latched on to something that Ranma belatedly recognized as the tree's natural chi and began to warp it, overwriting it, using its stored chi to power the process.

Excited, Ranma noted the tree rippling and changing physically. He wondered if this might be a clue to how his Jusenkyo curse operated. He needed to find Mousse or P-Chan, coldcock him and change him back and forth for a while. Ranma was pretty sure that once he got the patterns down he might be able to use his ki to disrupt the curse so that it didn't work anymore. He might even be able to trigger the change without water!

The tree swelled, and then shrank slightly. A grotesquely female face bubbled out of the bark and the branches began to wave. As Ranma stared, spindly roots pulled out of the ground, looking hideously like spider legs as the tree stood up on them.

"Cool!" Ranma was entranced.

The tree roared, whipping its tentacle-branches furiously, searching for the origin of the sound.

A jogger had stopped to stare and she screamed in horror at the awful sight.

Ranma sighed. He had hoped to study the thing more, but it was plain that it had to be stopped. He was amazed when the tree-monster used what seemed almost like a version of the happo-go-en-satsu to drain ki from the jogger.

Delicately, Ranma sent a small pulse of hot ki slicing into the point where the magic from the ovoid had attached itself to the tree's chi matrix. The tree fell over, immediately shrinking and reverting to a tree again, the magic disrupted.

Ranma nodded thoughtfully. These youma creatures had glass jaws. They were pathetically vulnerable if you knew just where to hit them.

Walking over to the downed jogger, Ranma dropped his umisenken, picked her up and set off across the rooftops for a hospital that he'd seen nearby. He needed to move fast because he didn't want another fiancée after him. Rescuing girls was always a very tricky proposition.

-

They had been chatting for a while now and Nodoka had a good feel for the girl, but now it was time to get down to business.

"Thanks to his father's negligence my son is extremely crude in his manner, poorly educated, lacks even a basic understanding of how to live in a civilized society and hasn't the slightest concept of romantic love. Why ever would you want such a man?" Nodoka sipped her tea and watched carefully.

Kodachi paused to marshal her thoughts. She sensed that Nodoka could end her hopes. It was necessary to be completely honest with the woman while subtly spiking the arguments of the girls that would come here after her. It was good that she had come first.

Confidently, Kodachi began. "Saotome-san, much of what you say is true. Ranma is something of a barbarian and I cannot see him functioning in the role of a traditional Japanese salaryman. His inferiors would resent and despise him if he tried to assume their role. However, unlike my competitors, I do not require a provider of that sort. I require nothing less than a hero and Ranma is plainly the equal of any hero in our history."

Kodachi leaned forward, her eyes boring into Nodoka's. "I would never try and turn my hero into restaurant help, or into a daycare provider, or into some second class imitation of a salaryman. He is far above such things. To take care of such a man is nothing less than a sacred trust to the nation. I will make a place for him and his art to thrive and I will take the most diligent care of him. He deserves nothing less."

Nodoka was impressed but Kodachi hadn't answered fully. "Ranma is indeed a heroic sort, but why do you need such a man? Wouldn't you prefer a man of your own background and class? One who can stand beside you during the most trying social situations? I shudder to imagine Ranma's behavior at a formal function. The buffet alone would be an unimaginable disaster."

Kodachi blinked, considering. "It is true that I am a noblewoman, Saotome-san, and it is also true that such a position ordinarily brings many social obligations. I freely acknowledge the burden imposed by Ranma's lack of proper socialization. However, especially after our 'date' yesterday, I feel that Ranma could learn to deal with such matters. He is really quite charming and he attracts people without trying. As I told you, he managed to make a mentor of Ishikawa-sensei, an achievement in its own right. Ranma is the typical diamond in the rough, requiring only polish and the proper setting to shine forth."

"Rather more than a little, I fear. Ranma's typical mode of speech is atrocious. It will take a tremendous effort to educate him." Nodoka frowned. Kodachi was selling herself well, but hadn't yet given any real justification for her pursuit of Ranma. "Why do you pursue Ranma? He is handsome enough, but there are many handsome and manly men who do not require such effort."

Kodachi had no real answer. She was after Ranma because no other man had ever roused the least feeling of interest within her, let alone the volcanic feelings that the sight of Ranma's clear blue eyes brought on. Many young men had pursued her for her vast wealth, but none of those poltroons had ever had a chance. Kodachi simply had to have Ranma Saotome. She began to speak, not quite sure where she was going.

"Clan Kuno has survived over the centuries by marrying into power, Saotome-san. That strategy has been very successful for the Kuno. Few of the old clans that remain in the modern age have the money or influence to match us. None of the clans that can do so are healthy. Speaking candidly neither is the Kuno clan entirely healthy. Marrying into another unstable, financially powerful clan would bring only ruin to both houses and perhaps even to the nation itself."

Growing more confident, Kodachi sipped tea and let her words sink in. "That leaves only one sort of power worthwhile enough to be sought, Saotome-san. Ranma's sort of power. The sort of inborn power and discipline that could save the Kuno from further decline."

Kodachi was surprised at herself. The argument was coming straight from her heart, with impeccable logic. It hadn't been considered beforehand at all. "I want to woo and win Ranma, Saotome-san, and logic has nothing at all to do with it. However, genetically and culturally he is just the sort of man that I am predisposed to pursue. Pursue him I will."

Nodoka smiled, hearing the simple truth. "I will not oppose your suite, Miss Kuno, but be aware that all such decisions must be his own."

"Of course." Kodachi smiled back. That didn't mean that the competition couldn't be obliterated, in all fairness of course.

"Does his curse bother you?" Nodoka was curious. It would certainly bother her. Perhaps these girls flocking after her son were a bit twisted.

"Curse?" Kodachi frowned. "What curse?"

-

Shampoo scowled at Nabiki when she read the address. She already knew where it was and she should have checked it herself. Nabiki's 'help' had cost her a day's tips and Shampoo made a _lot_ in tips. "So Husband now living with mother? Good! Violent Pervert Girl finally drive away!"

Nabiki shrugged. "That remains to be seen." She had seen Shampoo, Kodachi and Ukyo assault Ranma too many times to worry on that account. Akane wasn't any more violent than the competition. Ukyo's spatula might well have a weak spot in the shape of Ranma's' face from having it imprinted in the steel so many times. Nabiki was also pretty certain that to Ranma, Akane's mallet was less frighteningly violent than Shampoo's deadly bicycle.

"At least Pervert Girl no longer so close." Shampoo smiled. Now all that she had to do was take care of Spatula Girl. Crazy Flower Girl was not a threat because Husband was deathly afraid of her, but there was no getting around the fact that her Airen liked the chef. Spatula Girl had proven to be quite the hard target and their duel had been inconclusive, but her time would come soon. A quick memory erase and Spatula Girl wouldn't care anymore. With the rest of the obstacles out of the picture, Husband would soon admit his attraction and come back to China with her to make a huge family of powerful Amazon martial artists.

"Shampoo? Earth to Shampoo." Nabiki waved a languid palm over Shampoo's glazed eyes. It was amazing. Ukyo had done exactly the same thing. "Ranma asked me to tell you that his mother wants to see you. You need to call her and make an appointment."

Shampoo's eyes snapped into focus and sharpened with interest. "Shampoo gladly see mother-in-law again, but why is needing appointment?"

"Do you want my opinion?" Nabiki considered and then decided not to charge the barbarian girl for speculation. She dealt only in hard information. "Very well, I would have to say that it has something to do with her home being destroyed the last time that all of you fiancées were around at once. She wants to talk with Ranma's fiancées one at a time and make sure that you all know the ground rules about pursuing her son and fighting in her home."

Shampoo swallowed. She had been in on the fight that had wrecked the Saotome home and Cologne had put her through a special training regime that had almost killed her for it. Shampoo was still being docked her entire wage for the damages that Cologne had paid to try and repair the breach. It was a good thing that the salarymen that she delivered to always tipped so well. "Shampoo is no fiancée. Is Ranma wife. Have telephone number? Shampoo will pay only 500 yen."

"Done." Nabiki loved dealing with worried customers. Ranma had already paid her to give Shampoo the number, so it was double profit.

-

"Jupiter Thunder Crash!"

Ranma sidestepped the lightning bolt and made another slight change to his umisenken. They had caught him coming out of the hospital and they were really pissed. Still, it was something of a stroke of luck that they hadn't tracked him home. The girls had helpfully informed him that they were homing in on the curse magic to track him. He was gradually figuring out how to hide it, though. He just hoped that he didn't have to use the 'Hentai Sensei Satsu' on them again to break contact.

The one in aqua blue, wearing the goggles that could see through his umisenken cried out, "Be careful! Careful! He's fading from the scope! Mercury Power Blast!"

It was nice of her to tell him these things. If she hadn't, Ranma would have had to borrow the goggles to perfect the move. He sidestepped again and vowed to stop calling out his attacks. It gave too much warning. "Look ya crazy chicks, just quit it already!"

Usagi grimaced. Crazy chicks? "The street is for decent honest people to use to return to their homes and families, not for Dark Generals who release vicious hentai trolls! In the name of the Moon, we will punish you! Moon Tiara Action!"

Ranma sidestepped the tiara, noting with interest that it tried to get him again on the way back. "Heh. That was lame. Why don't you clumsy chicks just go home and bake some cookies or something? Oh, sorry, I can see it goes straight to your butts."

"Ghaaa! Venus Love Chain Encircle!"

Ranma hopped over the chain, grabbed it and wrapped her in it.

Venus screamed with rage.

Ranma winced. "Aw, crap! That love chain don't make chicks fall in love, does it? Well I ain't' marryin' any of you hentai chicks, so you can all just forget about it right now!"

"Hentai chicks!" Venus choked in horror. Sure, their skirts were short, but really… "I don't want to marry a monster like you!"

Ranma suddenly realized that she couldn't see him anyway. "You don't? Wow! Awesome!"

"Bastard!" Venus almost fainted from sheer hatred.

"He's not really a Dark General, Moon. Mars Flame Sniper!" Mars didn't care what he was. She would never forgive the theft of her undergarments while wearing a skirt that short.

Moon had been trying to locate a target, but the voice was moving too fast. "Then no one will marry him anyway! He's a… a trollmaster! He's as evil as his troll and that's all that counts!" Usagi threw the tiara again, forgetting for once to call out her attack.

"I wish." Ranma jumped over the fireball and caught the tiara, satisfied that the hole in his umisenken technique had finally been filled. "Look, I toll ya to let me alone. I'm not in nobodies army and I don't wanna fight a bunch of clumsy hentai panty-flasher chicks like you, all right? It just ain't dignified." He charged the tiara with ki and flipped it at an iron lamp post, slicing the post neatly in half before the tiara wobbled to a gentle landing on Moon Chick's head.

The post hit the ground with a clang.

"Hentai panty-flasher chicks!" Mars glared, furious at the horribly condescending overweening arrogance dripping from the disembodied voice. "Mars Fire Ignite!"

Ranma, taken by surprise, held out a palm and deflected the fireball with a modified ki-cutter. He was really starting to get a handle on these magical attacks. "Well, I guess ya can't track me at all now, so I'm gonna- going to use the sacred holy blessed street ta go home and eat some lunch. Bye!"

"Wait! Who are you!" Moon was furious, but daunted. He could have killed her with her own tiara if he had wanted. He avoided or shrugged off their best attacks, shrugged them all off just as easily as his disgusting troll had.

Ranma grinned. "Hee-hee. I am the evil pig-demon Ryoga Hibiki! Fear me!" He took three quick steps to the right and then turned for home, sniggering.

-

"I think that he's gone. My audio sensors aren't picking up his breathing anymore." Mercury stamped in frustration. Her VR goggles were useless!

"What's the matter, Usagi?" Venus frowned. Usagi was holding her tiara, an extremely odd expression on her face.

"His… his aura is all over my tiara. I can… _feel_ him. He's _so_ _confident!_ We're nothing at all to him. He absolutely _knows_ that we can't beat him. No one can." Moon shivered. Such confidence was daunting indeed.

"Let me see that." Mars grabbed the tiara and almost dropped it, exclaiming, "Ki! That's ki!" She used tiny amounts of it in the temple, but had never dreamed of anything like this. "There's no way that the dark kingdom can be involved. They eat spirit energy to fuel their magic. He must be a martial artist of some kind. They're the only ones that I know of besides priests and mikos that ever try to use their ki. No priest could possibly be that arrogant. I wonder if we can track him down that way?"

Jupiter shook her fist at the heavens. "Ryoga Hibiki, you will pay!"

Mars swallowed, looking gingerly at the tiara in her hand. "I don't know if we can take this Hibiki down, Jupiter. I just don't know. But we'll sure try."

Hiking through the mountains on the road to Mandalay, Ryoga felt a sudden chill.

-

Ranma had a curse. Ranma was also Ranko Tendo, the insolent, arrogant redhead that had so shockingly defeated her in martial arts gymnastics, and the girl that her idiotic brother was pursuing. Kodachi was perched high up in the frame of a billboard mounted on the roof of a small bank, trying to come to terms with it all.

In shock, Kodachi had excused herself from lunch to go think, but what to do now? She couldn't disbelieve. It all made so much sense now that she could plug the new datum into her memories. Many mysterious coincidences became less mysterious in their meaning, if not less so in fact.

Magic existed, of that she was sure. In fact, below her on the street the Sailor Senshi were fighting a wraith of some sort and losing handily, in spite of what she was sure were magically boosted attacks. Kodachi was not impressed with their tactical sense. She would have saturated the area with attacks, boxed the creature in and then used the crossfire to destroy everything that existed within the box. The Senshi seemed to have little in the way of tactical ability, fighting more like a panicky mob than a disciplined force.

"Ranma!" Kodachi stood and jumped down to the roof of the bank when she heard the laughing wraith jestingly name itself Ryoga Hibiki. Ranma's voice was quite unforgettable.

Those vile little harlots were trying to kill her darling Ranma! Kodachi was not unaware of the many, many women that had begun their pursuit of Ranma in that fashion. Glaring, she marked them. She would follow them and find out just who they were. Then she would catch them one at a time and 'persuade' them to give up on their little vendetta, in all fairness of course.

Kodachi herself would never give up. It was simply not in her nature. Every hero had to have a tragic flaw and if this magical flaw enabled Ranma to learn the secret workings of a woman's body like no other man in history then Kodachi could not complain.

Besides, eleven years of female-only prep schools had left their mark. Kodachi could be somewhat eclectic in her tastes.

-

Ranma entered his home, whistling happily. He loved Minato-ku. So far it had been a pretty good morning, with lots of good training. He kicked off his shoes, flipping them neatly into their place and donned his household geta without ever touching the floor with his bare feet. "I'm home!"

Nodoka stepped out of the kitchen, smiling a welcome. "Lunch is ready, Ranma. You should go and wash up."

"Sure thing, Mom." Ranma sniffed appreciatively. "Smells great!"

Nodoka smiled. "Why, thank you, son. I have prepared guyoza, oyakodon domburi and fruit juice. For desert we have sticky buns and apple riceballs."

"Alright! Thanks, Mom." Ranma sighed happily. Kasumi was good, but not the best. His mom always prepared great food and enough of it to actually satisfy him.

-

There was little conversation at first. Ranma tried to maintain some decorum, but he had used a lot of energy earlier and it had to be replaced.

As he finished his tenth riceball and started on the sticky buns, Ranma finally noticed his mother watching him over the rim of her teacup. "Ain't- Um, aren't you gonna- going to eat anything, Mom?"

"Please, do not concern yourself, Ranma. I had tea and cookies for brunch with Miss Kuno this morning, so you may as well finish the meal." Nodoka smiled cheerfully, pleased that he was keeping his promises. Ranma wasn't always a man, but he was always a man of his word and that counted for quite a lot in her eyes.

Ranma's eyes widened and he looked around nervously. "Kodachi was here?"

"We had a nice long chat." Nodoka enjoyed the play of expression over his face. She had to teach him a little sophistication or people would surely take advantage. "I quite approve of Miss Kuno. She would make a fine wife for you. An acceptable daughter in law in every way."

Ranma inhaled part of a pastry and spend a moment coughing it up. "You do? Kodachi? But… she's crazy, Mom!"

"You do not have to marry her my son, but I found her quite suitable. She has a strong will, is _very_ intelligent and most of all she understands the obligations that a woman would take up to become the wife of a man such as you." Nodoka eyed him thoughtfully. "You could do far worse."

-

"Where the _hell _am I now!" Ryoga stood in trackless jungle, peering angrily at a city map of Chattanooga. It was of course a useless lying trick, just like all of the other maps that Ryoga had ever tried to use.

Gritting his teeth, trying to contain his rage, Ryoga threw the map away. Picking a direction at random, he set out. He would come to a road soon and follow it to the Tendo dojo as he always did. Then Ranma would pay. Well, probably not, but the fight would be great.

-

A boy ran into the village, crying, "He's coming! He's coming! The terrible fang-demon is coming again!"

The village hetman leapt to his feet, galvanized by the news. The fang-demon was very, very useful if you could lead it. "Everybody, take your places! Girls, remember the word!"

The people ran into hiding, all except for a few young women. The consensus was that the fang-demon might not be quite as angry with them. Besides, there were a lot of excess women in the village.

-

"Bakusai Tenketsu!" The rock exploded, exposing an overgrown field with a narrow trail to one side. "Aha! At last a road!" Ryoga stepped over the rubble onto the trail, happily. He hated being lost in jungles. The cursed ruins, cultists, angry idols, dinosaurs and crazy headhunters made jungle travel far too stressful.

"Ranma Ranma Ranma!"

"Heh?" Ryoga looked up and saw a pretty young girl waving a ribbon at him from across the field.

She smiled encouragingly at the fang-demon and shouted, "Ranma Ranma Ranma!"

"Ranma? Where's Ranma! I'll get you, Ranma!" Ryoga clenched his fists and strode determinedly across the field after the girl. Ranma would pay for his evil ways! That cad, chasing even these poor rural village girls-

BOOM!

Ryoga landed flat on his back. He sat up and regarded his toes, slightly reddened and clad now in only a few smoking wisps of shoe. "Mines. I'm in another minefield." That meant that he was probably in Cambodia again. It all fit. All he had to do was head east to find Japan.

"Ranma, I'll get you for this!" Ryoga got up and took a step.

BOOM!

The villagers watched awestruck as the fang demon sat up, smoking, but unhurt once again. They had seen him step on eighty five of the things in a row just a few months ago, but they still stared with popping eyes at the impossible thing that was blundering through their lives.

Ryoga scowled at the people watching him. The last time they had at least clapped every time that he detonated a mine. "Screw this."

Ryoga had thought it over in the months since this had last happened to him. He had an idea. He snarled and jammed his finger into the ground. "Bakusai Tenketsu Revised! Travelling Super Bakusai Tenketsu! Mine sweeper!"

The villagers ran screaming as the earth began to shake. Every landmine and every privy within a ten-mile radius blew almost simultaneously.


	3. Chapter 3

Ranma followed the elusive trail until he came to the obvious place. Looking at the sign, he swallowed. It read, 'Girls Girls Girls! Panty Party Tonight!"

Skin crawling, he slipped past the bouncer, passed through a tasseled string curtain and entered the strip joint. Ranma stepped to one side after he entered and let his eyes adjust to the dimness. Soon he spotted his objective.

Happosai was sitting on a pile of cushions, wedged tightly between two heroically proportioned showgirls. As Ranma watched, The Grandmaster drew on his pipe and blew several hand-shaped smoke puffs that groped realistically at the topless girl dancing up on the stage, to the general hilarity of the audience.

Ranma stared at the girls, swallowed and then averted his eyes. None of them had a thing on Shampoo anyway. Ukyo either, really.

Happosai frowned, looking around. He saw Ranma, broke into a big smile and waved him over. "Have a seat, m'boy! I was gonna look you up this evening anyway."

The bouncer saw who the boy was with and stepped back into his niche. He didn't get paid enough to cross Happosai. The Emperor didn't get paid enough.

Ranma perched gingerly on a cushion by the old man's low table. "I got some things I wanna to talk to ya about, since I'm supposed ta be yer heir an' all." Ranma hated to admit it, but the lousy old perv was pretty damn sharp. He probably knew even more than Cologne.

Happosai shrugged. "I owe you one for introducing me to your lady friends in the park, so ask away!"

Ranma flinched. He still felt pretty bad about that one. "Look, I been seein' these magic things floatin' around, takin' over stuff like trees an' turning them into youma. I saw how they done it and I was wondering if the curse might work that way too."

Happosai looked at him sharply. "How did they do it?"

Ranma swallowed uncomfortably as the stripper smiled invitingly and undulated over to dance right in front of him. "Well, it was a seed made outta chi, but the chi was all tied up and shaped by somethin' else. This stuff, it feels sorta like a blue devil I met, tol' me a wizard made it, but not really much like a regular type of demon, you know? I think its made magic I'm feelin'. It's like a little machine that forces the chi to stick to the tree's chi and then changes how the tree's chi flows. The tree changed shape when its chi did, grew bigger, into a youma… not just taller, but got more mass, like. Just like I do when I change back to guy form."

Happosai was completely ignoring the half naked girls now. "What happened to the youma?"

"I knocked the magical crap off of it and it turned right back into a tree." Ranma peered at the old man, wondering what was up.

Happosai reached into his robe and pulled out a small box, setting it on the low table between them. "Ranma, open this box for me and I'll tell you everything that I know about the curse."

Ranma, no fool, regarded the box with utmost suspicion. "What is it?"

"It belonged to a wizard a long, long time ago. It's supposed to hold an instant youth pill but I've never been able to get it open." Happosai swiftly drained a glass of beer that was almost as large as he was. "Since you can see and touch that kind of magic you might be able to pick the lock. Give me the pill inside and I'll tell you exactly how the curse works."

Ranma picked it up and then put it back down. "I'll try, but not here. This place might get all messed up." The forest or an empty field was the best place for that kind of surprise.

Happosai laughed. "Good thinking, boy! I like this joint."

A large breasted beauty placed a glass of water and a big dish of nuts in front of Ranma, pausing to run her fingers through his hair. ""Oooh, look at _you!_ Hey, handsome, wanna go back to my place and give me a front rub?"

Ranma swallowed. Did he ever! Shampoo would kill her though. "Uh, sorry, but I'm um… married."

"Oh, poop! Why am I not surprised?" The girl sighed and sashayed away with her tray.

"Careful Ranma!" Happosai chortled at Ranma's rapt interest, "If you ever admit that in front of Co-chan you'll be in China before you finish blinking."

Happosai was immensely amused by the girls circling Ranma. It was like watching a school of sharks. Maybe the boy would finally calm down enough to get himself laid. It would calm everything down and do him no end of good.

Ranma shuddered. "No way I'm gonna go live there. I ain't married ta Shampoo."

"It's not so bad. Kind of boring, but not like you think. You are well and truly married to her though, boy. No getting around it." Happosai had lived there with Co-chan for a time, back when some emperor or other was trying to kill him. But then that had been back in the seventeenth century, when everyplace was still pretty much the same dreary agricultural grind. Happi loved the modern age, with its bright lights and abundant nightlife. He would rather be in jail than stuck in a primitive farming village again.

Ranma's eyes widened. "No way! Just because I won a fight is no reason ta get married!"

Happosai snorted, his attention on the dancer. "It's as good as any other reason I ever heard of and better than most. You were in the village, Ranma. Their place, their laws. You publicly challenged her to a duel and won. She'll lose a lot of face and have a pretty miserable existence for a time if she doesn't come back home with you."

Ranma ate a handful of nuts and then drank the water. "I'm surprised that you would say that, bein' such a law abidin' ol' guy yourself."

Happosai shrugged. "Laws don't apply to me, boy. But then I don't expect anyone else to abide by them either. You obviously still believe in laws, so look at it from the little wildcat's point of view for a minute. You go there and break _her_ laws and then expect Shampoo to come here and keep _your _laws by refraining from chopping sulky little Akane or the willing Miss Kuonji into fish-bait? Why?"

Ranma chewed his lip. "Crap. I never thought about it that way. Stupid Oyaji! What the hell am I gonna do?"

Happi laughed. "Don't be stupid, boy! Marry as many of the wenches as you like. Just because you go back to China doesn't mean that you have to _stay_ there. Leave Shampoo in China and travel from wife to wife after you knock her up! I'd love to have your problems, Ranma."

"Ghaa! They'd kill me!" Ranma swallowed. Bigamy would be a disaster. Ukyo could track an ant across a paved road and Shampoo was totally relentless. They would hunt him down like bloodhounds, beat him into a greasy spot and then set the grease on fire when they found out.

"They couldn't manage it, not unless Co-Chan helped, and she wouldn't, not for that." Happi grinned. He wouldn't put that bout at more than even money these days, even with the old bat gunning for his heir. "Those Amazons got some interesting customs, m'boy."

"I would never be able to sleep with both eyes closed again." Ranma shuddered.

"You'll be older than _me_ one day, boy." The old man's voice was reflective, almost sympathetic. "Probably a lot older, maybe outlive me by thousands of years with the talent you have. There is just _no way _that you'll manage to stay with any one of them for that long, even if you find one of the tricks to keep them all physically young. People drift apart, Ranma. It just happens."

The old man puffed on his pipe and considered. "Besides, you need lots and lots of descendents to keep you from getting lost in time. Everyone has to have family, m'boy. Living too long can get really lonely."

"Huh." Ranma imagined hoards of small Shampoos, Ukyos and Akanes duking it out while small Kodachis sniped at them from hiding. He shuddered, convulsively.

Happosai looked at Ranma, calculation in his eyes. "Trust me, Boy. I've had hundreds of girlfriends and dozens of wives. It doesn't take all that much to talk a woman into that kind of arrangement, so long as you keep them all happy in the sack, busy with the kids and rolling in more gold than they can spend."

"You got descendents?" Ranma frowned. They must be a sorry lot of pervs. "Who?"

"You, for one." Happosai sniggered. He loved seeing their expressions when he told them. "Nodoka, Pantyhose Tarou, Ryoga Hibiki, Shampoo, Ukyo, the Tendos." Happi waved his empty mug expansively. "Almost everyone that you know." His descendents actually numbered in the hundreds of thousands worldwide, as best he could calculate it. Even the Emperor was his descendant, although it was not a fact that the Chrysanthemum Throne chose to be aware of.

Ranma paled and almost passed out. "Ugh! Akane, Ukyo and Shampoo are my cousins?" Ranma wasn't all that surprised about his mother. Her weird ideas about manliness had to come from somewhere.

"Fifth cousins at best. Twice removed in Shampoo's case. Don't let it worry you. After a couple of generations the relationship is so distant that it just doesn't matter any more." Happosai sighed. "Time marches on and the family that you made inevitably leaves you behind."

"Jeez." Ranma was getting really depressed. Was that all that he had to look forward to? Ages of loneliness? "How do you stand it?"

Happosai shrugged. It wasn't something that he liked to dwell on. "I don't know, Ranma, I just do. Most people don't have what it takes to want to live much past a hundred fifty or so. They get bored with the routine and give up this world. My wives eventually gave up and let themselves go, but I just go on. The years can weigh hard when your children and grandchildren are dead before you." A wicked smile flashed across the old man's face. "But then all I got to do is get my hands on some silky darlings and I'm feeling just fine!" Happosai enjoyed Ranma's face plant immensely.

Ranma snorted. So much for ancient wisdom. "Look, Jiji, can you tell me a little about how the happo-go-en-satsu really works? I saw the youma using something like it and I need to keep from gettin' drained while I'm tryn' ta open the box."

Happosai nodded, unperturbed. "Well, m'boy, that kind of move works on the principle of water seeking the lowest level. To use it, you have to create a chi void within. The happo-go-en-satsu itself makes a parasitic ki focus through a perfect circle, attaching it to the target's chi. The backflow of the expelled low pressure ki helps create a siphon effect between the target's high chi potential and your chi vacuum. It's all in the aura. But chi aura is also like water in that you can pressurize it by heating it up. Just heat up the ki in the conduit whenever it touches you and it will instantly clog up the pipe, collapse it and stop the siphon."

Ranma nodded slowly. He might even be able to drain the youma's stored ki back his way by going cold. The satsu would probably work with the youma-seeds, too. A blast of hot ki would keep the trapped 'high pressure' chi and its magic payload from getting in. It might even pop the thing.

"How does Miss Hinako get so much battle aura out of a guy?"

Happosai drew on his pipe, his eyes drifting back to the dancer. "You should know that, Ranma. She transforms and uses it up faster than it comes in."

Ranma sat for a time, watching the dancer and thinking about chi. "So if you know a defense, why do you let Hinako-sensei drain you?"

Happosai didn't like so many personal questions and the boy was distracting him from four willing 36DD breasts. His voice was sharp. "She had leukemia. I invented that little trick as a last ditch effort to keep her alive, boy. I'm gradually getting rid of her chi void so that she can finally get married and have some kids. Every time she drains me I redirect her flows a little more."

Ranma stood, picking up the box. He had no doubt at all now that Happosai knew exactly how the curse worked and probably knew a cure. "Thanks, Jiji. Um, Miss Hinako. Who is she really?"

Happosai shrugged. "Ninomiya-chan is my great granddaughter." Happosai grinned at his stunned expression. "Don't be so surprised, Ranma. Ninomiya is older than she looks."

-

Ranma swam to consciousness and snuggled deeper into his bed, hugging his extra pillow. It was wonderfully soft, silky-smooth and pleasantly warm, with a faint scent of cinnamon. It shifted and turned in his arms, its breath warm on his neck.

Ranma's eyes shot open. "Sh-umph."

Shampoo stopped his shout with a deep, paralyzing kiss. "Nihao, Airen," she whispered when satisfied, snuggling herself deeper into his chest.

"What are you doing here?" Ranma was almost hyperventilating. It was Ukyo in the woods all over again. One wrong move and he would end up as a lowly househusband, stuck in a crazy village full of uptight harpies.

"Shampoo no here for bump-bump now." Shampoo's hands were rubbing and roaming, but not going for the gold. "Make much noise. Plenty time later."

Ranma swallowed. He was somewhat relieved, but also very, very disappointed. He got hold of himself and then relaxed. Shampoo had done this to him before. The only difference was that now there was no mallet-happy tomboy here to throw a bucket of ice water on them, put him into the neko-ken and then make a big screaming deal out of it all for weeks. All he had to do was keep control and he was home free.

"Shampoo _very_ lonely. Want… touching? Just to hold, please… and talk."

Ranma nodded and hesitantly put his arms back around her. It did feel good. Really good. Way, way too good. "Mom ain't gonna like this if she finds out."

He wished that he had managed to explain the rules to Mousse. If the duck-boy came along in one of his jealous rages and trashed his mother's house then Ranma would almost certainly be expected to do something serious about it.

"Then Airen just be quiet. Mother-in-Law no find out, everything okay." Shampoo stroked his cheek and sighed. "Why you no come see Shampoo?"

He swallowed. "I… I don't want to get dragged off to China, Shampoo." He had no illusions on that score. Cologne could do it. "It's kind of scary, all right? I'm still too young to decide on a wife and all that stuff. I don't even know what kind of job I want!"

"Airen already decides on wife back in village, but Shampoo knows feeling. Also scared to be in Japans all alone. Shampoo too-too glad when father and great-great grandmother comes. Nothing so bad when not alone."

"You did come alone." Ranma thought about it. She was pretty brave to come to a foreign country like she did. Especially to kill someone. Not that Shampoo had ever really tried to kill him, exactly. Shampoo had given fair warning every time that she had attacked his girl form.

"Why Airen worry? Airen Champion of Amazons, have tai-tai and honored place in village, never be alone. Besides, no need for job in village. Job of being warrior job enough. Village best place in world for warrior to train!" He would be _so_ valuable against the Musk.

Ranma swallowed. "I… I ain't really a warrior, Shampoo. I don't ever want to kill another guy again in my whole life. Saffron was enough. I just want to practice the art and see how far it can really go."

"What reason for art if never to fight?" Shampoo rose up on her elbow to look down into his face, perplexed.

"The first duty of a martial artist is to protect the weak." That was so automatic that he said it before he could even think.

Oyaji had relentlessly pounded it into him, day after day, for ten long years. Every spar, every training exercise, every match, departure and arrival began and ended with that authoritative statement. Ranma took a breath. How much of his thinking was like that? How many of his ideas were programmed?

"Amazons no weak. Still need warriors."

"The old ghoul never really fights. Neither does Jiji, or I'd be dead. They just like to play tricks. I think that fighting is only the beginning of the art, Shampoo. The smallest part."

"Shampoo never wants killing peoples either." She shivered. He was just so _good_ at the art. Even Cologne was sort of awed by his aptitude. How could he lack ambition?

Ranma smiled sunnily at her. "C'mon. We both know that you never really tried to kill anyone."

Shampoo stared back, heart palpitating. That smile made her want to get pregnant, _right now._ "Want to hear big secret of tribe? Kiss of Death too-too sneaky trick to make outsider fight hardest in rematch, not throw fight. Kiss means Amazon warrior declare herself dead to tribe until she win rematch. Challenge match on log not _really real_ fight. Really real fight always use weapon against really real enemy, to really real death." Shampoo had never been in a _real_ fight. Few Amazons had.

Ranma nodded. He had been in a real death match and he had used weapons to kill his enemy. Magical weapons, but weapons in truth. He still had them. "So you wouldn't really kill Akane?"

"Obstacle is for killing, but Pervert Girl no really is obstacle. Only true obstacle is Airen never knowing own heart." Shampoo lay back down. She had to get close to her husband and stay close. She also didn't want him to ask her about Ukyo. "Want sleep now? Shampoo too-too sleepy."

Ranma most certainly did not want to sleep. He swallowed, thinking about a life as Shampoo's househusband in the village, being ordered around all day by tyrannical women. He would find out all about it if he followed his desires. On the other hand, Shampoo was devastating and the women there could hardly be more tyrannical than the ones around here. Fortunately the art was all about control.

Sometimes Ranma wished that he could talk to Shampoo's father. The man was an almost invisible presence in the restaurant though. He spoke no Japanese at all and made a point of not being around when Ranma was there.

"Yeah. Let's sleep." Between the whirlpool of thoughts chasing themselves around in his mind and the feel of Shampoo in his arms it was a long time before he managed to drop off again.

When he woke, she was gone.

-

Ranma hopped off of the train to the ground, ignoring the people gaping at him from inside the train. He would have paid his mother's civilization tax to ride inside, but he'd been late and hadn't been in the mood to wait for the next one. Tucking the violin case under his arm he hopped up on a street lamp, twirled around the standard, threw himself upward, landed on a guardrail and strolled across the bridge.

Ishikawa-Sensei had gotten all the way to lesson seven this time and had awarded him the rank of Student Fiddle Player. Ishikawa, presenting him with a fiddle of his own, had admonished him to practice hard. Ranma had proven to have what Ishikawa-Sensei called 'perfect pitch.' Ranma enjoyed playing, but he didn't know if he was willing to let his true art suffer for such an insignificant achievement. Maybe if he could invent a school of the art based on combat fiddle playing, come up with special fiddle playing kata, where he could meditate, sharpen his concentration and strengthen his-

"Hold Saotome! Hold I say!"

Ranma spun happily to face his challenger. The violin case would make a nice handicap. "Hey, it's Kuno! What brings you all the way to out to Minato-ku?"

Kuno was making a very good imitation of Ranma's normal mode of travel and caught up almost immediately. "Saotome, my twisted sister has given me news. Grave news." Kuno paused and reached for his bokken. "News that I would test."

"Alright! Bring it on!" Ranma had sort of missed his morning matches with Kuno. He wasn't much, but at least he wasn't quite as starkly pathetic as the Hentai Chicks, worthy only to be taunted. Kuno could take it and then some.

Kuno's hand flashed out, but instead of a ki-strong and brutally effective bokken, he held a gun.

Ranma began to blur away, but the Kendoist was already pulling the trigger.

Kuno pulled the trigger several times, but there was no sound.

"Hey!" Ranma looked down at herself in disgust. The gun was bright green. It was a stupid squirt gun. "Damn it! I can't go two hours…

"So it is true." Kuno looked almost ready to cry.

"Yeah. Bummer, huh?" Ranma was almost sympathetic. It meant that she wouldn't beat quite ALL of the crap out of Kuno. But he was indeed in for a bruising.

"The form you take, Saotome. Is it hers? The drowned girl?" Kuno was obviously depressed.

"Nah. I saw a guy with the same curse and she looked totally different from me in her cursed form." Ranma gestured toward herself. "This is what I would have looked like if I'd been born a girl, Kuno. I've been thinkin' on it lately and I think the curse works by changing your natural chi patterns. The changed patterns would almost have to be the closest to what would be natural to the form to work. It would be a heck of a lot harder for the transformation to make me anything female and human other than a female Saotome."

Kuno sighed. "It is indeed a travesty of justice that such divine perfection of feminine form could have passed us by in order to produce a useless cur such as yourself, Saotome. Surely the gods did not intend it so."

"Yeah, I'm one fine lookin' chick. Go figure. Well, Kuno, enough chit-chat. I'm gonna beat you like a drum now."

Kuno didn't hold back at all, unlike his usual encounters with the Pigtailed Goddess, so Ranma had quite an enjoyable battle. Disappointingly short, but nonetheless enjoyable.

-

Ami walked over to the empty school and peered through the gate. This was Furinkan, storied home of martial arts mayhem. According to certain rumors, one Ryoga Hibiki was famous for his occasional visits to duel with the reigning thug, Ranma Saotome.

"Eww. It looks like a miniature prison." Usagi looked at the high wall and its formidable gate, shuddering.

"Do you think he'll be around here?" Rei peered at the empty school and then lost interest.

Ami nodded. "This school is _interesting_. It has the lowest test scores in Tokyo, but the science club built a working supercollider out of old washing machines."

"This place is our only lead on Ryoga Hibiki." Minako was an experienced investigator and she knew that the criminal always returned to the scene.

"Ryoga's down by the canal." Gosunkugi was somewhat bitter at being displaced from his favorite suicide-contemplation spot.

All four girls leapt into the air, shrieking. They hadn't had a clue that he was so close.

Reflexively, Minako lashed out, kicking the ghoulish looking thing in the chest.

Gosunkugi folded like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He went down brutally hard, biting his tongue.

"Eww! What _is _it!" Usagi clutched her henshen stick, ready to transform and thrash the bloody-mouthed vampire, but it just groaned.

"Ugh." Gosunkugi swallowed blood, uncurled and started to crawl away. It was humiliating enough to be beaten up by girls again, but he hadn't even done anything to them this time.

"Don't let it get away!" Rei stepped on its rear, pinning it in place and then slapped an ofuda on the back of the ghoulish creature's head.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ukyo, on her way home from the real estate office, glared at the girls. "Leave him alone!"

"You back off! There's something wrong with him." Rei frowned when all her ofuda did was sparkle oddly.

"Something wrong? Of course there's something wrong! Some bitches attacked him!" Ukyo drew her spatula and roughly shoved Rei away.

"Are you okay, Sugar?" Gosunkugi was a good tipper and a loyal customer, eating as often as three dinners a week in Ucchans. He was quite sickly, thin and rather frail. Ukyo had been trying to bulk him up but he just didn't seem to gain weight.

"Hurth." Gosunkugi, wheezing, spat blood from his ragged tongue. "Bith my thongue. It hurths."

Minako gasped, appalled. "You mean he's not a vampire?"

Ukyo glared at them with arctic contempt. "You listen good, dim-bulb. This is Nerima and we aren't going to tolerate that girl gang stuff around here. Get out of here right now and I won't hurt you. You've got ten seconds. You'll all be hurting like hell in fifteen and out cold in twenty, so shove off while you can!"

Usagi, staring at the boy writing at their feet, paled. They had attacked an innocent. An ugly, ghoulish, boundlessly evil looking innocent, but still an innocent. Even worse, she couldn't transform and heal him without giving away her identity. "We're so sorry, it was an accident. You just startled my friend. It won't happen again. Come on, let's go before we make things any worse."

"I- I'm so sorry." Pale and silent, averting her eyes from the frail boy that she had attacked, Minako followed.

-

When they were finally out of sight of the school, Rei rounded on them. "So we made a mistake, but there was still something wrong about that boy! Did you see the ofuda?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Minako was having second thoughts about their whole mission. Was it really worth all of this? It wasn't like the strange boy was attacking anyone else.

"Well I- What's that?" Makoto pointed toward the canal, where an ugly green cloud was forming.

Ami stared at it through her VR goggles. "It's definitely ki. Maybe we've found him."

-

Ryoga sat by the canal, his misery evoking a green miasma of ki shimmering around him. He was lost again. He was somewhere in Uzbekistan as far as he could tell and he would never again find Akane or Akari. Not that it mattered. The only contact with any women that he could look forward to in this miserable life was the occasional accidental visit.

He sighed, gustily. So what? It wasn't like he had any kind of a decent future anyway. No woman would want a wandering uneducated pig-cursed lost fool for a husband. How could he ever support a family? What kind of job could he get without education and how could he hold on to it even if anyone would hire him? Getting to work and staying there would be nearly impossible.

Something tickled his neck and he brushed it away, irritably. Even the bugs were against him. His misery suddenly deepened as he imagined meeting Ranma's vast hoard of offspring someday.

It would be unbearable. Ryoga winced. They would probably call him 'Uncle Ryoga' and feel sorry for him.

Ryoga knew that he was the last. There would be no next generation of the Hibiki clan. He would wander the world aimlessly, alone and unloved until he dropped dead in some swamp or jungle somewhere from old age. What a relief that sweet oblivion would be.

Ryoga slapped at his neck again. Unable to contain his misery, he rose and extended a fist upward. "Shi Shi Hokoudan!"

A horribly dense ball of dark green plasma rose high into the air and detonated. The shock wave of the airburst broke windows and set off car alarms all over Tokyo.

The release of depression brought him out of his fugue enough for his other dominant emotion to emerge. "Ranma! You three-timing bastard! I'm going to get you good for what you did to Akane's honor!" Ryoga's neck swelled and he turned brick-red with fury.

Ami consulted her readings and almost wet her pants. "Oh! Oh, crap. That was… really _strong."_

Rei swallowed, then threw a rock at him. It was all that she could think of to do, as he didn't seem to notice their attacks at all. "Hey! Pay attention, you evil guy! We're trying to punish you here!"

"Uh?" Ryoga's head whipped around, picking a direction that contained no Senshi. "Oh, no. Oh, hell no! Not the voices again!" He had thought himself truly insane until the demons that had tried to possess him had finally killed themselves, unable to withstand the awful depression.

Usagi stared at him. "He isn't the guy." The evil guy had been a real hunk. So was this guy, but from what she had seen the other one had perfect teeth. Besides, this guy had… issues.

"What?" Rei closed her eyes, felt with her ki and fell to the ground, sobbing. "Oh, so depressed."

Usagi took a deep breath and raised her Moon Rod. "Moon Healing Activation!"

White healing mist surrounded Ryoga, but the evil green miasma of depression around him ate it away as fast as it was produced.

Ryoga whirled, again facing away from the Senshi. From his point of view he was being taunted by disembodied voices. "Demons! I hate demons! Stay out of my head or I'll come back down to Hell and kill you all!"

Usagi whimpered in fear, her conviction that Ryoga Hibiki had seen hell total.

"Mercury Bubbles Blast!" Ami hadn't attacked before because her attacks were comparatively weak but astonishingly, the boy abruptly disintegrated.

"Holy shit!" Minako blushed when everyone looked at her, but they were all distracted from her faux-pa when a small, cute pig emerged from the empty clothes.

"Grab that pig!" Ami knew that something was off about it. It had the same odd magic field as both of the guys.


	4. Chapter 4

Ukyo shuddered with embarrassment as she slipped through the window. She really wasn't this kind of girl, but sometimes you had to do the unexpected in battle. The battle for her Ranchan was the battle of her life, and given the stakes, Ukyo wouldn't hesitate to use the nuclear option.

She wasn't worried about being caught. Konatsu had taught her his 'see me not' technique to suppress her aura, but fortunately she hadn't needed to test it yet.

Listening carefully, she could hear Ranma getting ready for bed. He would be here soon. She fought down the overwhelming urge to slip away into the night. It was now or never, decision time. Whatever happened, Ranma would never again see her as anything but a sexy woman after tonight.

The sound of voices in the hall decided her. Slipping under the bed, she cloaked her aura to the point that she could no longer sense the outside world at all. It was a terrifying sensation, but she would endure it, secure in the knowledge that she was on her own for the last time. She would give Ranchan enough time to drift off and then surprise him.

Using an ancient technique of her school, Ukyo put herself into a deep trance. It would last exactly two hours but make it seem shorter.

-

Ranma lay in his bed, baffled. He couldn't sleep. Every time he drifted off something woke him up.

After a time, he got out of bed and padded to the window. Opening it, he listened. A dog barked once, about a mile away and the familiar subsonic rumble of a great city at night underpinned everything. Sniffing, he could detect nothing on the night breeze. So what was keeping him awake?

Concentrating, he scanned with his rudimentary ki senses. He was still developing the technique and it wasn't very directional, but he immediately got a strong return. It was a youma. Youma were fairly harmless and very interesting. Dressing quickly, he hopped out of the window. This was the perfect opportunity to experiment with Chi-magic.

Ranma moved like a breeze through Minato-Ku, following the faint scent of magic. He turned a corner, passed a closed arcade and fetched up by a set of vending machines.

Hopping to the top of the biggest machine, he donned his umisenken and looked around carefully. It took him a moment to notice, but it was fairly obvious when he did. Vending machines usually didn't have arms, or try to grab at a guy, even when he didn't pay.

"Vendor!" The Youma launched pocky in various directions, unable to locate the mortal that had assaulted its dignity by using its head as a springboard.

Ranma, moving with incredible speed, caught all of the pocky before it landed and carefully stuffed it all into his small ki warp. There was no reason to let it go to waste.

"Hey! That was all almond and chocolate! Got any strawberry?" Ranma dropped his umisenken. He was loving it. He had at least month's supply already.

"Fool! I will drain you!" Vendor pointed a small crystal at the annoying pest.

Ranma tensed, ready to run if his technique failed. He had hoped to test it by provoking Miss Hinako, but he wasn't really worried. It would take the thing a long time to drain him.

Ranma felt the ki conduit touch him. He channeled a trickle of very hot ki at it. The youma's conduit instantly collapsed.

Ranma gave the youma his best grin, a grin that he had spent years perfecting. His grin would and had driven well-respected, sober and kindly martial arts masters into a killing rage in under thirty seconds. It was really the only way to learn their best techniques.

"Heh-heh. What a lame youma. Maybe ya ought ta try shootin' some more pocky at me. Strawberry this time!"

The youma howled with rage and jabbed the crystal at the insolent mortal once again.

Ranma had already assumed the soul of ice. The conduit hit him, attached itself and then backflowed, just as he had thought it would. Fearing contamination he didn't let the thing's ki touch his, just flaring it all away at once in his outer aura. It felt artificial, the only emotion a mindless sort of greed.

The youma screamed in anguish and finally threw the crystal down. Lumbering toward Ranma, it raised its massive arms for a killing blow.

Ranma stood, yawning. He poked a fifty yen coin into Vendor's coin slot when it was close enough. "Hmm, let's see. Alright, you _do_ have strawberry!"

The youma screamed, in rage this time, and brought its fists down with a mighty crash, breaking the pavement.

Negligently, Ranma sidestepped the blow by the merest millimeter. Looking half-asleep, he punched the button and then retrieved his pocky.

The youma went into a frenzy of enraged attempts to hit the horrible mortal, but it simply couldn't touch him.

Ranma casually sidestepped every blow, ruminatively eating his pocky. Finishing, he grinned at the youma. "Man, you are just totally _lame._ I ought to complain to the vending machine company about you being such a wimpy opponent. Good pocky though."

Vendor stopped its futile swiping, swaying on its legs. It had used up a lot of energy. "Complaints? Well then, mortal, HAVE YOUR MONEY BACK!" It spewed coins at Ranma, with the speed of a machinegun.

Ranma backflipped away and then proceeded to catch every single coin out of the air, using a modification of the amigurkin speed technique. "Wow! Thanks, man! I can really use this!"

"It's coming from down here!" The voice was female and approaching rapidly.

Ranma caught an echo of strange energy. He had felt it before. "Oh, hey, sorry to take the money and run, but I gotta go now. The Hentai Chicks are comin' and I don't want anymore fiancées."

Vendor felt like crying. "You'll fall, mortal. All of you will!"

Ranma shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. Thanks again for the money and the pocky. You ain't so bad, for a freak." He assumed his umisenken and stepped away from the depressed vending youma. Picking up the crystal, he stepped over to the alcove where the machine had originally stood. It would be interesting to watch the Hentai Chicks in action.

-

Shampoo didn't hear the door open, but her husband could be very stealthy when he wanted to be. She hadn't felt any aura in the room, so he was playing some sort of game with her, being absent while leaving the window open for her. He was absolutely silent crossing the room, so Shampoo went along with it, lying quietly.

She wondered how he had masked his aura so well. Ranma usually stood out to her senses. It wasn't really that big of a surprise though. One of the many reasons that she had been given such extraordinary latitude in her pursuit was that her Airen's family school had an invisibility technique that the elders badly wanted to add to Amazon wu-shu.

The bed creaked slightly as her beloved climbed in. Shampoo gave nothing but a small contented sigh as she automatically reached for him.

Ukyo swallowed with relief as Ranchan welcomed her with a quick hug. She was somewhat disappointed that Ranchan was in female form, but then as Cosmo had pointed out, a man had to be tamed in stages. She hadn't really expected any sex tonight anyway. Ranma was just making sure that things didn't get out of hand. Sighing, Ukyo settled into her fiancé's loving embrace. She would have to get used to it sooner or later and it was better sooner. After all, Ukyo intended to do _everything_ with Ranma once they were married and that included the cursed form.

Shampoo was a little bit surprised at her Airen's use of his cursed form, but not at all disconcerted. If he thought that Shampoo would be put out by the fact that he was a woman, then he didn't know very much about the Amazon Way. Snuggling close to her love, Shampoo claimed her lips.

Ukyo gasped as Ranma kissed her with absolute thoroughness. It was somewhat upsetting that Ranchan was already such a wonderful kisser, but on the other hand… oh, my. Returning the kiss with interest, Ukyo let her hands explore, finding to her surprise that there was no sense of revulsion.

Interest growing, Shampoo let her tongue swirl inside her love's mouth, and then began to caress the athletic body. She was getting a very good feeling that tonight would be the night that made Ranma hers, and all it took was a little bit of boldness!

Ukyo moaned as Ranma's teasing hands began to invade places that no other hands had ever touched. She took a deep breath and trilled, "Oh, Ranchan!"

Shampoo froze, every bit of blood draining from her head. Disentangling herself, she reached over and snapped on the bedside lamp.

Horrified purple eyes met shocked blue. Both girls sprang away, landing on opposite sides of the bed.

Ukyo began spitting and hyperventilating, instantly un-aroused.

Shampoo wiped at her mouth and then paled in disgust as she remembered where her hand had just been. Clamping her mouth shut, she managed to avoid vomiting.

The girls locked eyes again and rage blossomed so thick that the air in between them almost caught on fire.

"This never happened." Ukyo grated out, retrieving her clothing. She quickly put it all on. "It never happened and we'll never speak of it again. But your ass is grass, China Girl. Not here and not now, but _really soon."_

Shampoo snorted contemptuously and rapidly donned her own clothing. Spatula Girl was tricky and very tough, but not quite tough enough. Shampoo had beaten Dowell twice after all, and the chef couldn't be anywhere close to that level.

"You ass _mine."_ Shampoo hoped that she had loaded her voice with enough contempt. If she followed her natural impulse and attacked at once the Mother in Law would certainly find them and the consequences would be serious. She had a plan to deal with Ukyo decisively, but later. Not much later though.

-

Ranma unwrapped an almond pocky and shook his head sadly as another Jupiter Thunderbolt Crash hit the youma. Poor old Vendor was moving slow and looking kind of scorched. The Crescent Beam, Burning Mandala and Moon Spiral Heart Attack were all cool, if minor, attacks but none of them were all that functionally different from the magic attacks that he'd already seen out of Saffron. The attack that he really wanted to see again was the Shabon Spray, or Mercury Bubbles Blast, but the blue haired chick hadn't shot one off for a long time.

Vendor fell flat and Ranma raised the pocky in a solemn salute to the passing of a brave and generous monster. The battle was over. Eating, he slipped past the Hentai Chicks and headed home. He really needed to get some sleep.

-

Sailor Moon heaved a sigh of relief. The monster had been very tough. "Anything else out there tonight?"

"There's someone watching us. Over there." Ami pointed at a nearby roof.

Moon peered up at the rooftop. "Hello, are you alright? There's nothing to fear now."

"OHOHOHOHOHOHO! On the contrary." Kodachi jumped from the roof, caught an overhead trellis with her ribbon and touched down lightly in front of Moon. "I wish to have a word with you vile harlots. A word of warning."

All of the Senshi tensed. The girl_ felt _evil. "Who are you?"

Kodachi's eyes flashed with utter contempt. "I am the Black Rose of St. Hebereke and you have assaulted my husband to be. I would hear your attempts at explanation for that foul act."

"Huh?" Minako wondered if the girl was all there. "We killed a possessed vending machine. You couldn't mean _that_, could you?"

"Fool! I speak of Ranma Saotome, the owner of my heart, the good and noble man whom you attempted to kill just yesterday!" She decided that the one with the scanner was the weak one.

"Wait… you mean the invisible guy?" Ami was excited. Ryoga Hibiki's enemy! The martial arts thug! It all fit.

"He would hardly allow profane eyes such as _yours_ to defile his noble countenance. Know, harlots, that Ranma-samma is under _my_ protection. Attack him again or pursue him at all and _I_ will deal with you _most harshly."_ Kodachi sniffed contemptuously. Properly approached they were nothing.

"Who attacks husband? _Shampoo kill!"_ Thrilled to find a fight that would take her mind off of things, Shampoo stepped out of the ally to the left. She had been throwing up and trying to avoid bumping into Ukyo again.

"Anyone laying a finger on my Ran-chan is gonna to answer to _me!"_ Ukyo stepped out of the ally to the right side of the street. Spoiling for a fight, she had been throwing up and avoiding Shampoo.

"Ranma Saotome is going to _get it_ for what he did to me! And his little troll too!" Rei, hot headed to a fault, incautiously precipitated the worst all-girl brawl in Tokyo's long and silly history.

-

Ranma hopped through his window, stripped off and sat down on his bed. Frowning, he sniffed the air. What was that smell? It was oddly familiar, almost like Shampoo's cinnamon scent but with a hint of strawberry. It was hard to tell after eating the pocky. There was something else under it all, a tantalizing scent, something compelling but still vaguely familiar.

His bedsheets had been pulled neatly taut before he left. Now they were in disarray, tangled and wadded at the foot of the bed.

Ranma stood and put a hand on the mattress. He remembered the way that he had taken Vendor's fake ki into himself. It gave him an idea. Maybe he could take in the chi lingering on the sheets and _feel_ exactly who had been there. He just hoped that his mom hadn't come in for some reason and caught Shampoo in his bed while he was gone.

Ranma concentrated on his soul of ice to no avail. Obviously there had to be a connection already established to make it work like that. Sighing with fatigue, he thought about Miss Hinako and tried forming a ki-void in his aura.

Touching the sheet, he gasped as the lingering chi was drawn in to his aura. It was Ucchan. Ucchan and Shampoo. Sexually aroused. Together? He broke into a sweat as the latent sexuality swamped him. They had been… aroused. In his bed. Together.

Swallowing, feeling absurdly energized, he sat down in his chair and stared slack-jawed at the bed. He did not blink for over ten minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Fireballs and lightning bolts flashed through the air, detonating against the empty commercial buildings of the formerly quiet ward, illuminating a scene out of the fifth circle of hell.

The battered buildings surrounding the fight attested to the number of misses. The battles with Vendor had been nothing more than a warm up to this main event.

"Okonomiyaki Barrage!" Ukyo carpet-bombed the opposition with explosive okonomiyaki, breaking windows all around. Swiftly deflecting the retaliatory fireball attack with her spatula in a diving roll, Ukyo came up so that none of the conniving short-skirted floozies had a clean shot at her without harming an ally. It was an effective tactic when fighting a group, but not one that could be used against her. Although Kodachi and The Chinese Bitch were forced to act as her allies, Ukyo wouldn't worry a bit if they soaked up a little 'friendly' fire.

"Hohohohohoho! You came close, vulgar peasant! Let the Black Rose show you how it is done."

"You harem sluts won't stop us! We will punish Ranma Saotome in the name of Love and Justice!" Ami scrambled away from a wickedly fast razor hoop only to narrowly miss being beheaded by the Chinese girl's sword. The witches were unbelievably fast and instinctively moved to exploit tactical weakness. The problem was that most Senshi battles consisted of standing off in a group and throwing magic attacks at a slow-moving, dull-witted monster until the monster died. These Neriman martial arts sluts weren't slow or dull witted, although they did sometimes snipe at each other.

"Shampoo only one to be loving Ranma! Anyone else try, SHAMPOO KILL!" Shampoo evaluated the opposition and zeroed in on the weakest link. When the first one broke and ran the rest would follow. She didn't want to kill anyone, but a good hard bruising should scare them all off and encourage them to keep their leggy little selves far away from valuable Amazon Property.

"Ranchan is MINE bitch!" Ukyo angrily knocked Ami right out of the fight, instantly rounding on Makoto and attacking with a stunningly single-minded ferocity.

"For Kami's sake! Keep him, I don't care!" Makoto twisted frantically away from the weird weapon and tried to get clear. There was no way to throw a thunder crash without hitting a Senshi. Makoto had studied judo and could usually hold her own in the hand to hand stuff, but these enemies were clearly the very top of the top-rank of martial artists. They had ranged attacks of their own, but up close they were utterly lethal. They moved so fast that they blurred, their limbs cutting the air with a swish-crack, just like the sound effects in a cheesy Chinese martial arts movie. Only these people were terrifyingly real. Makoto was taking a terrific beating and had only managed to score one glancing blow.

"Hohohohoho! We shall see who wins this contest, futile harlots! Fight well and perhaps I shall deign to name one of Ranma's daughters in your honor. Or perhaps a dog." Kodachi was having the time of her life in this target-rich environment.

Rei gasped as the ribbon snaked in out of nowhere and snapped tightly to around her neck. An instant later, she found herself half-imbedded in a brick facade. Falling hard back to street level, she sat up, dazed. Her magical protections had prevented her from taking very much harm, but it was clear that they needed to change the way they were fighting if they wanted to win this thing.

"Ugh. I say that he deserves them just as much as they deserve him." Ami sat up, woozily.

"_Stupid Outsider Girls!_ Shampoo never stop hunting Airen! Shampoo fall, Shampoo's _sisters_ hunt Airen! GIVE UP CHASING SHAMPOO'S HUSBAND! Outsiders no can win!" Shampoo was pissed. She thought about teaming with these clumsy magic users to eliminate a rival, but such an act would inevitably poison her life with Ranma. She had to stick to the plan.

Usagi squealed as the savage blurred in and sliced more precious hair off of her head. Maybe the girl was angry because they had nearly the same hairstyles? Usagi didn't know precisely why they were fighting, but she did know that 'Shampoo,' as the others had called her, could have beheaded her almost at will.

Frustrated, Shampoo wondered if she would have to resort to spanking the clumsy little blonde with the flat of her sword to get her moving.

Usagi raised her scepter for a desperate attack. "Moon Stick-

"Moon stick up _ass!"_ Shampoo disarmed the girl with an elegant move that her great-great grandmother called an 'en quarte' and then finished evening up the new hairstyle by slicing off a millimeter of the other bun. "Always too-too good chance for running safe aways, but you no take! Now you_ die,_ Moonie Girl!"

Usagi almost fainted, but she still didn't run. She was increasingly sure that this wasn't really a fight to the death. Maybe she could negotiate? Ranma couldn't be an enemy of love. Not with so many beautiful, senshi-level warriors vying for him. "Enemies of love and justice must be punished! If this Ranma guy isn't a pervert then what was that awful-

"SWEEEEEETO!"

All of the girls, Senshi and Neriman alike, stiffened at the sudden breeze that passed through them, carrying away their undergarments like the autumn leaves of yesteryear.

"Ugh. UGH! Happosai! _Get him get him get him!"_ Ukyo laid down an okonomiyaki barrage on the awful old man, but it was useless. Happosai simply deflected or dodged around them at a ludicrous velocity.

"WOOOO-HOOOO! What a haul!" Happosai was delighted by this wonderful find. Female battle aura of the most refined variety abounded. He was hugely energized.

"THE TROLL! Mars Burning Mandala!" Rei was angry at the martial arts girls, but that didn't even begin to approach the depth of her animus for the filthy little troll.

Happosai deflected the fireball with his pipe, lighting it in the process. "Hotcha! Thanks, Doll!"

"Ewww!" Makoto held her skirt down as the old man groped her and took her bra in passing.

"Pretty Ladies! Oh, come to poppa!" Happosai paused to rest between Shampoo's breasts, the best ones there.

Shrieking, a panic stricken Shampoo tried to extract the Ancient Enemy of the Amazon Nation from her cleavage, but was distracted by Ami's Mercury Bubbles Blast.

Ami grinned. It was a twofer. When the mist cleared, she shouted with shock. There were only clothes where the girl had been, just like the baffling case of Royoga Hibiki. Instead of a pig, there was an angry cat this time. Having lost track of the troll, she screamed like a factory whistle as it glomped onto her breasts, drawing massive fire from all directions.

-

Ranma got up with the dawn, completely refreshed even though he hadn't slept much. His mind had been chasing itself in circles, trying to figure out how something like that could have happened between Ucchan and Shampoo and what it all meant.

Thrusting the weirdness from his mind with the ease of long practice, he decided to begin his day. He left a note for his mother and headed for Nerima via rooftop. Trains took too long and besides, trying to extend his jumps made for a great way to practice his flying technique.

Passing over the scene of Vendor's destruction, he whistled. There were police, fire and news trucks everywhere. The place had really gotten torn up, with big gaping holes in the buildings, and even a few collapsed piles of rubble. Something must have gone down after he left. Poor old Vendor was just a sad little pile of parts scattered around the broken pavement.

Ranma never noticed the news cameras tracking him as he flitted overhead.

-

Genma lounged on a soft couch, a worshipful Nodoka hand-feeding him various delicacies. They watched with approval as their many powerful grandsons mercilessly tormented Ranma. Training was wonderful, when you weren't involved. Genma had waited a long time for this level of payback and he intended to enjoy every second of it.

The schools were joined at last and Genma's life was one of the most luxurious ease. He Who Should Not Be Named Even in Dreams had been safely disposed of by getting him totally smashed at Ranma's wedding reception and smuggling his chained and insensate form into the nosecone of a rocket bound for the sun. Nodoka had turned the Saotome honor blade over to Akane and all was well in Genma's world.

-

"Wake up, you lazy lump of panda fat! You're getting weak! Sooo _weak!"_

Genma blinked awake just in time to impact the koi pond. Roaring with rage, the huge panda rose in a loose, familiar stance.

Smirking, Ranma landed on the grass in front of it, assuming the exact same stance. "Woe is me! Oh the shame of it all, to have this weak and indolent panda-bear for a father! Whatever shall I do?"

The Panda feinted, blurring into invisibility as it lunged.

-

Nabiki opened her window, glaring poisonously out on the familiar scene. There was remarkably little to see. A large blur and a small blur, flitting maniacally about the yard, snapping and crackling as they broke the sound barrier, throwing up the occasional bit of dirt. Worst of all, when videotaped and slowed down it looked exactly like the cheapest possible special effects. It was useless.

Ranma had been gone for three days and Nabiki had just gotten used to sleeping all night again. There was a knock on her door and Kasumi came in.

"What is all that noise about, Oneechan? Is Ranma back?"

"See for yourself." Nabiki gestured grumpily at the window. She was not a morning person.

Looking out, Kasumi smiled at the familiar scene. "Akane will be _so_ pleased! It looks like they're working up quite an appetite out there. I had better get breakfast started."

Kasumi had quite missed Ranma. Father and Uncle Genma had been morose since he had left. Poor Akane had radiated brightly false cheerfulness, interspersed with carefully concealed crying jags in the furo. The fragile serenity of the Tendo home had been wounded by Ranma's absence. At least for today it would be whole again.

-

Genma wracked his ursine brain, trying to come up with something _really_ cunning. The wretched boy was ungodly fast and already knew a lot of the really dirty tricks, especially since he had started deliberately antagonizing The Master. It was getting harder and harder to win, but Genma knew that he had to do it. Only he could keep the boy from getting too cocky.

Diving deep into his bag of tricks, Genma abruptly split himself into two Pandas.

Ranma halted, entranced. A massive grin split his face. "You know Splitting C- C- Cat Hairs?" He had been trying to pry that secret out of Cologne forever, but she wouldn't lift a finger against him anymore for fear of giving away Amazon techniques. Cologne had told him bluntly that advanced Amazon techniques were a package deal that came with an Amazon wife.

Genma growfed in annoyance, seeming to give away which image was real. The boy still hadn't learned to _pay attention._ It was the only thing that Genma really had left to teach him.

Ranma flashed toward the apparently incautious Panda, sailed right through the image and hit the wall hard. He just had time to glimpse a third Panda shimmering into existence before it caught him up in Hells Cradle.

Ranma struggled mightily and finally had to give up. "All right, Old Man. You got lucky this time." He was delighted. Pops still had some tricks left to teach him after all! The morning sessions would have to start earlier and get a little more… intense.

Genma gave a satisfied growf and then suplexed the boy face-down into the koi pond. Returning to the house, the huge panda bowed grandly to Kasumi and accepted the steaming kettle of victory.

Ranma pulled herself out of the muck with a wet sucking sound, spat and then wiped the mud from her face. "Hiya, Kasumi, Nabiki!" Wringing out her shirt, Ranma gave them all a big smile. "Great to see all of you again!"

Nabiki, now at the bottom of the stairs, rolled her eyes at the muddy, mostly-unclothed girl. "Great to see all of you again too, Ranma."

"Welcome back, Ranma!" Kasumi giggled at Nabiki's drollery and then essayed a small joke of her own. "Will you be staying for breakfast?"

Ranma just stood beaming at them as everyone had a good hard laugh at that one.

Kasumi saw the water dripping from the pants. "Oh my, you can't go to school like that. It's a good thing that you had clothes in the laundry. Go ahead and wash, Ranma. I'll put your clean clothes in the changing room."

"Thanks Kasumi!" Ranma flitted up the stairs, wondering how he had forgotten about school.

-

Akane slammed the door open, entered the washroom, stared blearily into the mirror and then washed her face. She had dreamed of the aborted wedding over and over, except it was always her watching Ranma marry another girl.

Shivering slightly, she closed the door and cast an eye on the furo. A nice hot soak would wake her right up and she had time for it now that Ranma wasn't hogging it every morning. Akane sighed, glumly. She dipped a hand into the hot water and started to disrobe, only to freeze in place.

The water looked… funny. Like it had bubbles in it. Bubbles in the shape of…

Staring, she slowly stretched out her hand until it encountered something warm. Something warm, long, rock-hard and invisible poking up out of the water. Something like a fleshy rod of silky warm steel…

Akane swallowed, glutinously. "R- Ranma?"

"Aw, crap." Ranma, his face screwed up in fearful lust and his body braced for utter annihilation, suddenly shimmered into visibility in the tub.

Akane realized exactly what it was that she was fondling. Jerking back, hyperventilating, she turned and walked stiffly out of the furo. She got ten steps before a massive nosebleed hit.

"Pervert," she whispered.

-

Ukyo groaned as she sat down at her school desk. She had been hit with a giant pink heart the previous evening, only partially dodging the blow. It was bad enough having to fight alongside Kodachi and The Chinese Bitch, but for them to see her get hit by something that stupid was just humiliating.

Ranma slunk through the doorway looking rebellious, then slumped into his seat. Kuno had thrown water at him before attacking this time. Ranma had not been feeling at all charitable this morning, especially since Akane had flatly refused to come out of her room with him in the house. He hadn't seen her all morning. The girls were driving him nuts. Only luck and the unnatural density of Kuno's skull had saved Ranma from a murder rap.

"Ranchan!" Ukyo managed a big smile of welcome. She would have him soon.

"Hey ya, Ucchan." Ranma, suddenly remembering what his ki senses had told him about her and Shampoo, blushed badly. He also instantly got the big intractable woody that he'd been sporting all morning back.

"Something wrong, Ranchan?" Ukyo's eyes flicked downward and widened. Could it be?

"Um, Nah." Ranma shifted uncomfortably in his seat and let a bit of paper fall casually into his lap.

Ukyo's smile turned radiant. Ranchan was _very _glad to see her!

"Good morning class!" Ms. Hinako came into the room in her child form and beamed at the room. Her eyes swept across them and stopped on Ranma. "Oh! Oh, Ranma, can I have some of your pocky pleeeze pleeze pretty please? You've got lots!"

"Uh?" Ranma wondered how she knew that he had a surplus of pocky. "Yeah, well alright."

Hinako beamed. "Thanks ever so much! You're the nicest delinquent ever!"

Ranma started to get up and froze. He was still rock hard. "Um, justaminute." Donning the umisenken, he quickly got some pocky out of his ki warp. Settling back in his seat, he put it on his desk. "Here ya go!"

Everyone in the room was staring at him now.

"Aren't you going to bring it to her?" Yuka was having fun. Ranma was obvious in his silk clothing.

Ranma swallowed and belatedly noticed that every girl in class was grinning at him. He reddened and desperately avoided looking at Ukyo. "Ummmm. Ah, I ummm-

"Don't you worry, I'll be happy to take care of_ everything_ for you, Ranchan." Ukyo gave him a startlingly wicked smile, leaving no doubt at all about her true meaning.

Ranma gritted his teeth as she relentlessly pressed her breasts into him while gathering the pocky from his desk. He almost fainted when she took the opportunity afforded by her head being hidden from Hinako's view to lick the shell of his ear. The class laughed openly at him as he dropped his notebook in his lap, desperately trying to deal with the uprising.

It was so stressful that Ranma finally fled into the Soul of Ice.

"Here you go!" Ukyo cheerfully handed the Pocky over to her young teacher. Ranma would fall into her hand like a ripe apple. TODAY! She would get him today, while there were no competitors around to dispute the matter.

"W- What the heck?" Hirumi was cold. There was a freezing mist surrounding Ranma now, ice crystals falling out of the humid air. "It's snowing!"

Hinako, gobbling pocky, ignored it all.

"Ranchan?" Ukyo reached for him, hesitated and used a ruler to poke at him. "What are you doing, Ranchan?

Ranma was silent, his eyes clenched, gritting his teeth and concentrating.

Ukyo gasped when the wooden ruler shattered from the cold. Maybe she shouldn't have licked his ear. "Okay, everyone, we're going to have a little fire drill. Let's all go out in the hall for a while and… stay well away from Ranma."

Ranma, pouring his pent up lust into the technique, was oblivious. It worked so well that he completely forgot to ask Hinako just how she knew about his pocky-wealth.

-

Shampoo looked at Ranma's window and blushed. Spatula Girl would be getting her payoff soon.

Propping her bicycle on its kickstand, Shampoo straightened her dress. Airen's home wasn't quite as imposing as the Tendo place, but it was quite nice. Nicer than she remembered it being before it was destroyed.

Since this was technically Amazon ground, she didn't break the wall as she would have done on entering an enemy stronghold. Taking a deep breath, Shampoo knocked.

Nodoka glanced at the clock and bustled to the door. However this came out she expected to enjoy herself. Shampoo was quite an interesting person by all accounts.

"Nihao, honored Mother in Law!" Shampoo's smile of greeting became even brighter on noting that the Mother in Law was properly armed, as a free woman should always be. It was compensation for having to take the disreputable panda into her family.

"Welcome, Shampoo. Oh, goodness! What a beautiful dress!" Nodoka had never seen silk so lustrous.

Shampoo spun around to show it off. The cheongsam was new, a gift from her Aunt Soap. Its dark luster perfectly accentuated her eyes and hair. "Is new kind of silk! Tribe work on idea long-long time, is spider silk! Spider very poison, but silk is too-too strong! Best of all, can spin color silks! No need for dyeing!"

"Spiders that spin colored silk? Very impressive! Won't you come in?" Nodoka stepped back, invitingly. Shampoo's dress was worth an emperor's ransom and announced her tribe's vast wealth. It was a very respectable opening gambit.

Shampoo smiled her thanks and entered. "Shampoo bring-

Setting her face in concentration, Shampoo started again. "I have brought regard-gift, as is done in my homeland." She bowed, proffering a gift-wrapped box.

Nodoka took the box with a smile. The traditions for receiving visitors were much the same in Japan and China. Kodachi, a very _modern_ girl, had forgotten the regard-gift. "Thank you, you're too kind. Won't you sit with me and have some tea?"

"Sh- Yes, thank you so-much." Shampoo had spent the last few days listening to a 'Learn Japanese Fast' audio course on Mousse's CD player.

-

"Really! I was just helping Kuno to the nurse's office!" Hiroshi smiled, winningly. "Ranma really stomped him this morning."

"That's funny. I was helping Kuno this morning and I didn't notice you around." Nabiki stared with dead-pan menace at the sweating fool. Liars and fools paid double. "It doesn't pay to lie to me, Hiroshi. Not when you're _that_ bad at it. Now do you want to start again?"

Hiroshi smiled sickly. "Uh, no?"

"Too bad. Start talking." Nabiki decided that she wouldn't take a yen less than a thousand to get him out of trouble. She never took bribes in her office of hall monitor, scrupulously enforcing the letter of the law, but she could be induced to help a repentant and well heeled fellow negotiate his way back to the straight-and-narrow while avoiding undue punishment, for sufficient consideration of course. For some reason the vice principal was always willing to take her recommendations of leniency at face value.

"Um, we were just in the AV room, watching Ranma on TV. It was really cool how he thrashed that youma! I thought that only magical girls could do that, but he was in his guy form." Hiroshi frowned. Were some youma just wimps? "He looked kinda bored."

Nabiki's lidless gaze made him very nervous and he started to babble.

"I guess that Ranma's a girl sometimes and turning into a girl is certainly magical, so he really _is_ like, a magical girl though, _technically _speaking, so maybe it like… carries over?" Hiroshi blinked. "Oh, Kami-sama, please don't tell him that I said that! I thought she was gonna kill Kuno this morning after he threw the water. Is she on the rag today or something?"

Nabiki almost changed her expression, carefully suppressing an inappropriate bout of laughter. "Hiroshi, Hiroshi, Hiroshi. Do you really want me to ask Magical Girl Ranma that question on your behalf?"

Hiroshi turned grey with terror. "Um, no please."

Nabiki smirked. _"Good_ decision. Now let's go to the AV room. You can tell me _all _about it as we walk. Oh, and when you see Daisuke, tell him to come and see me. He's in trouble too."

-

Nabiki turned on the television and found the all-news channel. There was a blurry shot of Ranma on the screen, and then a still of him hanging in the air and grinning arrogantly down at something. Nabiki felt a pang of regret. He was unbelievably telegenic.

'-if anything is known about this person.' A number was displayed.

The screen changed to show a shadowed figure, obviously Ranma, effortlessly humiliating a large youma. "Once again, this is the best picture we could get from the security tape from the destroyed arcade. Whoever this person is, he can quite obviously defeat the monsters and I for one would _love_ to welcome him into the ranks of Tokyo's defenders. This is Cutie Michiko, NHK Morning News."

"Did you call?" Nabiki was very calm. She was always calm in an emergency.

Hiroshi was afraid, his usual practice when Nabiki got too calm. "Um, no, but Daisuke did. Sorry."

Nabiki scowled. Now there would be supernatural enemies and fiancées mixed in with the unnatural ones already besieging the dojo. Someone would pay for this. She would start with Daisuke.

-

After spending a time engaged in the obligatory small talk, Nodoka began her interview.

"Why do you wish to marry my son, Shampoo?"

Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo already married to Airen-son by law of homeland."

Nodoka's eyes widened. "I had heard something about my son being considered 'married' because of a fight, but surely that isn't so!"

"Is so. Ranma challenges Shampoo, Ranma wins, so Shampoo now married wife of Ranma in eyes of tribe. Amazon peoples strong, live long-long time. Great Great Grandmother still strong is, maybe strongest ever, live maybe another hundred year, maybe two hundred year. Shampoo live long time too, maybe longer than Honored Matriarch if not kill first like mother and grandmother. Tribe get strong by marrying only to strong-strong male. Ranma strongest, fastest, smartest, bestest male ever visit village. He no-never get away, must make many-many-many babies for Hero Womans Tribe! Shampoo chase forever."

Nodoka blinked twice, then took a sip of her tea. "Well, that was a succinct summation of the situation. I must ask you though, Shampoo. Do you have any feelings for Ranma at all? Aside from devotion toward your duty to the tribe?"

Shampoo rocked back as if slapped. "Shampoo _die_ for Ranma! Shampoo _kill_ for Ranma! Shampoo betray tribe, betray all, throw away honor throw away pride, throw away _self_ for Ranma." Shampoo looked down at the tabletop, tears rimming her eyes. "Shampoo loves only Ranma for whole life." She had not fallen for him quickly, but the Ghost Cat incident had won her whole heart.

The girl looked up and Nodoka peered into her strange purple eyes. There was nothing but perfect truth in them.

"Oh, my." Nodoka had been hoping that some sort of arrangement could be made, but Shampoo obviously wasn't going away. "Tell me a little bit about life in your village, won't you?"

-

Ryoga woke when the lock rattled on the shed door. He was lying on bare cement, cold and terribly thirsty. No one ever though about animals getting thirsty, cold or hungry but he knew beyond doubt that pigs did.

Getting to his paws, Ryoga staggered over so that he was huddled against the thick wood, carefully avoiding the opposite corner. The old man had kept him penned up in the shed for what seemed like days. He'd held on as long as he could, but finally had to go. That was another thing that people never thought about, that an animal might not like to be trapped in the dark, smelling its own excrement and waiting to be eaten or just to die of thirst.

Ryoga wasn't really all that crazy about people anymore.

The girl opened the door and Ryoga blinked at the bright sunlight streaming in around her. He wanted to make a dash for it, but he was too weak. Even he couldn't go too long without water. It was better not to resist until he had some strength and a real chance to get away.

Peering with his weak pig eyesight, he noted that it was the same girl that had grabbed him. He wondered why she was holding on to him like this. They would have fattened him up and let him drink his fill if they planned to eat him. She obviously didn't like pigs as pets.

"Ewww! That pig _reeks."_ The girl wrinkled her nose.

Ryoga trembled with rage. How would she smell if she were locked in a tiny dark shed for days? If there were any real justice in the world then she would find out. Not that there was any justice in the world.

"Pigs aren't known for their delicate sense of hygiene."

Ryoga stared. A TALKING CAT had emerged from behind the girl's leg and insulted him. Pigs were very clean animals unless put in a pen. Certainly cleaner than some dirty scruffy cat, shedding, pissing and licking its butt all over the place. Ranma was right about them.

Caught between amazement and outrage, Ryoga almost missed the other girl entering.

"Oh. OH! There's no _water!_ Rei, how could you be so cruel? I knew that I should have checked!"

"But… Grandpa said that he would take care of it!" Rei was defensive and terribly upset. She just hadn't thought. Grandpa was a little forgetful sometimes.

Ami shook her head. "Well he didn't. I'm surprised that the poor little thing is still alive at all."

Ryoga peered myopically with his pig eyes. It was another girl, a girl with short black hair, much like Akane. Ryoga struggled weakly as he was snatched up. He didn't want to be a pet anymore. He inevitably fell in love with any girl that would give him the time of day. It only led to heartbreak in the end and his heart was already nothing but crumbs.

The cat sat and cocked its head. "So? It's just a stupid pig. Scan it and then let's go ahead and eat it." Luna was a very civilized feline, but still a cat at heart.

"Luna!" Rei felt bad enough about it. Her grandfather had some explaining to do.

Ami hugged the weary little pig. "This super-cute little guy _isn't_ on the menu, Luna. He needs water, food, cleaning up and more hugs, in that order. Lets get him all fixed up and then I'll scan him. Water first. Where is the hose?" She could nurse the poor little pig back to health. She wanted to be a doctor after all and if Usagi and Minako could have moon-cats then why couldn't she have a cute little earth-pig?


	6. Chapter 6

"Any lil wahines be comin' on 'de campus of dis place o' island learnin have to hava de prop-ah haircut!" Principle Kuno waved his sheers in Cutie's face, leering, his deeply tanned, densely muscular body and brilliant Hawaiian shirt making his white teeth seem almost blinding. The palm tree growing out of his head placed him firmly outside of any category that most reporters could deal with.

"Eeeeeeek! What is it?" Cutie scrambled back, away from the gate and huddled with the rest of the reporters.

"Dis kanaka be da Big Kahuna! I be tendin' to da makin' o' de rules around dis place o' de Hawaiian Arts, an' de Big Kahuna's rule fo' today be no repota's on de campus bodderin' all his little kekeis!"

A network anchor, suave and power-suited, stepped forward to crush this pathetic challenger to the might of the press. "You sir, are a madman and I do not believe that you are in any way affiliated with the Ministry of Education! Desist in impeding us or I shall summon the police!"

Kuno chuckled, condescendingly. The arrogant news hound had no idea that he was addressing his master. The Kuno had a controlling interest in the media conglomerate that employed the blow-dried fellow. There wasn't a news organization in the country that would print one word about a Kuno without permission and few had the nerve to ask.

"Don' you tink so? Den call yo boss, lil man. In de meantime, hab yo'self a nice juicy pineapple!" The Big Kahuna itched to give the angry man a little trim, but a _special_ pineapple would do for now.

Ranma, slipping invisibly past the crowd, winced. He hoped for the reporters' sake that the Big Kahuna would use smoke bombs this time instead of the concussion grenades that he usually favored.

-

"Are you feeling any better, Sweetheart?" Ikuko stepped into the family room and looked closely at her daughter, tisking. "You should be more careful!"

Usagi nodded and sank into the couch, shamefaced. She had told her family that she had fallen down the stairs again. She really hated lying, but she could hardly say that she was unbearably stiff from dueling with martial-arts girls and demonic pervert-gnomes. Fortunately the battle had ended with the two surviving martial artists pursuing the gnome to the west. The mysterious cat had escaped, but Ami had taken the rather exotic dress for analysis and trying on.

Ikuko cocked her head. She hadn't noticed from Usagi's 'morning hair,' but now that the girl had washed and brushed her hair it was obvious. "Oh! Your hair looks _beautiful _like that! It frames your face ever so much better! Did one of your friends style it for you yesterday?"

"Sort of." Usagi blushed at the thought that an enemy had done this for her. Not that she could really think of the Chinese girl as an enemy anymore. Not really. In fact she was quite worried. The empty clothes and the vanished cat had frightened her, but not as badly as her hair. She had been sniveling like a baby, nearly hysterical with fear, until Rei had produced a small mirror. The truth was, the Chinese girl, Shampoo, as her… associates had called her, had done an absolutely superb job of styling her hair. With a sword. While they were supposedly fighting. It was all quite beyond belief.

Ikuko nodded sympathetically. Usagi had been growing and it made her very clumsy. "I called the school. Mokoto and Rei will be bringing your work by this evening. They should be here soon."

Usagi was surprised. She had doubted that Rei would go to school either, after being snatched up by that ribbon and used repeatedly as a mace to pound the perverted demon with. Shampoo and Ukyo were both unspeakably violent, but that Kodachi was a pure maniac.

Settling back, she turned on the TV with the remote and swallowed. "Oh… look at that." Ranma Saotome was center screen, eating pocky, his back mockingly turned to an enraged Vendor, casually sidestepping vicious blows from the helpless youma.

Ikuko sat down on the couch and smiled. "Yes, isn't it fantastic? They started playing it this morning, after you went back to bed. What a manly fellow! He's a real catch for some lucky girl!"

Or three, thought Usagi. "Was there… anything else?" Even though her disguise field would prevent her from being recognized, Usagi didn't want to see her scouts or herself being humiliated on television.

Ikuko sighed. "The Senshi arrived to dispose of his little toy, but not before it broke an electrical vault. The camera cuts off then. No one knows what happened after the youma died. A cab driver that got lost trying to get out of the area reports that there was some sort of magical-girl riot, but he didn't stay to watch." She smiled knowingly. "They were probably fighting over Ranma."

"Ranma?" Usagi swallowed. Her mother was dead right, in a wrongheaded sort of way. Ranma was very cute, but he was also the most arrogant boy in the entire history of the universe. Shampoo's razor-sharp sword, immense skill and stated willingness to use it on anyone who dared trespass were also a factor in her coolness toward Ranma.

Ikuko smiled knowingly. "Oh, yes. The network has been tracking down tips about this Ranma all day. He's really quite the mystical hunk. Apparently he's the heir to one of the oldest and most exclusive martial arts styles that still exist. Have you ever heard of Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu? It was banned after Menji, but the proscription was lifted in the forties."

-

Nabiki almost swooned in orgasmic delight as the marketing representative handed her the check. It had an obscene number of zeroes after the one and twenty percent of it was hers. "I'll see what Ranma thinks, but I'm sure that he can be persuaded." Nabiki would persuade him even if she had to take over the engagement again and _screw_ the lunk-head into submission. In fact, she wanted to do that anyway, truth be told. The acquisition of large amounts of cash made her unbearably horny.

"Rocket Pocky will be happy to have Mr. Saotome aboard as our spokesman, or just to endorse our product. Anything he likes." Mr. Sato, senior marketing director of National Bulk Food Corporation, gestured meaningfully with his checkbook. "May I ask how many other organizations have approached you?"

Nabiki smiled cagily. "Oh, a few." She was so glad that she had conned Ranma into signing that agency agreement. Saotome hadn't even read it. It would be almost impossible for him to get out of.

"I can tell that you are a shrewd young woman that is going places, but if you don't mind some free advice, be careful what you sign, Ms. Tendo. And be _especially_ wary about what _he_ signs. In court, right usually boils down to having the right lawyers." Mr. Sato gestured at the media circus surrounding the Tendo walls. "There are financial sharks rallying to this opportunity from the four corners of the earth. If one is not careful, one can sometimes cut a deal so sharp that one begins to bleed."

Nabiki nodded. "I understand. I'm greedy, but I know the limits. It's the _real_ sharks that worry me, Mr Sato. Gods, Demons, monsters and revenge-crazed martial artists, all looking for Ranma. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for the news conference."

The reporters that paid a cool million yen would get the standard 'meet Ranma Saotome' info-pack that she usually sold for fifty yen to curious newcomers at Furinkan, as well as permission to tape her personal rundown on Ranma. The rest could film the Tendo outer walls to their hearts content.

-

"Men is no good for long term plan." Shampoo's voice was flat. "Tribe tests this, over thousand years. Womans better for ruling of tribe."

"So Amazon men are accounted inferiors?" Nodoka leaned forward intently. Her grandsons would be servants to none.

"Not so! Shampoo loves Honored Grandfather, father, no think inferior! Mens have respected place. Some mens great warleader, kill many Musk and Peoples Army Soldier. Mens control big construction project, do great business, but only Honored Elder Grandmother over hundred year old serve on _council."_ Shampoo shook her head. "Tribe _old._ Men not _long-term."_

"What would Ranma do with himself, living in your village?" Nodoka understood exactly what Shampoo meant about men. Genma was all tactics with little grasp of strategy. He had trained Ranma to a razor's edge, hoping to produce the ultimate martial artist and he had largely succeeded. Unfortunately Genma had never thought his retirement schemes all the way through. How could a near-supernatural being like Ranma abide working as a teacher of the 'martial arts' in a modern Japanese dojo? His students would be spoiled middle-class children, dilettantes whose families would never put up with the brutal training methods of Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu or Ranma's autocratic demands on their time. Most 'martial artists' never had a_ real_ fight in their lives. They weren't anything like Ranma.

Shampoo shrugged. "Ranma much respected. He do as please. Watch over servants if feel like, or practice Art. Most hoping for Ranma as Maker of Warrior."

"Servants." Nodoka frowned. "Could Ranma or his sons, under any circumstances, ever be considered _servants_ by your tribe?"

Shampoo looked shocked. _Her_ sons? Servants? "Ranma _slays the foreign god!_ Only great fool wishing die most very quickly trying to make son of Shampoo being servant mans! Shampoo heir of _Matriarch's Clan! _Ranma revered _prince_ of Amazons, never, never, never _servant!_"

Nodoka smiled at her. "You may feel free to pursue my son within the bounds that we have discussed as you see fit. I make no guarantee, Shampoo, but I can find no reason for objection to your suit."

The girl was long lived. Nodoka herself looked no older than twenty and had found no signs of aging at all since reaching adulthood. Unless she took the time to dress, carry and make herself up as an older woman, her old friends from school would invariably mistake her for her own daughter.

Shampoo was probably the best choice for Ranma, as she would evidently last for at least some noticeable span of Ranma's life.

Shampoo gasped in sheer relief. The Mother in Law had vast traditional authority in Amazon society. Her disapproval would have been a very serious blow.

There was a rapid knock at the door, startling them both.

"Oh! Now who could that be?" Nodoka leaned back and saw her neighbor waving at them through the window. "Oh, Miyuki! Do come in and meet Shampoo. Shampoo is a girlfriend of Ranma's, from China."

Shampoo blushed rosily and bowed politely.

"Pleased to meet you." Miyuki bowed quickly, bursting with the news. "Oh, come over quick, Nodoka! You too, miss um, Shampoo. Ranma is on the television!" Nodoka hated television and wouldn't have one in the house.

-

"_How_ many fiancées?" The Special Security Minister's eyes bulged as he read Ranma's sparse dossier.

The Police Commander in charge of Nerima prefect cleared his throat nervously. "Four serious claims, as far as we can make out. The rest have either given up on the lad or else never had a really solid claim to begin with. The Kuno girl- a real piece of work by all accounts, began in the latter category but has apparently purchased an engagement agreement for herself. A marriage contract has been drawn up and registered between the houses, apparently by Genma Saotome, the considerable income from which he has failed toreport to the tax authorities by the way. The agreement is clearly fraudulent but we have as yet received no complaint from the Kuno."

The Security Minister's mouth compressed into a thin line. The Kuno were VERY influential. They had a fortune that defied all attempts at enumeration as well as a veritable army of retainers. No politician in his right mind would cross the Kuno lightly. Only the Emperor could easily rein them in. "Commander, the national police are _not_ to trifle with _any of these people_ without a direct written order signed by the Prime Minister and countersigned by me. I repeat, _none_ of Saotome's associates are to be detained in any way. Is that thoroughly understood?"

"Yes, Security Minister." The Police Commander had long ago set that policy after some of his policewomen had tangled with Happosai. The old man was untouchable, so it was not smart for the police to lose face trying to bring him in.

"I'm briefing the Emergency Committee this afternoon. I'll want you and any of your people that you may need standing by to answer questions." The Minister flicked his eyes up from the report. "Any questions?"

"Where will the briefing be held, sir?" The Commander was sweating. The officers that really knew the Tendos were a crude lot, not exactly the type that you wanted to show off to the big bosses.

"The Imperial Palace. Clear your men with the Bureau of Protocol. Tennō heika himself may well sit in." The Security Minister picked up his phone. "Our meeting is concluded. Good day, Commander."

The Police Commander stood, sweating heavily. It was very serious career-wise when the Emperor took an interest in your work. As he left, he heard the Minister greet the heads of several large media companies, beginning his next meeting. Apparently there was a conference call.

-

The appointed time had come and Nabiki made her entrance to the Tendo porch with impeccable style, looking as if she addressed the nation's press corps every day. The press had taken up their ranks in the yard in front of the koi pond and dozens of lenses immediately swiveled to track her movements.

Nabiki managed a confident smile and a strong, clear voice. "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen of the press. I am Nabiki Tendo, spokeperson for the Tendo Dojo and I am here to answer your questions about my family school of martial arts, Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu, and its practitioners."

Nabiki hated doing it, but it had been necessary to knock out Genma and her father with spiked tea. Both were tied up in the broom closet. Nabiki wasn't about to let them blow this gigantic opportunity for her.

"Where is Ranma Saotome right now?" Cutie Michiko, NHK's hottest newsbabe, leaned forward avidly.

Nabiki took a breath. "I-

Every reporter's cell phone rang at once.

"-guess you have a call." Nabiki settled into a posture of waiting.

It was a short wait. There were a few furious arguments, but the majority immediately signaled their crews to break down the equipment. The rest soon followed suit.

"Where are you all going?" Nabiki was worried. What was going on? Wasn't she telegenic enough? It had taken her over an hour in front of the makeup mirror to get ready for this opportunity to become a celebrity.

"The story's being redlined by the networks, sweetheart." A rumpled old hand in a battered trenchcoat drew on the dog-end of a vile-smelling French cigarette and shrugged. "Seen it happen like this before. Someone big, has to be in the government, decided to shut it down."

"_No_ refunds." Nabiki had sent Kasumi to various banks to cash the checks before the news conference had started, waiting for her to call with confirmation to begin.

The man chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, we gathered that. It's all yours, kid, so have a ball."

"Well, I _still_ want to know where Ranma is." Cutie frowned at her crew, who had begun breaking down their equipment without waiting for her orders.

Nabiki shrugged, angry but still somewhat relieved. If the media circus was moving on then perhaps there wouldn't be too much of an increase in the endless onslaught of hyper-charged nutcases looking for Ranma. "I have no idea. Ranma moves faster than you can believe." After his harrowing day of being groped by Akane, importuned by Ukyo, haunted by Kodachi and hunted by Shampoo, Ranma was probably hiding.

"So do I." Cutie smiled wickedly and flounced away.

Nabiki sighed, hoping that Akane would grow up soon. Ranma was like a fortress under siege from all directions. Eventually he would have to fall to someone.

-

Ranma sighed with disgust as he crept across a narrow deer trail, careful not to leave a track. He had been jumping from tree to tree for the last twenty miles, but the ground was very rocky and trees were becoming somewhat scarce. Now he was jumping from rock to rock.

Coming to the sheer rise of the mountain, he searched until he found the narrow crack in the solid granite that he had noted the last time that he had passed this way, eight years ago. It would make a suitable and suitably hard to find shelter, once improved a little.

Ranma looked around, with approval. A sheer mountainside towered above him on one side, and a low bluff rose on the other, hiding him from prying eyes. A narrow box canyon spread out to the east, with little in the way of habitation in view. There was a lake and a shrine at the other end of the valley, but the priest had appeared to be quite elderly the last time that Ranma had glimpsed him. No one was likely to notice him.

The place was perfect. No one could approach without giving him plenty of time to hide. Ranma was really going to be roughing it this time. His tent, pack and outfit had all been destroyed on his last training trip, and things were too hot for him to try and buy anything or even go back home for a while.

Ranma swore at the injustice of it all. A guy gets into a little scrap with some stupid pocky machine and suddenly it's a great big hairy deal with _reporters_ showing up. It would never have happened in Nerima.

Getting out of the city for a while was the only thing that he could think of when the reporters had begun their siege. Reporters gave Ranma the creeps. They were like monsters themselves, empty creatures desperately trying to take a guy's story and twist it up into something that they could use. Their hollow, eager eyes had filled him with dread.

There was no need to dwell on it though. It would all blow over in a couple of weeks and he needed to train anyway. Extending a finger into the granite wall, he began visualizing the breaking points. He had read a scroll of Ryoga's and Pops had worked him over with a wrecking ball to gain the toughness. Now it was time to see how well the technique actually worked.

-

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR _HAIR?"_ Sailor Pluto, Setsuna Meou to the few that knew of her existence, almost fainted when she saw the princess.

Usagi almost fell over herself at the panicky shriek. "Nothing! It just got… restyled."

"What's the matter?" Rei frowned, not liking all the shrieking in the shrine. She had never seen Pluto show very much emotion.

"It… wasn't like that tomorrow in the gate." Pluto swallowed. The Time Gate wasn't tracking timeline 000. All of her laborious calculations had been rendered invalid and there was no way to tell how far back the chaos ran. The princess's hair was wrong. Nothing was entirely certain anymore.

"Just how close can that thing see?" There had been a few fairly ecchi scenes in her life and Usagi wasn't pleased to know that someone was watching close enough to notice her hair.

Rei narrowed her eyes. The gate! Maybe Pluto could help her find the troll. She had been having no luck at all with the fire spirits at the shrine. They instantly fled whenever she mentioned the troll's name, 'Happosai.'

Minako broke in, "Did you see our big fight with Ranma Saotome's harem girls?"

Ami almost fell when the sleepy little piggy that she was holding suddenly went into a frenzy of angry squealing and squirmed out of her arms.

"No." Pluto looked pole axed. She had seen nothing, no fight, no emergency, nothing. It was far worse than she had thought. Sometimes she missed small details when the temporal flux was too strong, but never anything like this. The very act of observing could cause complications though. Perhaps it was some kind of bubble?

"Harem girls in Japan? Who is this Saotome character?"

Usagi looked marginally less worried. Maybe Setsuna had missed the cucumber episode. "You mean that you don't know? We fought him twice and lost both times! Then we lost again against his crazy girlfriends!"

Setsuna swallowed. At least they were all alive. She had _never_ been taken off guard like this before. For the first time in ten centuries she had no idea what to do next.

"One said that she was his wife. The other two called themselves fiancées," Rei corrected, watching Ami's piggy desperately trying to find its way out of the corner. "Besides, it was a draw! We didn't lose!" Rei wanted a rematch. She wanted to shave Kodachi's head. With a spoon.

Makoto snorted. "Come on, Rei, we were getting creamed. The only thing that saved us was them going after that little freak that they called Happosai."

"I got Shampoo! They would have gone down if they stayed." Ami frowned at the pig's antics. She was still not at all sure about the animal. It seemed to be just a little too smart to be a normal pig. Her scan hadn't revealed anything new though. Piggy had the same type of magic field that had been detected on Ryoga, Ranma and Shampoo, but it was still a mystery. "She disappeared just like-"

"I never saw any of this!" Pluto was hyperventilating. "It's impossible!"

"What's the matter?" Usagi was filled with a new apprehension. Pluto never worried.

"There is chaos in the timestream! Chaos!" Setsuna lunged for her staff and vanished.

Rei sighed. "Here we go again."

-

"To summarize, our conventional forces aren't up to the task as currently organized. Without the rapid procurement of an effective non-physical infantry weapon and considerable training, we foresee only defeat and racial annihilation." The Deputy Defense Minister looked bleakly up from his notes. "Any questions, gentlemen?"

The Trade Minister swallowed. Only lately appointed, this was his first meeting with the Emergency Committee. Although briefed on the problem before, he hadn't realized that the situation was quite so dire. "Do these weapons exist?"

The Science Minister leapt in with excuses. "We have begun our research, but we lack test subjects. It is very difficult to design a weapon when the parameters of operation are theoretical at best. Our scientific and technical expertise is second to none, but-

"The Americans have a prototype man-portable coherent energy weapon that is reputed to be highly effective against all of the known 'class ones.' They also have an extensive body of research on the subject." The Intelligence Minister cleared his throat, not liking the potential for leaks in the room. "Their project, code named _Declare,_ was begun in 1947. They have been developing the methodology and the weaponry to destroy these things for a very long time. They have captured a number of these creatures over the years, holding them as test subjects in a very secret research facility in Nevada."

The Trade Minister, sweating with relief, noted the information. This was something that he could deal with. "We will purchase the weapon and gain full access to the research. _Declare _must be ours, gentlemen. Getting the weapons into immediate production is vital. Cost is no object when measured against the survival of the nation."

The Intelligence Minister cleared his throat. "Two thirds of the annual US defense budget has gone to _Declare_ every year since 1975. It will be very, very expensive. We may be able to obtain what we need by… other methods. "

"Excellent. They will be anxious to recoup some of their costs. Please, leave the matter in my hands. Espionage would only anger them and complicate matters." The Trade Minister gave a pitying look to his colleague. He would not only obtain full official access to Project_ Declare_, he would make an enormous profit on the deal.

The Defense Minister was outraged. "Why didn't they tell us? We have a mutual defense treaty!"

The Prime Minister finally spoke. "Who would have believed it? I certainly wouldn't have. Besides, we ourselves have understood the magnitude of this threat for over five years. How many allied powers have we informed? Why didn't _we_ tell _them?_ Our task here and now is to reach consensus on our near term course of action. Recriminations directed at absent parties serve no purpose."

"Very well. What of the class two entities in Tokyo? Can they buy us the time to obtain _Declare?" _The Interior Minister was very worried.

The Security Minister briefly smiled at the quick spread of departmental slang. A 'class one entity' was a supernatural threat. A 'class two entity' was what the boffins called a human or near-human that could deal with that threat. "Our 'class two entities' are certainly willing, but many are politically suspect, quite elderly or foreign nationals. Their participation seems to be on an ad-hoc basis."

"Can we use them?" The Defense Minister was very interested.

The Security Minister sighed. "Some. You gentlemen all saw the Saotome boy on television today, so I will use him as an example of the type of person that we need. Sadly, that level of training seems to invite the worst sort of personal disorder." He quickly briefed the Emergency Committee on the chaos and looming dishonor facing the boy at every turn.

The Emperor had as yet taken no part in the discussion, merely listening, but after hearing of some of the intractable problems faced by the young Saotome, he raised a finger.

The Ministers instantly fell silent.

Pensively, the Emperor spoke. "Gentlemen. If this young man is to become Our Trusty Servant, then he _must _be in a position to maintain his honor. Think of it if you will as a simple division of labor. Ranma-kun is very good at fighting supernatural creatures and that is the burden that the nation needs carried. Our ministers would be well advised to bend their efforts to find ways to lift these other time-consuming concerns from his shoulders. We would see these family schools encouraged, so that the nation is never without defenders."

The Justice Minister made several quick notes as a rumble of agreement swept the room.

In law, the Emperor was no longer considered a divine being. He had some constitutional powers and a good deal more political influence than some of his ancestors, but considerably less than his immediate predecessor. However, all claims of authority are predicated on the willingness of followers to obey. It genuinely never crossed the mind of anyone in the room to ignore evade or dispute the specifically stated wishes of the Son of Heaven.

-

Nodoka grimaced, looking at the clock. School was over, her son had not come home and she was Not Happy. A few reporters had nosed around the neighborhood for a time, but according to the neighbors all of them left soon after the television news had stopped playing the footage of Ranma.

Fretting, she began covering and setting out the hot dishes to cool. She would be eating the leftovers for a week if Ranma didn't come home.

"Three damn days." Nodoka looked at the calendar through a veil of tears. Ranma was never late for dinner. It was plain that he wasn't coming. He had been swept away by the chaos and she was on her own again.

Three days. She had managed to have a family for three days, this time. Her father, Jiro Hakubi, a policeman, had been killed by a Yakuza assassin when she was five years old. Her mother had disappeared from a locked room soon after. No trace had ever been found. Nodoka had been raised in a series of expensive boarding schools paid for by an inheritance and it had made her seem a bit… odd. She found it difficult to fit in with most people.

Genma had burst into her lonely life like a bombshell on her sixteenth birthday. The virile and roguishly handsome martial artist soon swept her off of her feet. The only thing that she had ever regretted about their marriage was his obsession with producing the ultimate martial artist and her subsequent abandonment in pursuit of that dream. Nodoka had consistently craved only one thing in her life and that was the continuous presence of people to love.

There was a knock and Nodoka's head came up, hope in her eyes. Walking quickly to the door, she swept it open.

"Oh." Nodoka slumped with grief. She had hoped…

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Hello, Aunty. I came over to tell you that Ranma-

"Ranma!" Nodoka pulled her inside. "What about Ranma?"

Nabiki put up with it, good naturedly kicking off her shoes and donning geta. "Ranma gave me a message to deliver to you, Aunty. He's going to lay low for two weeks and then see what's going on."

"What about school?" Nodoka was worried. She had arranged for Ranma to attend her old alma-mater, Todai. If he continued to miss so much school then his education could take years, delaying the production of her grandchildren. It was intolerable. Nodoka intended to live as the matriarch of a large family, one way or another.

Nabiki sighed. "Well, the bad news is that Ranma doesn't really have much of an education. The worse news is that he's not likely to get one at Furinkan. The _good _news is that he doesn't really need one to support himself. I got enough contract offers today to set him up as a TV star or a professional spokesman for life."

Nodoka grimaced. Publicity had killed her father. Focusing on the girl, Nodoka remembered herself. "Oh! I'm sorry, Nabiki. Have you had dinner? Please be my guest. I was just waiting for Ranma, and now… I guess that he's not going to come."

Nabiki had planned to eat out, but Nodoka looked so down that she relented. "Why thank you, Aunty. I-

There was a knock at the door.

Nodoka lunged for it, only to be disappointed again. "May I help you? Oh! Miss Kuonji. Was our appointment for today?"

Ukyo looked grim. "It was tomorrow, but I need to see Ranchan. Do you know where he went?"

Nabiki raised her eyebrows. How did Ukyo know that he wasn't home?

-

Ranma sat in front of his newly excavated cave, finishing the rice and wild-spinach dish that he'd boiled up in an improvised tin billy. The breaking point had been a snap. His ki senses had grown sophisticated enough to keep the explosions very small. The part of the rock wall that he targeted had turned neatly to gravel, with no big dramatic explosions. All he'd had to do was dig out his temporary home with a revised Hiryu Shoten Ha.

Scrubbing out his school bento with a handful of powdered rock, Ranma smothered the tiny fire and stood. The sun was still up and he felt very restless, so he began a soothing kata. Soon he had fallen into the flow of it and disassociated his mind.

Considering his own ki, the weakness of youma and the mysterious ways of Happosai, Ranma never noticed the spy.

-

On the mountain above, Ryoko watched with something like awe. The… creature moved with inhuman grace, every move a deathblow. Ryoko would have killed it immediately, but there was no one left at the shrine worthy of an assassin of this caliber's skill. So what was he doing?

Tenchi, his father and grandfather were attending a big Shinto ceremony in Osaka, so they couldn't be the targets. Ayeka and Kiyone had made a shopping run to Jurai. Just about everyone else had gone to various pursuits, except for her, Sasami and Washu. Ryoko didn't like getting hit with spirit wards, Sasami didn't like riding in the primitive trains and Washu was locked in her lab, totally focused on researching some odd temporal harmonics or something like that.

So who was he here for? Could he be here to kill her? She did have a number of enemies after all. Ryoko smirked. This could be fun.

"Oh, look! It's Ranma!" Sasami was behind her, peeking down the hill.

Ryoko almost fell down the slope. "Shhh! Ranma who?"

"He was on television. He's that martial artist that fought the youma in Tokyo." Sasami looked down the slope, wise beyond her apparent years. "I think that he's probably just hiding out here from the reporters."

"Oh?" Ryoko considered, disappointment marring her lovely features. There would be no attempt on her life after all. She certainly didn't want any reporters nosing around. "We should leave him alone then, I guess."

"We could invite him over for dinner when he's finished," Sasami pointed out. "He'll probably be pretty hungry after all of that."

Ranma halted his kata and began exuding hot and cold ki. The wind picked up and soon he was riding a tornado, keenly observing the ki pattern that the Hiryu Shoten Ha produced.

Ryoko watched, stunned. "Are you sure that this guy is a local?"

Sasami was entranced. "I don't really know anything about him. Just what was on the television."

-

Ranma analyzed the ki pattern created by the Hiryu Shoten Ha, at last understanding why it was called the 'dragon ascending.' The ki formed a perfect spectral dragon, of the western variety this time he noted, possibly because he was providing both the hot and cold ki sources. The ki dragon flapped its wings and furiously bugled its challenge to the sky.

On impulse, he let the tornado die away, closed his eyes and felt for his curse. The ki pattern that it held was quite familiar at this point, thoroughly explored and easily assumed. Holding the magical component steady, he re-arranged the curse–ki into the pattern of his spectral dragon and then triggered it with his pop-bottle canteen.

An instant later a bearded red-gold dragon about the size of a large elephant bugled triumphantly. Now this was a COOL curse. Ryoga would shit bricks when he found out! Wait till Pantyhose Tarou came after him again! And Happosai… the next time that Happosai splashed him for a quick grope…This was going to be _sweet!_

The deep grinding laughter of a dragon filled the canyon.

Horrified, Ryoko grabbed Sasami and fled.

-

Washu stood in front of the roaring maw of her prototype time portal and watched the flux intently. As she had surmised, there was a pattern. Not the complex, meaningless patterns of chaos, but a larger pattern, a pattern that was being imposed.

This was bad. Someone else had a portal. The slightest mistake with a device like this could destroy the entire sector. Maybe even the local galactic cluster. Someone was meddling. Someone had to be stopped.

Turning to grab a soda, she was bumped from behind by Mihoshi.

"Oops!" Mihoshi grabbed, but Washu slid through the portal and was gone in an instant.

"Oh, no!" Mihoshi stumbled back in horror, her shapely rear-end coming down on the panel of Washu's newest model teleporter.

Activating, the device scanned for its programmed target's akashik field, found it by scanning through the open maw of the time portal and then obediently materialized it on the pad.

"Who- who are you?" Washu collapsed on the floor. She was wearing different clothing.

Mihoshi began to panic, but a large robot arm immediately picked Washu up and placed her on a scanning bed. A helmet was placed on her head and something began to hum.

A deep mechanical voice spoke. "Auto-scan mode. Primary scan complete. Serious damage to temporal lobes detected. Memory loss estimated 97 percent. Commencing repairs."

"Will she be alright?" Mihoshi was worried. She had just popped in to see if Washu had any ice cream.

"Brain damage deemed repairable. Cellular decay regenerating. Estimated completion in four hours, three seconds. Copying data for defrag. Uploading latest memory backup."

"Oh." Mihoshi looked at the roaring maw of absolute negation and decided to go into town and just _buy_ some ice cream. Washu could become testy at times like this. She pushed open the lab door and almost walked into Ryoko.

"Where is Washu?" Ryoko was in a hurry.

Pointing vaguely back over her shoulder, Mihoshi let them into the lab.


	7. Chapter 7

"What's the matter, Ukyo?" Nabiki was wary of Ukyo. Unlike most of the girls after Ranma, Ukyo actually knew how to think things through.

Ukyo sighed, picking at her food. "I can't find Ranchan."

Nodoka was picking at her plate too. "Ranma does not wish to be found. He is hiding from all of this awful publicity."

Ukyo shook her head, fretting. "You don't understand. "_I can't find Ranchan_ and if he's alive then I should at least know which direction he's in!"

Nabiki narrowed her eyes. Ukyo had always been supremely good at locating Ranma. "How's that? Do you have some sort of tracer?"

"It's called a sympathetic compass." Ukyo wasn't happy about giving away clan secrets, even to non-martial artists, but then it wasn't really a martial arts trick. Nabiki wouldn't be able to use it and Nodoka was her soon-to-be mother in law, and presumably worthy of some small amount of trust. Shrugging, she fished the envelope out of a pocket. Opening it, she extracted a toothpick. "As long as he's alive and not across an ocean, it should point at him."

"Amazing!" Nodoka was by her side in an instant. "Can we try it?"

Ukyo poured water into an empty bowl. "You just put it in the water, hold the bowl and concentrate on Ranchan." Her voice shook slightly. It only worked for finding someone that you loved.

Nabiki was on Ukyo's other side, watching closely. "What's that wrapped on the toothpick?"

"Hair from his male and female form." Ukyo blushed. The hair was _not_ from Ranma's _head_ and getting it had been very embarrassing. "Blood would work too, but it washes off. It… _connects_ me to him, in either form."

"Let's try it." Nodoka was very impatient, dinner forgotten.

"Okay. But… don't tell Shampoo that I can do this." Ukyo frowned. Those skanky Amazons were almost as bad as Genma when it came to stealing techniques. Unfortunately, Shampoo could probably use the technique. Putting all such worries from her mind, she focused on the dish, concentrating on her love for Ranma and feeling the trace of Ranma's ki resonating with hers.

The toothpick jerked, spun furiously and then pointed authoritatively south, rock steady.

All three women gasped with relief and then gasped again as the toothpick trembled and swung free, drifting in a lazy circle.

"I can't understand it. It's like he's there, and then he's gone, just like it was when he switched forms." Ukyo concentrated, fretting, but it didn't work. "I didn't used to be able to find his girl form, but now I have hair from her too. It worked last week, so why not now?"

"I don't know, but we have one bearing. All we need is to go a known distance and get another and then we'll be able to triangulate him. Do you have an atlas and a ruler, Aunty?" Nabiki badly needed to find him. Ranma had papers to sign.

Ukyo sighed, leaning back. "Ranchan moves around too fast to track like that."

Nabiki scooted the bowl in front of her. "So you just concentrate on the target?" The toothpick twitched, then suddenly spun around. "Hey! That's really useful!"

Looking up, Nabiki stepped back. Ukyo was glaring murderously at her. "What did I do?"

-

"Washu?" Ryoko frowned anxiously. What the hell had happened? What was that horrible thing in the corner? Ryoko hated coming into her mother's lab.

Sasami shook her head, looking intently into the portal. "We can't have this."

Washu swallowed, ignoring the voices, her mind adrift in oceans of information. She was Washu Hakubi and had been for twenty thousand years. She was a scientific genius and she worked nights as a computer programmer for Tokyo General Hospital. Her life was one of great triumphs and terrible defeats, usually from trusting too freely. She lived at the Masaki shrine, watching over Tenchi and her grown daughter and she lived in her Osaka apartment with her much-loved husband and her darling baby girl.

Washu's eyes snapped wide open and filled with tears as her fragmentary memories of the last nine years in the timewarp were integrated. Jiro was dead. The yakusa that had conspired to kill him would soon be spending the rest of eternity squalling and writhing on the inside of a pain amplifier, but first things first.

Washu sat up. "Where is my baby?"

Ryoko blushed, relieved that Ayeka hadn't heard that one. "I'm not a baby anymore!"

"No, my _other_ baby!" Washu sat up, slid off of the table and almost fell, grabbing onto her daughter with a grip of steel. "Ryoko! Help me find your sister!"

"She is well." Sasami turned away from the portal to address them, a greater awareness in her eyes. "Be patient. The circle is finally closed."

Washu sobbed in relief, clutching Ryoko like a life-preserver.

Ryoko swallowed. "T- Tsunami?"

"No. We are… not Tsunami. Not yet." The gravity faded from that small face and soon all that was left was a confused looking Sasami.

Ryoko shook her head, shuddering slightly at the idea of such a possession. She turned her attention to Washu. "When did you make this one? Is she part Mausu, like me?"

Washu hugged tighter. "I got _married_, Ryoko. I actually found someone again to be a husband and father and now he's _dead_ and _oh_, how am I going to go on without my Jiro?"

Stunned, unable to understand, Ryoko awkwardly comforted her wailing mother, waiting for the information to flow. The fact that there was an actual and heretofore entirely mythical _dragon_ hanging around up in the hills behind the shrine slipped her mind.

-

"He's got to die. Soon." Setsuna stared balefully at the television, watching taped news footage of Ranma fighting the youma. It galled her that she was reduced to mere mechanical means to see him, but the time gate was useless. It had gone dark when she had tried to focus it on Ranma Saotome. Her only hope was that removing him from the time stream would revive the gate.

Haruka looked at her, puzzled. "He didn't really do anything all that bad to them and he's obviously not with the Dark Kingdom, so why are _you_ so down on-

"_He is a threat to everything that we have been working for!_ There is _no chance at all_ for the creation of Crystal Tokyo so long as that _obnoxious little bastard_ is alive!" Setsuna glared at the two outer senshi. "And if that's not good enough for you, then remember, if we lose Crystal Tokyo then we're signing the death warrant of the human race."

Setsuna ignored the fact that her 'solution' would result in the death of every single non-Japanese human being, as well as the vast majority of the Japanese. Like all such final solutions, it relied on the destruction of all outsiders for peace. Unlike the rest, it relied on mind control and immortal dictatorship to keep the survivors in line. The rest of the Senshi had yet to grasp the true scope of the plan, but Setsuna was conditioning them to rely upon her guidance. She had long since put all doubt from her mind. Her efforts had been bent toward making this future come to pass for so long that she was incapable of imagining any other favorable outcome.

"So that's it then." Michiru was matter of fact. Setsuna had the time gate and knew what had to be done. The outers prided themselves on their pragmatism.

"How do we find him?" Haruka was a little less willing to take anyone's word, but she would do her duty.

Setsuna removed a stack of files from her briefcase. "I have had dossiers prepared on most of Saotome's family members and known associates. We'll just have to shadow them the old fashioned way until they lead us to the target." Opening up the first dossier, she looked at a fifteen year old monochrome Tuscon PD mugshot of a scowling, scarred and bullet-headed Genma Saotome.

"Ewww. He's a tough looking customer. I can't spend all day following this creep around, Setsuna. I don't know the tricks. He would notice me." Haruka frowned. "Can we get some kind of help for this?"

"Yes, I have already hired a detective agency to do the legwork." Setsuna glared hatefully at the photo of the evil man that had spawned the chaotic abomination called Ranma. "We will move the _instant_ that they find him."

-

In the house across the street, two Japanese Public Security Agency men listened in on the conversation with great interest. They had never been sure of the identities of the sailor senshi before, but that had suddenly changed.

In spite of Herculean efforts from the police and other departments, tracking the girls down had been deemed impossible. Shotgun microphones had caught enough of their conversations during youma battles to worry the security departments, so every effort had been made. Something had changed recently, however. Some protection had come undone and normal intelligence and investigative means had at last located the senshi.

The outer senshi had been extensively bugged and the fact that they were awaiting the massacre of ninety nine hundredths of the nation's population in order to step in and rule the pitiful few that survived had soon been divined. Departmental interest was particularly piqued at a casual mention of the proposed usurpation of the Chrysanthemum Throne. The Imperial Family was to die in some sort of cataclysm and one of the 'inners,' a 'moon princess,' presumably the one called Sailor Moon, was to take the throne of Japan and rule over the desolation.

Setsuna's hired detectives were far more capable than she imagined and far less mercenary. In fact, they were all employees of the Public Security Agency.

-

Ukyo sat at one of her restaurant tables, concentrating, but there was nothing. The compass refused to budge. Yawning, she stretched and looked at the clock. It was already two thirty in the morning. She started as Kontsu seemed to materialize out of the darkness. "Oh, did I wake you? Sorry."

Konatsu's heart swelled with gratitude at this sign of care. "Of course not, Ukyo-samma. I was just making my rounds." Konatsu slept very lightly, his body and mind attuned to the ki of the house. Anything out of the ordinary woke him at once. He also woke to check on things, at least five times a night. It was his duty as Ukyo's kunochi.

"You should go to bed, Ukyo-samma. I am sure that Ranma-samma will reveal himself soon."

Ukyo yawned again and then stood, abandoning her efforts. "I suppose that you're right at that. I'll see you in the morning. G'night."

"Sleep well." Konatsu waited for her to ascend the stairs and then settled himself in his self-appointed vigil. He would stay up and see to it that Ukyo was not disturbed. She needed her sleep.

-

Shampoo smirked as she passed silently through the locked door. The lock was so simple that it might as well not be there. When Cream had finally dragged that Lupin fellow back to the village, the Amazons had learned much about circumventing security.

Standing just inside the door, she let her senses acclimatize to the restaurant. There was no sound, save for the faint hum of an electric clock on the wall. Moving with ghostly precision, Shampoo's black-clad form flowed toward the stairs, already unlacing the small bag containing the Formula 110. Ukyo would be forgetting all about Ranma, and if the post hypnotic suggestion had any power she would find herself attracted to Tatewaki Kuno.

Konatsu popped up and blew a palm-full of Kodachi's finest instant paralysis powder into the intruder's face. He had traded some of Ukyo-samma's number seven flash powder to Sasuki for it down at the Ninja Market.

Shampoo was utterly taken by surprise when the crimson clad figure seemed to materialize out of the darkness. She started to throw herself sideways, but it was already too late.

Holding Shampoo-samma so that she could not fall and injure herself, Konatsu held his breath, listening intently, waiting for the powder to clear.

Shampoo couldn't move a muscle. She tried to scream, but all that came out was a slight, breathy moan.

Ukyo-samma had not been disturbed. Sighing with relief, Konatsu carried Shampoo's frozen form to the small store-room cubby that he slept in. Shampoo was obviously in need of his attention.

-

The alarm went off and Ukyo sat up groggily. Another day of school at hand and another bitter day without her beloved Ranchan. Slipping out of bed, she vowed to herself that she would find him soon.

Down in the restaurant, Shampoo heard the alarm and sat her tea down. "Shampoo leave now that Spatula Girl awake. Airen not liking if Spatula Girl hurt."

Konatsu bobbed his head in a noncommittal bow. He had his doubts about Shampoo's ability to win that match. Ukyo-samma had her own family school, a solid grounding in the Saotome school due to early training with Ranma and now a good many of Konatsu's kunochi tricks to call upon.

"Saotome-samma is truly the finest of men. He never likes to see anyone harmed, even his enemies. I have seen him take painful wounds in order to avoid inflicting them." Konatsu was a great ninja. He knew that few of the local martial artists could survive if he took them by surprise with intent. Ranma however, he had to place in the category of Happosai or Cologne in terms of reaction time. He doubted if he would last long against any of them, even attacking ninja fashion.

Shampoo hesitated, wanting to continue this discussion of her favorite subject. Hearing the shower go on, she made her pitch. "Come with Shampoo? Tribe not care that Konatsu is lover of mens. Many such in village, no one harms or shames. Shampoo happy to see fine ninja hairdresser in village!"

She had been terrified that she would be despoiled and killed while helpless when he had first carried her to his small cell. Instead, Konatsu had treated her like an empress. Sitting Shampoo in a comfortable chair in front of a tri-fold makeup mirror, he had spent the whole morning chattily exfoliating, manicuring, pedicuring, trimming her hair and showing her exactly which makeup plans worked the best for her unusual hair and eyes. His skill was immense and his taste was nothing short of exquisite.

By the time that the powders had worn off Shampoo had really been getting in to the makeover. It had never once occurred to her to try and continue the fight. His exposition on mixing custom poison nail polishes had been brilliant and quite riveting.

Konatsu bowed again. "I must regretfully decline the honor, Shampoo-samma. My loyalty must ever belong to Ukyo-samma for rescuing me."

"Is much shame Shampoo no finding too, too good kunochi first." Shampoo stood, leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He would become a great favorite in the village if she could get him to come and open a shop. "Not to forget! If Konatsu ever is needing place, must come to Shampoo at once!"

"I shall certainly keep your kind offer in mind, Shampoo-samma." Hearing the mistress finishing her morning ablutions, he ushered Shampoo out with characteristic politeness.

-

"Good morning!"

Ranma's head whipped up and knocked into the cave roof, so badly was he taken by surprise. "Ow! Jeez!" He blinked the stars from his vision. A little girl stood outside his cave, beaming in at him.

"Heh. Good morning."

"Are you going to stay like that today?" Sasami cocked her head cutely, marveling. The dragon was very pretty, with sharply defined golden scales.

"Like what? Oh." Ranma, newly woken, was badly off balance. Why was this little girl here, talking to him? Most little girls would have the sense to run away from a dragon. How did she know that it was a cursed form? "I guess not."

Sasami gave a reassuring smile. He seemed to be a little bit nervous. "If you want, you can come down to the house and have some breakfast with us. We're all curious about you, Ranma."

"How do you know who I am?" he asked, suspiciously. Was there a new fiancée lurking around?

"You were on television yesterday." Sasami increased the wattage of her smile. "Don't you worry, Ranma, no here will tell anyone about you."

"Well…" Ranma's stomach growled. "I guess that I could do with something to eat. Say, what's your name?"

"I am Sasami." She bowed, politely.

Ranma bobbed his scaly head in return. "Good ta' meet ya, Sasami. I suppose that I could change back- Hey! How do you know that I'm not just some dragon?"

Sasami giggled. "We saw you change, silly."

Ranma considered this, wondering who else knew about him. "I can only change back to my cursed form unless you want to wait until I can heat up some water." He didn't have any firewood left, or matches.

"Cursed form?" Sasami frowned.

-

"Hohohohohoho!" Kodachi happily snapped her gas mask shut and looked at herself in the mirror. She could make anything look good.

She wore a tightly woven green bodysuit, tight enough to show off her excellent assets, but highly resistant to all chemical attacks according to the company that made the material for the US military. The inner lining contained a network of capillary tubing that distributed body heat to a shiny patch that ran down the legs and acted as a radiator. The whole system worked through body motion.

Her head was covered by a hood and gas mask assembly that sealed tightly at the neck. To top it all off she wore a short green pelisse with embroidered black roses, a useless but very stylish accouterment that she had demanded be added to the ensemble.

Striding powerfully to her greenhouse, she passed through the airlock. The greenhouse, sealed and warded as a class-one biological containment facility, was one of only three such facilities in all of Japan. Some of her plant experiments were quite novel and possibly very dangerous.

Kodachi was a thoughtful person, ever mindful of her duty to the nation. The interior was rigged with cunningly placed air-fuel and thermite charges that would destroy every living thing within should the perimeter be breached. Some of the finest high explosive artists in the world had been employed in the building's construction.

Smiling, she unlocked a cabinet and removed a shocking pink plastic-hulled gas grenade. Unscrewing the base, she carefully fitted a cartridge into the bottom. Opening the top, she placed a plastic ampoule packed with a sparkling green powder into the payload compartment.

The powder was an extract from the chameleon plant, a plant discovered by and known only to Kodachi. The chameleon plant took on the appearance and chemical signature of nearby plants to mimic their biochemical signals and more easily invade their area. The commercial possibilities were mind numbing, but Kodachi had little interest in marketing. She would leave that aspect to the Kuno retainers when she had time to deal with them.

Kodachi had cross bred the plant with a venomous plant of the same species, but missing its venom gene, and then selectively bred a thousand generations of the hybrids to enhance the mimicking characteristic.

Growing them in a pot containing a ground up Amazon 'permanent' love-pill had produced a hardy first-generation plant with a venomous sap that acted as mild, short-lived aphrodisiac. The hundredth generation plants had emulated the pill and then each other until they were quite potent. Kodachi had quite enjoyed testing the plant on various squabbling married couples. Eventually she would have to breed the characteristic into a black rose.

Her thousandth-generation hybrids would soon mutate in the wild and the mere touch of the plant was not especially potent. However, the distilled plant venom showed every indication of being every bit as powerful as the original pill.

Kodachi had experimented, binding the extracted plant venom to a crystalline polysaccharide and dimethyl sulfoxide matrix that would give good coverage, carry the venom, stick to the victim's skin and dissolve very quickly on contact, delivering its payload into the bloodstream in under a second. Fortunately the active ingredient decayed in less than a minute when expose to oxygen, so collateral damage was unlikely.

Smiling, Kodachi clipped the fully primed love grenade onto her utility belt and then prepared a second. She had considered using the powder on Ranma many times, but such an act would certainly cheapen the magnitude of her victory. However, should certain noxious rivals suddenly and in all fairness find other romantic interests to distract them, the victory would lose none of its glory.

-

Ryoga shifted uncomfortably and sighed. It was déjà vu all over again. He was in bed with Ami Munzo, her arms clamped tightly around him, her breath warm on his back. It would be heavenly if he was a man.

Ryoga sighed heavily. He was in love again. Just as he had known she would, Ami had proven herself to be a wonderfully kind and thoughtful girl.

She was a real beautiful angel, nothing like that wimpy winged coward that had tried to blast him with silver lightning bolts the time that he'd inadvertently let off a Shi-Shi Hoko Dan at a big shiny brass gate.

The guy changed his mind quick after Ryoga had gotten his hands on him, claiming to be an angel and that the gate was a back entrance to heaven. Ryoga had booted the liar right over the wall.

He had known for a fact that he was in Cleveland. He suspected that the brass gate was actually the front gate to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Ami talked incessantly to the pig, telling it her hopes, dreams and life story. Ryoga had reacted predictably, becoming a fierce partisan of the girl.

Ami's hands were very gentle and he was desperately worried about her. She had gotten herself tangled up with magic and Ryoga knew from hard experience just how steep the price of that kind of power could be. It sounded like she had been taken in by some scamming magician.

He would have left her to her own devices after hearing the whole 'Crystal Tokyo' scenario, but she truly believed that she was doing good. Ryoga had to help her see the trouble that she was getting into. Doing the right thing and helping people was very important to Ami Mizuno. In that fashion she was very like Ryoga Hibiki.

-

Ryoko woke to the delightful smell of breakfast cooking. Floating down from the roof beam that she liked to sleep on, she poked her head into the kitchen. "Sassami, I'm going to go check on Washu and then… Hey, who are you?"

A red-headed girl stood in the kitchen, wearing an apron and looking quite embarrassed.

"Um, Hi. Sasami invited me for breakfast an' then went off somewhere to get some fresh chives." The redhead gestured at the stove with a small spatula. "I'm just kinda keepin' things from gettin' burned."

"Ah. Well, keep up the good work. So, what's your name?" Ryoko was glad that Tenchi wasn't around. The girl was really hot.

Ranma sighed. She had been splashed only seconds before. Thankfully for the kitchen, the curse had returned to its default form when he had changed from the dragon to his male body.

"Ranma Saotome."

At Ryoko's double-take, she mumbled, "Sorry about this."

-

Washu emerged from her lab, moving slowly. She had spent the night in a time accelerator, reintegrating herself and testing her memory. The update had been recent, so she had only lost about three weeks and her lab monitors had been able to fill in virtually all of that time. Dealing with the memories gained during her nine years of amnesia had been the problem. She had lost some of them during the teleport out and the memories left to her were somewhat jumbled. She remembered Jiro and Nodoka, but nothing at all about Jiro's family.

Sitting down and slumping dejectedly at the table, Washu noted the presence of a stranger, but was too involved in her own problems to be interested. She responded to Ryoko's attempts at conversation in dismissive monosyllables, intending to eat quickly and then go outside to think while her computer searched Earth's skimpy database for any sign of her daughter.

As Washu ate her breakfast, the table conversation began to intrude on her solitude. Without meaning to, she started listening.

"So when you turn yourself into a dragon, are you a girl dragon?" Sasami was very interested.

"Unless it's my cursed form I can make it so's I turn into anything I want an' I always want to be a guy." Ranma noted that the quiet girl was starting to pay attention.

Sasami was deep in thought. "How can you tell what sex a dragon is?"

Ryoko answered quickly. "The dragon had a beard. So… could you use your chi to turn your cursed form into a guy? Into you?" Ryoko was fascinated.

Ranma frowned. "Huh. Yeah, probably. But why?"

"Well, that way you wouldn't have to turn into a girl whenever you got wet." Ryoko smirked at his density. "Unless you like it that way but hey, whatever floats your boat."

"I'm a guy!" Ranma's eyes widened in belated understanding. "That just might… Hey, thanks!"

Washu was staring openly at him now. Suddenly, as quickly as a striking snake, she threw water on him.

"Hey!" Ranma looked down at her dripping shirt in dismay. "I don't have another shirt!"

"Oh, now this is _interesting."_ Washu smiled brightly at her. An unknown alien shape shifter was just the thing to distract her from her worries! "Ranma… Why don't you come down and take a little tour of my lab?"

Ranma's eyes widened as her danger-sense spiked. "Ain't… ain't you a little young ta have a lab?"

"There's no need to be coy." Washu suddenly grew.

"How did you grow up like that without sucking out someone's battle aura?" Ranma was baffled.

"Battle aura? Wow, that sounds really dirty." Washu was intrigued by the creature. "Relax, Ranma, we're all aliens here. There's no need to hide from us."

Ranma clenched her teeth, scanning the faces around the table. Ryoko was about to die from holding in her laughter. Sasami looked horribly embarrassed.

"Um, aliens?" Their chi was really weird. Ranma had never really thought about aliens before. Mostly she dealt with monsters, ghosts, spirits, dragons, demons, kami, Ryoga, Tarou, Cologne, Haposai, and hostile oni of various breeds. There had been that old movie that she'd seen…

"You got it." Ryoko was enjoying the moment immensely.

Washu was vastly amused by the play of emotions across the boy/girl's expressive face.

"You mean like… from outer space?" Ranma swallowed.

"Well, at least you didn't ask us if we were from Mars." Ryoko smiled in a way that was the exact opposite from reassuringly.

It was too weird. Ranma racked her brains and came up with an old Saotome school dodge. "Look, there on the floor! It's fifty yen!"

In spite of themselves, they all looked. When they looked back, there was no sign of Ranma at all, save for a wobbling empty plate.

"I didn't know that humans could teleport!" Ryoko was amazed.

"Ranma isn't like the other humans." Sasami, was a bit upset by his reaction.

"It was calling itself human?" Washu was intrigued enough to take time away from her worrying. "Well, we'll find out what it really was soon enough!" She reached over the salt and picked up a bright red hair. "Got a sample right here."

Ryoko wondered if he had gone back to the cave. She could teleport and catch him before he left. A few judicious threats ought to be enough to shut him up. "Are you sure that it isn't one of yours? You have the same color hair."


	8. Chapter 8

Ranma, nicely warmed up from the run, stopped at her cave to retrieve her blanket and make herself a quick fire. She could change and head north, maybe go to Rugenzawa for a while. Not many people could find it and it was pretty certain not to have aliens. Most aliens would probably be eaten pretty quickly.

Gathering some dry small branches, she prepared bark shavings and moss for kindling. Making a small container out of a large leaf, she poured a little water from her makeshift pop-bottle canteen. Picking up two sticks, she began rubbing furiously.

Ryoko silently phased through the hillside until her head was sticking out of the ceiling of Ranma's dugout. Smirking, she up-ended a cup of hot water on the red-haired girl.

"Gah!" Ranma, taken by surprise leapt for it, blowing out a huge chunk of the hillside, spinning around on guard and glowing like a star.

Ryoko floated out of the ruined cliff face, smirking. "Sorry, Ranma. I thought that you said that you wanted to be a guy."

Ranma scowled. How come every jerk-face god, demon, alien and weirdo that he met could fly and he still couldn't? He needed to focus more. "How did you sneak past me like that?"

That was one hell of a technique she had. Even the umisenken wasn't that good.

Ryoka smiled, then stepped into and passed through a huge chunk of granite. "I came through the roof. I can phase through matter."

Ranma swallowed, eyes huge. "H- How can you do that?" Happosai's Dimensional Cloak might be made to work that way, in theory at least, but Ranma barely had enough ki to manage the basic technique for more than a few minutes. No one had ki like Happosai, and not even Happosai could possibly have enough ki to walk through a solid object.

Ranma frowned. Maybe it wasn't even ki. He hadn't felt a thing from the girl.

Ryoko shrugged. "I am the most wanted class A galactic criminal Ryoko, Tiger. You can't expect me to be as easy as the earth girls."

Ranma rubbed at his temples. "I'm gettin' a headache from all this stuff. I've already gotta fight devils, oni, gods and Ryoga. Now you guys show up? I mean… what the hell is next?"

Ryoko was intrigued at this vivid glimpse into Ranma's life. "World-picture growing too fast? Tell ya what, sport, calm down and I'll buy you some lunch. We can talk a bit. I'll tell you about what's out there in space and you can tell me about the more exotic fauna down here on earth." Obviously she had missed a lot.

"Fauna?" Ranma blinked, clueless.

Ryoko rolled her eyes at the human boy's ignorance. "Critters. You know, devils, oni, gods and Ryoga."

"Well… okay. But I ain't goin' anywhere near that red headed girl." Ranma's danger sense was telling him that the little alien chi-vampire was damn dangerous. Ranma had decided to quit ignoring it.

Ryoko nodded, conceding the point. "Well then, let's go to town and get some ice cream!"

It was a fabulous idea, but Ranma shook his head. "Nah, I gotta hide." The press, his rivals and the fiancées would be on him like a pack of wolves if he showed himself.

"I know the perfect disguise!" Grinning, Ryoko splashed him with the water that he'd planned to heat up.

-

Ryoga peered down the hall, listening carefully. Ami was at school and her mother was at work so he was alone.

After about an hour of effort, he found the furo. Turning the wash sprayer on was difficult, but Ryoga had a great deal of practice manipulating valves as a pig. He soon found himself human again.

Unfortunately he was a naked human. Reluctantly, Ryoga wrapped a towel around himself and shuddered. The last time he had set out dressed in a towel he had opened a door and stepped directly into Buckingham Palace.

The Queen had not been amused.

Swallowing, he followed the wall out of the room, turned the corner and stopped, totally dumfounded. "Kasumi! What are you doing in Ami's house?"

"Oh! Ryoga-kun! How did you get into our utility closet?" Kasumi smiled, carefully masking her appreciation. She was a healthy woman and Ryoga's starkly chiseled physique was even more developed than the last time that he had stepped out of the utility closet dressed in a towel. Fascinated, she noted that his entire body was deeply tanned.

"Eh, heh heh. Isn't this Minato ku?" Ryoga swallowed a billow of rage, knowing that the world had just screwed with him again.

"Welcome, Ryoga-kun. You are in the Tendo Dojo. Why don't you go and take a relaxing soak in the furo while I put your clothes in the changing room?" Kasumi bowed a cheerful welcome to him. Akane had brought Ryoga's pack, outfit and umbrella home on a cart after finding them by the canal. He had several complete outfits waiting in the Tendo laundry room, washed, pressed and neatly darned.

Ryoga sighed, returning the bow. Ordinarily he was too proud to ask for help, but this was _Kasumi. _Ordinary rules didn't really apply to Kasumi. She was too nice for them. "Thank you, Kasumi-san. Could you… lead me there?" Kami only knew where he would end up on his own.

"Of course." Smiling, Kasumi took him by the hand.

-

"I'm home!" Nabiki looked around at the silent house. Her father was at a city council meeting, performing his primary function of looking respectable and wise while never allowing himself to be trapped into making a decision. Her sister had gone to speak with Aunty Nodoka, and Kasumi was… stepping out of the kitchen with a glass and an open sake bottle.

Nabiki blinked. Kasumi's hair was standing almost straight up. "Is something the matter?"

Kasumi poured a little sake, took a sip and coughed. "I… showed Ryoga-kun to the furo."

Nabiki's eyes widened sudden fury. "Did he_ do_ something to you? I'll tell Jiji and see him _dead!"_

"No! Nothing like that. In fact Ryoga was the perfect gentleman." Kasumi swallowed. "It's just that… we passed through the ruins of an ancient Egyptian temple on the way to the furo. Luxor, I believe."

Nabiki shuddered. "Kasumi, never _ever_ go anywhere _with_ Ryoga. Make him follow you. And whatever you do, _don't _try to follow _him."_ Nabiki winced at the memory of almost being stranded in Butte Montana. Fortunately, he had turned a corner and they had reemerged in Osaka. Nabiki had taken a train home and never dared to follow Ryoga again.

"But… how can he _do_ that?" Kasumi's shock was fading into regret that she hadn't brought a camera. The temple carvings had been fascinating. "Its impossible! We crossed thousand of miles, _half of the world_ with a step!"

Nabiki shrugged. "How can any of them do it? Forget logic, Kasumi. Ryoga has probably been to Mars, Ranma is teaching himself how to fly by sheer willpower and Shampoo can ride a bicycle straight up a telephone pole and across the wires without slowing down. Daddy can make a demon head that can bite a garbage truck in half, Uncle Genma can disappear into thin air and don't even get me started on Jiji. My personal theory is that they're all just too delusional to know that what they do is impossible."

Kasumi looked thoughtful and then blinked. "Oh my! I forgot to bring Ryoga-kun his clothes! He's waiting. I had better go and get them." She did not look at all eager to be about it.

Nabiki halted her sister. "I can do that, Kasumi. You just sit down here and recover a bit."

"Thank you, Nabiki." Kasumi poured another small drink, capped the bottle and smiled gratefully at her sister. "Well then, Kampai!" She drank the glass dry.

-

"Got you!" Rei grabbed the thin boy by the back of his shirt.

"Ahhhh!" Gosunkugi, taken utterly by surprise, made warding signs as he desperately tried to twist free of the insane harpy.

"Oh, _do_ shut up!" Rei took one hand off of her victim and fished out an extra-potent ward that her grandfather had drawn. Unlike the general purpose wards that she usually carried, this particular ward was optimized for driving out possessing oni.

"What the-

Gosunkugi saw the ward and began squirming frantically out of her grasp. "No! Don't put any magic on me! It could all go unstable!"

"So, you ARE possessed! I knew it!" Rei kicked his feet out from under him and landed on him, straddling his back. "Hold still! This will _really_ hurt a lot, so suck it in and try to take it like a man!"

"Kami sama!" Gosunkugi screamed, "Why does this weird girl keep attacking me? What the _hell _did I ever do to _you?"_

"Hold still! It's for your own good!" Rei yanked his shirt over his head, exposing his back. An ofuda worked best when applied directly to the skin.

"That's what they tell the dog just before they cut off his nuts!" Gosunkugi began to eel determinedly out of her grasp.

"Ewww! Hold still and quit being so gross!" Rei got him in a tight scissors hold with her legs as she unfolded the ofuda. "I'll get that oni out of you!"

"There isn't any oni in me you stupid wench! I'm a voodoo bocour! You might cut my connection with the loa with that ward!" Gosunkugi increased his struggles mightily, briefly managing to buck her off.

"Did you just call me a wench?" Rei's voice was suspiciously mild as she slapped him in the head with the rolled up ofuda five or six times.

"No! I called you a STUPID wench! Now let me go before you piss off the loa!" Gosunkugi managed to duck and twist so that the glowing magical scroll slid off each time.

"Loa? So you deliberately let yourself be infected by a supernatural entity?" Rei's eyes narrowed and she rabbit punched him in the pancreas, driving him gagging into the ground.

"You ARE evil!"

"Gah! It's my RELIGION!" A wheezing Gosunkugi tried to scrabble away, but her legs locked around him again like a boa constrictor. He was driven face-first into the pavement as she mounted him like a horse.

"Well I'm just gonna have to _change_ your evil religion then!" Rei, acting in her capacity of a temple miko, was furious, sensing the vague presence of a supernatural foe.

"Well! This is simply_ too_ delicious for words."

Rei froze, suddenly aware of the extremely provocative position that she was in. Looking up, she quailed and then recovered. After all, Kodachi couldn't know her civilian identity. "W-Who's that? Do I know you?"

"Oh, _shit_." Gosunkugi winced. He was having yet another wonderful day in Nerima.

Kodachi smirked down at them from the top of a nearby fence. "Have you already forgotten the drubbing that you received from the Black Rose, Sailor Slut?" Kodachi paused, savoring the girl's thunderstruck expression while surreptitiously pulling the pin on one of the gas grenades. "I think that I shall have to take the time to give all of you harlots ample reason to remember my name. Do be a good little harlot and remind the rest of the simpletons that Ranma is mine."

"I can just tell that this is gonna suck." Gosunkugi, unable to run, squeezed his eyes closed and raised every defensive charm that he knew. Kodachi was hot, but she terrified him beyond all capacity for rational thought.

"HOHOHOHO! Be sure to invite me to the wedding!" Kodachi threw the grenade and jumped away, laughing.

-

Ranma slurped down the last of the enormous mound of ice cream that she had scammed, sighing. "Man, I really love ice cream."

Ryoko laughed, almost done herself. "Is that why you're so adept at getting it?"

Ranma was unembarrassed. "Anything Goes."

"I suppose that it doesn't really matter how you get it, so long as you got it." Ryoko hurriedly finished hers off, knowing that Ranma would soon be after a bite. "So, this guy Saffron was really a god?"

Ranma shrugged. "Dunno. He could fly, he came back to life as a baby after I tore him to little bitty pieces and his people worshiped him as a god. I don't know what else to call him." He wasn't proud of what he'd had to do to Saffron. It was a terrible thing for a man to have to kill, kami or not, no matter how justified the cause.

"Flying doesn't mean that you're a god. I can fly too and I don't go around calling myself a god, even though I could probably get away with it around here." Ryoko smirked. Ranma had expounded on her aerial ambitions on the way to the ice cream parlor, looking for tips.

Ranma scowled, enviously. She needed to ditch all of these women and _train_. There was never any time. "I kind of hope that he _wasn't_ a god. The kami should be better than that, or at least a little smarter than me." It was worrisome to imagine stupid gods.

Meeting Ranma's eyes, Ryoko nodded. "They are. I have met _true _kami, Ranma. I don't think that she could even be physically touched unless she let you."

Ranma felt vaguely depressed over this information. "The way things are goin' lately I'll probably find out for sure real soon."

"So who is this Ryoga guy?" Ryoko was curious about a name that Ranma had placed into such a rarified category.

Ranma smiled in spite of herself. "He's a good rival of mine. We fight all the time and he's always coming up with new stuff. Sometimes we even help each other out."

"A friend?" Ryoko looked over Ranma's shoulder at the powerful looking boy gawking stupidly at them through the window. He had a yellow bandanna and visible fangs.

Ranma laughed. "Yeah, I suppose so, but don't tell him I said so. He gets lost all the time and it really pisses him off. He likes to blame everything on me because I can take it. It's great, sparring with him." Taking a drink of water, Ranma wondered where the good old lost boy was now.

"Ranma! You cad! Is this another one of your fiancées?" Ryoga congratulated himself on making it through the glass door.

Ranma choked.

"Fiancées?" Ryoko raised an eyebrow interrogatively. Tenchi had claimed that Terrans didn't usually go in for polygamy.

Ranma finished clearing her lungs, spun around and then laughed. "Hey ya, P-Chan. This is Ryoko. She's an alien from outer space, so Pops probably hasn't engaged us yet. We were just talkin' about you." She nodded at the fanged boy. "Royoko, this is Royoga Hibiki."

"Hiya, Ryoga." Ryoko gave him a smile and motioned for him to sit down.

"Er, hello." Ryoga took in her exotic looks and frowned, his usual bashfulness temporarily forgotten. "Are you sure, Ranma?" he asked, doubtfully. "She's pretty enough to be a fiancée." All of Ranma's serious girls were exotic stunners.

"Ranma, I think that I like this guy." Ryoko smiled demurely at the rugged looking boy. She didn't get enough complements like that and she could tell that it wasn't empty flattery. He was too… unsophisticated for that.

Ryoga realized what he'd said and blushed beet red. "Uh- Uh… Um, thanks." He sat, gingerly.

"It's a long story, Ryoko." Ranma frowned. "An' if Pops _has_ been sellin' me off to space aliens then I'm gonna go get the locking ladle from Herb before I let Nabiki auction him off to the zoos again this time."

Ryoko smiled. Ranma's life was _interesting._

Ryoga frowned at a memory. "You know, I met some perverted little grey guys once that said they were aliens. They promised to leave and to never come back if I let them go."

"Those guys have been here?" Ryoko would have to tell the Emperor that the little shits had broken the quarantine.

Ranma scowled. "Hey! You knew about aliens bein' around and you never told me?"

"Eh. They aren't so bad." Ryoga ran into strange things all the time. The last time that he'd seen an alien there had also been a giant ringed planet in the sky. He didn't really want to think about it.

"I've been hangin' around that dojo way too long." Ranma was getting upset. She needed to move around to really train. Not that Ryoga could ever catch up, but still, this whole alien thing was quite the surprise.

"Ranma, Ryoga, ixnay on the alien talk." Ryoko was smiling delightedly at the two. Maybe Earth wasn't such a boring little ball of muck after all! "It's kind of a secret that I'm here."

Both of them nodded. They knew about keeping secrets.

"So, are you two gonna fight?" Ryoko hoped so, after the enthusiastic buildup that Ranma had given the Lost Boy.

Ranma shrugged. "Dunno. I wouldn't mind a spar but I got no beef with him right now."

Ryoga frowned. "Maybe later, after he finds some hot water." Ryoga couldn't work up any enthusiasm about hitting girls, even if the girl in question happened to be Ranma's cursed form. Ranma's unbearably cute cursed form.

Completely oblivious to any sexual context, Ranma gave him a sardonically mocking grin. Unbeknownst to Ranma, her cocky attitude came through her female body language as teasing and horribly sexy. "Come and get it any time you want it, P-Chan."

Ryoga swallowed and looked away from her. Ranma had absolutely no idea of how beautiful his cursed form could look. Ever since the koi rod incident, Ranma's girl side worried Ryoga on a deep level. He had briefly considered suicide after one particularly intense and detailed wet dream.

"I need to find my way back to Ami-chan." Ryoga's tones were sullen.

Ryoko, absolutely sensitive to Ryoga's predicament, just managed to hold back her laughter. This beat Japanese soap operas any day.

"Ami-chan?" Ranma's mouth dropped open with surprise. Ryoga rarely managed much more than embarrassed stutters when he tried to talk to girls. "Got yerself a fiancée of your own now, P-chan?"

Ryoga suddenly glared at Ranma. "You should be ashamed of yourself! those violent fiancées of yours attacked Ami and her friends! Kodachi threw one of them right through a brick wall! They wrecked half of the town!" Actually, Ryoga had rather enjoyed hearing that part of the story. He didn't like Rei very much.

Ranma frowned. "Hey! Don't blame _me,_ Ryoga. You know as well as I do that those girls never listen to one single word I say!"

Ryoko was fascinated. This guy was a lot like Tenchi.

Ryoga blinked. Ranma was right. "Yeah, but couldn't you… I don't know, distract them or something?"

"Ha! The only way I could really get their attention would start world wars three four and five, right then and there." Ranma's frown deepened as she recalled the horrendous destruction in Minato-ku. No slow, stupid youma could be responsible for that level of property damage. She froze, stricken with an awful suspicion. There were two groups that she knew of that could and would accidentally trash a town.

"The Henti chicks!" Ranma swallowed, her face twisting into a rictus of horror. "This Ami chick and her friends are them! It's all happening again! The Nerima fiancée's must have rumbled with them… I knew it! The only reason that the girls would do something like that would be if the Hentai Chicks are another squad of fiancées after all!"

"You miserable playboy! Don't you dare tell me that you're after Ami too! I'll break you in half!" Ryoga's neck swelled with rage. Would he never find a nice girl that had no freaky pig fetish or engagement to Ranma?

"What! IT AIN'T MY FAULT!" Ranma hung her head, struck by sudden depression over the utter futility of her denials. "Well here we go again. Thank you ever so much, Oyaji." she mournfully intoned.

The shop clerk, who had been washing tables and trying to get a closer look at Ryoko and Ranma's magnificent assets, slipped and dropped his squirt bottle of watery cleaning solution. The top came off as it bounced, splashing Ryoga, who instantly turned into a pig.

Ranma jumped to her feet, seeing her cue to exit. She had been lingering in one spot way too long. The whole flying circus could converge on her any second.

"Damn that Panda anyway! See ya, P-chan, Ryoko." Ranma-chan vanished like a ghost.

"Wow. You earth guys are really weird." Ryoko smiled at the angry pork ball sitting across from her. "P-chan, I know someone who just might be able to take that curse off of you."

The pig froze, staring at her with unwavering concentration.

Ryoko smiled, wagging a finger mischievously. "But it could be _really_ scary!"

-

Ranma slumped to the ground, exhausted. There was simply no way that he could force his cursed form to assume his own human male chi aura. He had to shelve Ryoko's idea, unfortunately. The pain was unbelievable.

Staggering to his feet, Ranma made his way to the wooden burrow that he'd made. It had proven a simple matter to use vacuum blades to hollow out part of a huge lightning struck oak bole, like a giant termite. The 'doorway' was just a door shaped hole, but it was good enough to serve. Ranma didn't like the idea of the bloodsucking giant insects of Ryugenzawa catching him asleep, so he had kept the first layer that he'd sliced off, making a sort of wooden hatch. Pushing the hatch back inside the hole made an acceptable door. He had blown a few small diagonal vents in the walls, making a rainproof breezeway and allowing the afternoon light into his hideaway.

Collapsing inside, he lay staring dully at the doorway, exhaustion dragging at his mind. His chi experiments had really taken it out of him. He could easily become a dragon, and another animal, a large white dog-like striped creature with very sharp claws.

Ranma was not ready to admit that he could become a huge white tiger, so he didn't bother. He had to become a girl for a split second though. Going directly to the form wasn't possible.

Groaning, Ranma turned over. Something was bothering him, a dull pain…

With a clatter, he dumped out his chi fold and let it dissipate. It was quite the testament to his condition that he was too exhausted to maintain the small ki construct. On the wood beside him lay several old scrolls, his cased fiddle, a sheaf of manuscript paper, a can of pork and beans, a large pile of pocky, a very worn and ancient pocket knife, some monofilament fishing line, a few hooks and a polished wooden box.

Ranma lay staring at the box, suddenly remembering Happosai's challenge. The old bastard wanted it opened. Well, Ranma seriously doubted if he could open a cracker box at the moment. He was completely done in.

Idly, he stared at the box, without any probing, just allowing his aura to creep in around the box. Noting an odd resonance, he channeled a little more ki into the area, not just the box. After a moment, he perceived an ethereal string forming at the top of the box. Idly, he sent out a very weak trickle of ki, trying to tug on it.

The ribbon faded when his ki touched it. With a drowsy astonishment, he realized that the aura he projected must not be made of ki.

His eyes slowly closed, consciousness fleeing. Soon he was bounding across the plain of dreams, his vast claws digging into the turf, bellowing out his challenge to any that dared respond.

"Hello, Ranma-kitty. Aren't you the handsome boy!"

Ranma-neko paused, his quest for battle instantly forgotten. This particular She had visited the dream-place before. She knew just how to scratch an ear. He gave an interrogative whuff, then butted his head against her shoulder, looking for attention.

"My, but you're huge in that form." Tsunami grew until their proportions were more equal, before petting the tiger. "Don't fret so, Grand-Nephew. Your life will soon change for the better."

-

Ukyo's bakers peel smashed one of the orochi's heads into the ground with a brutal clang. "Back off, you perverted lizard! Keep it up and I'll get out my grill! Everyone will want to try dragon okonomiyaki!"

The other heads hissed their angry response to this ludicrous, if somewhat worrying threat and one of the smaller fanged horrors darted toward the okonomiyaki chef, intent on revenge.

Ukyo easily parried, then leapt into the air over the water, jumping fluidly from one head to the other in a tornado of clanging strikes. It was _nearly_ Saotome Ryu, but she had extended it with the addition of her ninja clan's feared 'blizzard strike' technique. She had long melded the Saotome Ryu basics that Ranchan and Genma had taught her so long ago into the very core of her art, including the moves in her unorthodox weapons style.

The lumpy heads twisted and turned in dazed pursuit, until they suddenly stiffened to a pained halt.

Ukyo bounced off of one and leapt back to the shore, laughing. "What's the matter, scaly, got a little crick in your necks?" The heads had nearly braided their long necks together. None could move without causing considerable pain.

A truly enormous head slowly rose from the water and hissed angrily at the chef.

Ukyo swallowed, unnerved at this display of reptilian animus, and then sighed in relief as all of the heads abruptly submerged. It should take the thing a while to untangle itself, and hopefully she would find Ranchan before it could bother her again.

Retrieving her pack from where she had dropped it, Ukyo beat a hasty retreat from the thing's territory. She only paused to fill her empty canteen. Filling her canteen cup, she dropped in her sympathetic compass, marked the bearing with her magnetic compass and then set out determinedly in Ranchan's direction. He had told her all about Ryugenzawa, but the huge animals were still a little scary.

After about an hour, she came to the edge of the forest. Ukyo halted, confused. Her trusty compass had pointed IN to the forest from near here, just this morning. Was Ranchan on the move? If so, he could be hundreds or even thousands of kilometers away by now. Fretting, she poured a cup full of water and consulted her compass again.

It pointed straight back at the forest. Frowning, she started walking, holding the cup out before her and peering worriedly at the floating toothpick. He had been disappearing regularly, and she was quite concerned about him. Ranma moved as fast as a flea on a griddle anyway and this new ability to hide from her was worrisome in the extreme. She stopped every hundred steps to let the water grow still, checking the compass and watching for dangerous animals.

Stopping for another bearing, Ukyo cried out with surprise when the compass pointed back towards the forest's edge. She had walked around a large tree stump, but nothing else was in view. Retracing her steps, she watched with growing disbelief as the compass pointed straight at the stump.

Frowning, she circled the wooden giant, the compass pointing unerringly in its direction. Jumping to the jagged top, she looked down, seeing nothing.

"Ranchan?" Ukyo pried ineffectually at the rotten wood with her spatula and then jumped to the ground. Walking slowly around the huge stump, she peered at the sides, until she noticed a three foot by five foot patch that didn't quite match the weathered wood around it.

Ukyo prodded at it gingerly, gasping when it swiveled sideways and fell out as one smooth plank. Peering into the portal, she blinked with surprise. The stump was hollowed out into a round room, about eight feet wide and seven feet deep, with a flat floor and a nicely domed ceiling. Ranchan lay sprawled in the middle of the floor, snoring quietly.

Ukyo grinned with triumph and then frowned. His face was pale with exhaustion. His clothes were dirty, torn and battered. What had he done to himself? Why would he need to sleep in the middle of the day and in such a dangerous neighborhood?

Looking suspiciously at the forest, Ukyo used a leafy branch to scuff out her tracks. Who knew what might be lurking around? Cunningly, she threw the branch into the tree line, so that Shampoo wouldn't see it and get suspicious. The bitch was never too far behind when Ranchan went missing.

Nipping into the room, Ukyo pulled the door closed behind her, taking care to try to line up the grain of the wood. Shampoo wouldn't find it so easy. Maybe the orachi would eat her.

Cheered by that thought, Ukyo unrolled her bedroll. Blushing crimson, she gently eased her Ranchan's unresisting form onto the soft blanket. Thoughtfully, she removed his slippers and his shirt. The shirt badly needed darning and she would enjoy the view as she worked.

Assuming the lotus position beside the sleeping boy, Ukyo dug her needles and thread out of her pack. Smiling at her beloved, if very worn looking Ranchan, she contentedly began sewing up the tears in his shirt. She would watch over him as he slept and see that he was well fed and comforted when he woke. It was her duty to take care of him after all.

-

"Ow! Let me go, you whacked out psycho!" Gosunkugi had called upon the power of Buluku and however improbably, had managed to save himself from contact with Kodachi's evil miasma. Unfortunately the psycho woman that had been oppressing him had gotten a face full at exactly the wrong moment. It had driven her even more insane.

"Teeheehee! I just love pet names! I think that I'll call you Snookums!" Rei smiled saccharinely down at him, nearly overcome with gloating satisfaction. He would be hers to keep just as soon as she could fit him for the ring! Fortunately there were a number of blank license forms kept at the shrine office and Grandpa was a licensed priest. The wedding would only take a few minutes!

"Snookums? Just kill me now! Ow! Ow! Ow! _Crap!"_ His head bumped painfully, over and over as he was dragged by the feet up the last of the ninety nine steps of the Sendai Hill Shrine by Sailor Psycho. She had transformed, chased him down like the fiery angel of lunatic death incarnate and hogtied him with clothesline. Now he was truly doomed. When she finally snapped out of whatever it was that Kodachi had done to her, she would instantly incinerate him.

"I'll kill you later, Snookums." She leaned down with a wicked grin and whispered her preferred means of execution into his ear.

Gosunkugi froze, shocked into immobility. He had a fine imagination, but he had never in his life heard anything quite that dirty. Fresh blood began to trickle from both nostrils.

"What have we here? Is that you, Rei? Oh, Sailor Mars! What a pleasant surprise." Kazuo Hino emerged from his shrine, playing dumb, very surprised that she would openly show him her costume. He was supposed to be too old and senile to notice the Sailor Senshi hanging around every day.

Rei flushed, cursing herself for forgetting to change. Well, so be it. The secret of the Sailor Senshi was out. The old man could lie like a champ, but it was obvious that he knew exactly who she was. She hated to lie to him again, but something told her that it was now or never.

Rei took a deep breath, flicking an apologetic look at Gosunkugi. "This boy took advantage of me, Grandpa! I was seduced! I have to marry him _right away_ in order to avoid disgrace!"

"Great suffering kami! I'll kill him! I'll devour his very soul!" The old man forgot his pretense of ignorance, raving with berserk fury as dreadful purple lightning bolts crackled around his clawed, ancient hands.

Gosunkugi fainted.

Rei stumbled back. "Grandfather! Stop DOING that! It was just a stupid gaijin movie! There IS no dark side of the force!"

The lightning abruptly dissipated.

"Ah, yes-yes, quite correct." The old man cleared his throat, embarrassed. "If this gets out it could adversely affect your father's political career, Rei. We have to do this very quietly, with a minimum of fuss." Rei's father was a respected opposition MP. He was the leader of the anti-corruption faction.

"I understand. We should do it as quickly as possible." Rei could care less about her father's career. She only wanted to get the wedding over with so that she could start on the honeymoon that she was burning for.

Kazuo rubbed his hands, cackling. Soon the prime minister would fall, and his well-positioned son would be hailed as the savior of the nation. Thus would begin the rule of Hino, at the head of a powerful New Order, dedicated to sound principles-

Rei sighed, recognizing the look in his eye and bitterly regretting the day that the stupid, childish Star Wars movies had ever been released in Japan. How was she to know that her crazy family would see in the lame plot a blueprint to political success?

Poking the old man, she snarled, "Well, Grandpa, what else do we need for a quickie wedding?"

Grandpa frowned, his vision of Samuri Stormtroopers crushing all dissidents forgotten for the moment. "Three witnesses, his and your signature on the form, a judicial release for an underage marriage and fifteen thousand yen filing fee."

"I'll call Usagi and-

"The witnesses have to be of age, but I can get the order right away." Fortunately he went to the baths with his close friend and neighbor Judge Shin every Friday. The good judge owed him and would be of invaluable aid in obtaining the court order. He should be home right now.

Lovingly, Rei caressed the unconscious prisoner's hollow cheek and then looked at the old man sharply. "Don't let him get away, Grandpa. I'll go find some witnesses!"

Kazuo gritted his teeth and glared at the lying criminal rapist that had so viciously soiled the honor of his beautiful Rei. "Yes, you do that. I'll make some calls and then soften up-I mean 'prepare' this young scoundrel for the ceremony."

-

Soun looked around, blinking cluelessly at the shattered storefronts of Minato-ku. "Where would you go to hide if you were the boy, Saotome?"

Genma pursed his lips thoughtfully. After all these years, Soun still looked like the biggest rube in the world. They had trimmed a lot of would-be scammers that way during their tenure as The Master's involuntary disciples.

"Well, first to the Nekohantin, to fill up on some of their excellent ramen, then out to Ucchan's for an extra large tuna okonomiyaki, then perhaps home to see what Nodoka had on the stove." Genma swallowed, drool making it hard to speak. His son had a truly enviable life and the whining little girl didn't even see it.

Soun narrowed his eyes. Genma was a great friend, but he rarely thought much past his appetites. "He wants to hide, Saotome. We agreed that it wouldn't be in Nerima."

Genma nodded, his pride obvious. "The boy has developed the umisenken to a very high level, Tendo. He can hide anywhere in plain sight. For all we know he may simply be sitting quietly in the dojo."

Tendo frowned thoughtfully. "Ranma is never quiet."

"Quite right, Tendo. But he is often hungry," said Genma, with a sly look.

Soun nodded. "Very true, Saotome, but according to Nabiki, both Ucchan's and the Nekohantin have recently closed." Soun frowned at his old friend. "Nabiki says that Ukyo is moving, opening up a store somewhere here in Minato-ku. I would not be at all surprised to find the Nekohantin opening nearby."

Genma shrugged, uncomfortably. He suspected that Ranma had something to do with all of the ravaged buildings around them. He hoped that no enraged mobs would come looking for Saotome blood, or even worse, money over it. "This town is nothing but a wreck. It looks like a building would be cheap here, so maybe they're just taking advantage of opportunity. Not to worry, Tendo. The boy knows his duty."

"Then where has he gone? Why is he not with his fiancée?" Soun sighed dejectedly. He desperately wanted a grandson or six.

"Follow your stomach, Tendo! Ranma is a Saotome and that's what we Saotome's do best after all." Genma sniffed, looking around expectantly.

A young girl walked up to them and smiled beseechingly, clasping her hands together. "Oh, kind sirs, I could not help but overhear some of your conversation. Would you care to attend a wedding and act as official witnesses? There will be free food and sake!"

Genma nodded sagely. You just had to have the right attitude and the world was your oyster. "Certainly, young lady. If we can be of assistance then it is our plain duty as martial artists to do so."

Soun just stared, wondering how his friend always managed to be in the perfect spot for something unlikely to happen. Only Ranma and The Master were worse.

-

Ranma woke abruptly, somewhat disoriented. Sitting up, the first thing that he noticed was that he was in a rather large and comfortable flannel-lined sleeping bag. The second thing that he noticed was the strawberry scent that permeated the bag. Swallowing, he realized that he was otherwise without apparel.

He wrinkled his brow and then looked up as someone approached the outside of his shelter, singing. Blushing, he recognized the melodic voice.

_Winter skies are cold and low,  
With harsh winds and sleet.  
But when we're together in our bag,  
We'll make three months of heat!_

The door opened and Ukyo stuck her head in, smiling. Her eyes widened, seeing him awake. She had taken his clothes and would have to brazen it out. "Good morning, Ranma-Honey! I hope that you don't mind, but I sewed up all of the holes in your clothes and washed them out. They're drying outside."

"He, heh, heh, thanks." Ranma burned beet red, grinning stupidly. He desperately tried to forget that Ucchan and Shampoo liked to get it on in his bed, but there was a part that wasn't about to forget. "Uh, good morning, Ucchan. Can I have them?"

"Wait a bit, they're still too wet." Ukyo smiled mysteriously at him, entered the stump and knelt solicitously by the bag. "Are you feeling alright, Ranchan?"

"I'm fine." He had to piss, but it could wait. He wasn't about to let Ucchan get her hands on him though. If that happened, he would have to get cards printed, cards that would say, 'Hi! I'm Ranko, the world's cutest okonomiyaki waitress! Please don't pinch my ass,' if he gave in. No way.

"You were out for almost eighteen hours. I was really getting worried." Looking deep into his eyes, she reached out and brushed his hair out of his eyes with the back of her hand.

Ranma swallowed at the love he saw in her eyes. Damnit, Ucchan _liked_ him. Really liked him. "I tried to invent a new technique. It almost exhausted my ki." Ranma was dejected after his failure. Sure, he could change his cursed form's species once the curse was triggered, but he couldn't seem to completely rid himself of The Girl.

Ukyo swallowed. She should have been with him. "You should be more careful, Ranma. Exhausting your ki is really dangerous. You can kill yourself that way." Ukyo sighed at his discomfort. After the incident at school, she had decided not to crowd him again.

"I know." Ranma was depressed. "Stupid curse."

"Poor Ranchan. Here, have a chocolate, it will cheer you up." Ukyo carefully unwrapped gold foil from a chocolate coin and held it out. When he reached for it, she evaded his hand and then brought it directly to his lips.

Ranma, full of trepidation, took the chocolate into his mouth from her hand. Ucchan wasn't usually up to drugging a guy, but it had happened to him so often that he could never help but feel a bit suspicious. Biting down, his eyes widened with astonished pleasure. "Wagh! That's GOOD! I never tasted chocolate that good before! Where did you get it, Ucchan?"

Ukyo was confused. "I got it from your box over there. I thought that you might be drugged, so I checked them out. I hope you don't mind, but they were so good that I just couldn't help eating a few."

Ranma froze in mid chew. Happosai's stupid magic box sat there, the lid laying beside it, overflowing with wrapped chocolate coins.

"Oh, _crap."_

-

"Exchellent! Fine sake!" Soun was already half in the bag. Genma was obviously feeling no pain. The girl kept bringing fresh bottles every time they emptied one. She was very obliging, running both ways.

"Yesh, yesh, very good quality." Genma was quite content to be the guest of such a fine and generous temple. Perhaps he could sell off the boy again if this wedding didn't come off. They would be desperate for a groom, any groom. Of course he would have to drink Tendo under the table first.

"Where is this loathsome knave that has so dishonored such a fine miko? Hail him forth so that I may school him to his duty!" Kuno stood and gripped his bokken menacingly.

Genma winced at the over-loud voice. There was always a fly in the ointment.

They had run into Kuno, who had been stalking determinedly around Minato-ku, looking for a fight with the 'unclean youma of legend,' on the way back to the shrine. Rei had quickly convinced him to serve as the third witness.

"Oh, Sir, he is dressing as we speak. I cannot thank you fine gentlemen enough for your kindness." Rei beamed at them, secure in the knowledge that her time as a lonely girl-hero was soon to be ended. Soon she would know the full flower of her womanhood.

"It's our pleasure, my dear." Tendo, enunciating carefully, was feeling enormously mellow. Soon they would catch Ranma, subdue him as violently as necessary and this blissful scene would be repeated at his own home. It was all very like his own wedding, save for the lack of shackles.

Genma, mistaking the girl's besotted expression, contemplated attempting to sell Kuno, but was distracted from his plotting by the approach of two old men frog-marching a yoked, well tied and gagged kimono clad boy. One old man and the boy were clothed in traditional Shinto garb. The other old man was clad in a black judicial robe.

"Oh! Here they come!" Rei bowed, placing several extra sake bottles within easy reach. "Please excuse me, I must go and dress."

Genma blinked, saw the judge and his eyes widened. Hoping that the old bastard would have forgotten certain youthful indiscretions, Genma tried to look as old and un-Genmalike as possible.

"Genma! Still a free man, I see. Not that it surprises me. You were always an extraordinarily slippery customer." Judge Shin smirked at his former charge. The thuggish lad had turned into quite the powerful martial arts master by all appearances.

"Not really. I got married years ago." Genma didn't know what made him say it, but it broke Judge Shin up.

Kazuo Hino hastily spoke up, lest old recriminations ruin the occasion. "Let me introduce you to our witnesses, Ikuko. This is Soun Tendo, a respected councilman for Nerima-ku, and to his right you see one already known to you, a stalwart fellow and a Martial Arts Master, Sensei Genma Saotome. This likely young lad is one of the leading young Kendoists of Furincan High, one Tatewaki Kuno, often called The Blue Thunder."

The judge returned their bows with a slightly shallower one, as befitted his higher status. "Well then, since we are all present, let us all stand witness to our hapless groom here, _voluntarily _affixing his official hanko to the marriage agreement." Judge Shin intoned, glaring sternly at Gosunkugi.

Tatewaki's eyes had fixed on the gagged victim. They turned quite cold at the thought of magic being responsible for the debauchery of such a beautiful maiden. It was obvious that a lowly person like the sorcerer could never attract such a beautiful miko without cheating. "So, it _is_ you, foul seducer! Even a loathsome worm of a lesser sorcerer such as yourself, Hikaru Gosunkugi, should have known better than to use your vile magic to defile the miko! Have your wedding, dog, but understand this: When next I see you outside of these holy precincts, I strike!"

Gosunkugi rolled his eyes. Kuno was the least of his worries. No one at all was interested in letting him speak. The gag had been placed before he had woken from his faint. Instead, the two cracked old men had taken turns lambasting him for being such a degenerate, threatening him with spiritual, physical and legal obliteration if he didn't act the proper husband, all the while hitting him everywhere that the bruises wouldn't show. Frankly, at this point in the day, Gosunkugi was willing to do anything at all so long as the pain stopped. His upcoming immolation by the enraged Sailor Scout was a problem for the future.

Kazuo untied the gag, then the ropes holding Gosunkugi's arms in the bamboo yoke.

There was nothing like a proper wedding. Soun sighed with nostalgia, recalling the feel of his father in law's razor sharp katina at his neck, his brother's in law waiting with the dart guns, lest he evade the priests again.

"I never touched her!" shouted Gosunkugi. He noticed that there was an opening and sprinted for the stairs.

"Stop whining and marry her, boy!" Genma snagged the fleeing groom out of pure reflex. "We all have to face up to it sometime! Act like a man!"

The same drunken reflex drove Soun to intervene. "Yes, yes, boy, you must marry her! The schools must be joined!" He kicked the boy back toward the priest after hitting him with an instant full-body pain pressure point, a trick that the Master had often used on him in his youth.

"Gaahah! What was that?" Gosunkugi almost fainted again. The pain was horrific, but it only lasted for a fraction of a second.

Tatewaki was terribly jealous that he hadn't found his way into the bed of the supernally beautiful Fire Maid first. "Knave! To soil such a lovely dove and then attempt to leave her in the lurch! In the name of the Blue Thunder, I shall punish you!"

Gosunkugi took his battered hanko back from the waiting judge, stamped the document and then fixed them with an expression of such disdain that it actually stopped their shouting for a second.

"You all just suck."

-

Cologne closed her eyes and felt, the network of ki that she had attached to the area acting as an amplifier to her senses. Getting out of Tokyo had been a good move. Happosai's powerful chi presence tended to swamp his immediate area. There were numerous strong martial artists in the region, but Ranma's bright flame was nowhere in evidence.

Shampoo eyed the elder anxiously and then glared at Nabiki when Cologne shook her head. "Mercenary Girl better not be lying!"

"Why don't you just go away then?" Akane was angry. Nabiki's magic toothpick, improvised with hairs from Ranma's old futon, worked all too well. The Saotome/Tendo party had blundered into the Amazons, who had been following Ranma using their own esoteric methods. Cologne had been the author of many small past kindnesses, but Shampoo's bouncy, tireless presence was particularly odious.

"Now girls, no squabbling. We all agreed to pool our resources to find my son." Nodoka beamed at her manly son's many beautiful fiancées. She had no doubt that Nabiki now counted herself among the contenders, even though the sharp-witted girl had yet to formally declare herself.

"Spatula girl has too-too big lead." Shampoo said, glumly. Who knew that Ukyo's art could be so advanced as to encompass that sort of magic? Shampoo knew the secret to the compass now, and as soon as her airen was in reach, she intended to get a good selection of hair samples. She just hoped that he didn't end up getting snatched bald by all of the women in his life. Airen had too-too sexy hair.

Only Cologne noticed the small ninja hiding in the tree. He had been following the group all day. She felt sorry for him, and he was relatively harmless, so she didn't draw attention to him. Poor Sasuki had enough grief in his life without having all of the highly charged female martial artists taking out their anger on him.


	9. Chapter 9

Washu frowned as she read the data synopsis assembled by her expert systems. Nodoka Hakubi had been placed under the custody of the crown and then transferred to something called Orphanage no. 106. The transfer had been interrupted however, and the only lead was a near-illegible notation that the subject had been taken into the custody of her father's family.

Massaging her head, Washu racked her newly regenerated brain circuitry for memories that just weren't there. She could remember everything about Jiro, his smile, the soft deep timbre of his voice, his gentle hands and especially the perfect trust and contentment that she had felt in his arms. She just had no idea what his last name had been before he had adopted hers. She did remember that there was some sort of scandal, something that had tainted his name to the point that keeping it would hamper his police career.

"Any luck?" Ryoko was quite surprised that Washu had taken the few seconds necessary to admit her to the lab.

"Your sister was taken by her father's people, but I just can't remember who they are. There is nothing in any machine readable file about Jiro's family, but that doesn't mean anything. Computers were just making their debut in this society back then. The case officer, the clerk and the judge that handled the case are all dead. There are simply no further leads." Washu's voice was wooden.

Ryoko laid a comforting hand on her diminutive mother's shoulder. "Tsunami said that she was alright, mother. We know that she's out there somewhere. Don't worry so much."

Washu sighed, obscurely grateful for the support. Ryoko rarely addressed her as 'mother.' "I know. I just can't help it, Ryoko. I worried about you for thousands of years after all, no matter how illogical it was. It seems to be hardwired into whatever species it is that I am."

"If you're not Jurian, how could you have a kid with a Human?" Ryoko cocked her head at that, but refrained from asking any more questions. Questions always annoyed Washu and an annoyed Washu could be quite dangerous.

"I'm compatible with almost any species." Washu blinked, suddenly focusing on Ryoko's burden. "Why are you carrying that pig around?"

"First, did you ever finish analyzing that hair that you got from Ranma?" Ryoko smiled, knowing that a challenge this complex was just what Washu needed to snap out of her funk.

"The guy-girl? I put the hair sample in the analyzer yesterday and forgot all about it, but I suppose that it should be done by now. So what's that got to do with the pig?" Washu turned to her main console and punched up a particular display. On the screen, a strand of Ranma's DNA rotated. She nodded and then set her equipment to cross checking its archives for a match.

"I found another shape-shifter like Ranma." Ryoko watched the display, but it meant less to her than it did to Ryoga. "This pig thinks that it is actually a human boy. He's got what he calls a 'curse.' He said that he got his curse at the same place that Ranma got cursed, at nearly the same time, just about a year ago. If you splash him with hot water he changes back to his human birth form."

"That's… _interesting._ Of the subspecies _Sus Salvanius, _I believe. Generally thought to be on the brink of extinction." Washu eyed the worried pig thoughtfully, but was distracted by a beep.

The screen was displaying a conclusion. 'Match, 97.56 confidence.' Suddenly a picture of Ryoko appeared.

Washu leapt to her feet, pig forgotten, shock on her face. "It can't be!"

Ryoko double blinked. "What the-

The screen changed.

The computer then read out, 'Match, 99.898 confidence.'

A picture of Washu appeared, along with a gene chart.

Washu nodded decisively, analyzing the data as fast as the machine could present it. "Nodoka survived. Ranma is my grandson/daughter." She turned back to the pig, her concentration intense enough to melt glass. "Let's just see about this so-called curse."

Ryoga snorted loudly. The truth was out! Ranma was an alien invader, here to steal all of the Earth girls that Ryoga liked! Now he had even more justification for beating up on Ranma.

Dazedly, Ryoko handed over the pig. A huge smile suddenly bloomed on her face. She had spent thousands of years as a mind controlled war machine, and hundreds of years as a lonely repentant ghost. One of the many things that had saddened her during this reflective period was her outcast status. But that had all changed, beginning with Tenchi and then Washu reentering her life. She had quite liked Ranma, and it seemed that even more nice people were going to become a part of her life.

"This means that Ranma is my nephew!" Ryoko began to dance, chanting in a peculiar sing-song, "I have a nephew and a sister, I have a nephew and a sister! And sometimes I have a niece and a dragon!"

Ryoga watched goggle-eyed from Washu's arms, suddenly aware that at least some of Ranma's weirder traits had to come from his alien genes.

"Now we need to find them!" Washu strode over to her exam table and placed the pig upon it.

Four metal tentacles snapped out with hair-raising speed to grab Ryoga's hooves, flipping him over on his spine. A globe of hot water materialized in the air over the frazzled ungulate.

Washu narrowed her burning eyes. "Let's have a talk, little piggy."

-

"Bwaahahahahahaha! Hahahaha! Oh, Man! HAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ranma rolled, gracefully dodging spatula strikes, eyes clenched shut, red faced and streaming tears, laughing uncontrollably.

"It was an honest mistake!" Ukyo, face flame red, tried a double reverse feint and missed yet again. "Stop laughing at me!"

Ranma rolled easily to his feet, dancing around her blows so effortlessly that she almost gaped. Ukyo had worked hard to learn her family school, and had added greatly to it on her own. She had fought Ranma before, and although she had known that he held back and was her better in the art, she'd had no idea that he could be _this_ much better. It was shocking.

"Heeeee- hahaha!" Ranma gasped a lungful of sorely needed air. Come on' Ucchan, I don't mean nothin' by it! But ya gotta admit that it was pretty funny, you two mistakin' each other for me in the dark like that." Ranma guffawed, and then hopped over a spatula strike. "I'm glad you an' Shampoo ain't really all perverted like I thought though."

"Ranma!" Ukyo thought her head would burst into flame with sheer embarrassment. The horrible truth was that she wasn't altogether sure about that. She had been nerving herself up to please his girl form for a long time. Embarrassment made her redouble her attacks.

Ranma dodged for a time, peering at her intently, and suddenly snatched her spatula out of her hands. He danced back, grinning and tossed it to land beside Ukyo's pack.

Ukyo gasped, his speed taking her breath away.

"Try without weapons, Ucchan. I think you've gone about as far as you can with your armed style. That weapon of yours is too big to move any faster. You need to work on your unarmed skills to grow your chi before you can take it to the next level."

Ukyo took a deep breath. The next level that he spoke of was well past mastery, into myth territory, where Ranma lived. "Oh, Ranchan…I am _so_ going to knock that silly grin right off of your face!" Ukyo attacked all-out, her embarrassment cooling away as the natural joy of the morning spar asserted itself. Soon, she was wearing a silly grin of her own.

"Break!" Some two hours later, an un-mussed Ranma lit on the ground behind Ucchan, grinning with delight.

"That was great, Ucchan! Hey, you really kept up your practice! You even extended the school a little! That reverse-inverse spin of yours may not have been a part of the Saotome school before, but it will be now!"

Ranma had vastly enjoyed the sparring. She was the only fiancée that had any grasp at all of aerial combat, limited as she was. It wasn't often that he got to spar that way with anyone but Pops, and Ranma knew his father's moves so well that it was like fighting the same fight every day.

Ukyo blushed, panting with exhaustion. "I always practiced everyday, just like we promised."

"Promised?" Ranma scratched at his pigtail, embarrassed. "What promise was this?"

Ukyo frowned. "The day before the panda ran off with you and my dowry. You and I promised each other that we would practice until we were as good as we could be." She raised an eyebrow. "I never forgot my promise." She had meant to flatten him with it, before she had forgiven him.

Ranma sighed, looking despondently at his feet. "I forgot a lot of stuff, Ucchan. I forgot mom and everything else for a long time." He looked up, meeting her eyes. "But I never really forgot you."

"Ranchan…" Ukyo swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped nearer. "What's wrong?"

Ranma shrugged. "Nothin' much. We better get cleaned up and move on before someone finds us."

Ukyo seized his chin. "Talk to me, Ranchan. Why did you forget?" Her eyes suddenly widened with comprehension. "Was it the Neko-ken? Was it the _cats?"_

Ranma flinched at the dreaded word.

Ukyo frowned. He was very good at hiding that reaction, but not when she was touching him. "What did he do to you? Tell me how he hurt you, Ranchan."

Ranma shrugged uncomfortably, pulling his chin free and breaking eye contact. "Pops didn't mean it. He's just a big stupid panda. Besides, I'm gettin' over it."

"I mean to hurt _him."_ Ukyo had forgiven Ranma, but never the panda.

Ranma laughed. "Not unless you really work at it. Pops is a lot better than he ever lets on, even to me."

"Really? Did he go through the nekoken training too?" Ukyo was scornful.

Ranma shrugged. Genma never talked much about his training. "Oyaji is a stupid panda, but he's also one of the greatest martial artists ever. He spent ten years doing nothing but teaching me everything that he could and taking me from master to master, to learn anything else that I could pick up. I know what I owe him for that, Ucchan." Ranma looked determined. "I paid a price to be what I am and Pops paid it too. Nothin' comes free. If I got ta beat some stupid c- c- cats then I'll do it."

Ukyo frowned. Ranma would never turn against Genma and she knew that she would eventually have to swallow her bile and forgive the fat baka panda if she ever expected to marry Ranma, but she still wanted to beat him into grease first.

Time to change the subject then. "When did you forget our promise, Ranchan?"

Ranma shrugged. "It was the neko-ken, just like you thought. I don't remember very much about my life from… before." He stared at the forest and sighed. "It was hard. I quit talking for a long time after the p-p-pit. I sort of remembered you, but… it …it was kind of mixed up with other things, people and faces and c-cats merging together… almost like a dream. Only the art seemed real to me for a long time. I put it all out of my mind and concentrated only on the art, all day every day. That's how I beat it."

Ukyo cupped his cheek sorrowfully. "Oh, my poor Ranchan."

Ranma flushed, guiltily. "I really didn't get much of a handle on those ol' memories until we met again, Ucchan. But it's getting better!" he brightened. "Now I'm starting to remember all kinds of things, people we met and places we stayed. Maybe I'm gettin' over the c- c- cats!"

"Oh, Ranchan." Ukyo's eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry that all of those terrible things had to happen to you. If only Genma had kept his word and stayed with _us._ Daddy would never let something like that go on." Ukyo hugged him, crying softly and making plans to pound the panda.

"That's probably why Oyaji went an' stole the cart." Ranma scowled over her shoulder. "It wasn't that long after we left you that he dug the pit. Hey! I just remembered… he used the empty cart to hide the c- cats that he stole."

Stroking her hair, he recalled Genma rolling the cart around town, mercilessly cheating okonomiyaki customers and catnapping any feline that crossed their path, stuffing it into the storage locker on the bottom of the cart. Oyaji had stashed the empty cart behind a false wall of loose boulders in the cave that they had been sleeping in, near the site of the pit.

Ranma blinked as it suddenly struck him. He knew where Ucchan's cart was hidden! He could make amends!

Ukyo, nearly catatonic with pleasure from this petting, started with surprise. "You said cats." Ukyo pushed herself back, holding him by the shoulders, looking sharply into his eyes. "You said it three times!"

Ranma shrugged and spoke without thinking. "I'm tryin' to get over it. Ever since I figured out how to turn into a dragon it just seems dumb to let them things scare me that bad. After all, I'm about a million times bigger than a c- cat. I might even be able to stand in a room with one of them now." He was going to see if Shampoo would help.

Ukyo blinked. "Turn into a _dragon?_ Just what exactly have you been doing out here, Ranchan?"

-

The agent riffled through the real estate documents and then captured them with a digital camera. Grinning, he included the piece of scratch paper, replete with little hearts and flowers doodled around the careful, beautiful calligraphy that made up the name 'Ranchan.'

Miss Kuonji had experienced very little difficulty in getting out of her old lease. The Emperor could be quite the generous landlord, when motivated. In fact, the girl had gotten quite the sweetheart deal on her new building lease. The only drawback was that the new place would come fully wired for video and sound, courtesy of the department.

Arranging the papers exactly as they had been left, he methodically photographed the inside of the tiny office. The restaurant below had been extensively surveyed, but he was the first operative to penetrate the private areas.

The agent felt a bit bad about what he was doing. The subject was not evil, or a criminal like the Yakuza and Paks that were his usual prey. In fact he rather admired Miss Kuonji, but COMPLETE cover meant that the department would pry until it learned absolutely everything about the subject, including her innermost dreams.

The agent was Public Security's finest black bag man, and he was always extremely careful not to leave a trace during a covert entry. It wasn't really his fault that he hadn't been informed of the resident ninja.

-

"Cash up front, Sweetmeat." The nondescript PI rubbed thumb and forefingers together in the universal sign for 'pay me.' Tetsuo was burakamin and he made no secret of the fact. He was phenomenally good at his job though, which was why he worked steadily in spite of his 'polluted' state. Most people, even in these somewhat enlightened times, preferred to deal with him over the internet. His respect was not easily earned.

"Here's your money, and you may call me Meioh-San." Setsuna passed over a thick wad of cash, snatching the manila file out of the man's hands. Hurriedly flipping it open, she gritted her teeth as she read the dossier.

Tetsuo grinned knavishly, ogling her. "Well exsqueeze, me, your highness."

Setsuna, taken by surprise, flicked an appraising eye over the rough looking man. She was immediately distracted by what she saw in the dossier, though.

"Those worthless bastards!" Setsuna considered suing the large detective agency that she had hired to trace Ranma. Experience had taught her to always have a backup plan, and the rough looking man that she had hired so cheaply as backup had come through with more in one day than the expensive agency had managed in weeks.

"The subjects or the competition?" The other watchers hadn't escaped Tetsuo's sharp eyes, although he had most assuredly escaped theirs.

"Both," growled Setsuna, seething in impotent anger. Suing them would waste her time, which was more valuable than any amount of money.

The detective agency had maintained that Genma Saotome was laying low in the Tendo Residence, yet here was an hour by hour itinerary, showing the creep running all over the place with his whiny friend Soun Tendo. They had gone to several bars and then taken a train to Minato-ku. They had even paused in their drinking to attend the swords-point wedding of the Miko of the Sendai Hills Shrine as official witnesses…

Setsuna's eyes suddenly rolled up in her head. Tetsuo caught her as she fainted.

-

Ryoga pulled mightily, but there was no escape. The shackles that held him were like flexible steel, but much stronger. He would have torn through simple, earthly steel like dough. Not this alien stuff though.

Gasping for breath, he clenched his eyes shut. This was all Ranma's fault. The horrible alien invader-kid had interrogated him about Ranma, Nodoka, Genma, the Art and everything else that he knew. Not liking his answers, Washu had put him through unspeakable tortures, had introduced him to awful alien perversions, things undreamt of by simple innocent humans. Satiated at last, the monstrous alien child-woman had left him spread-eagled stark naked on the examination table.

It wasn't that it was uncomfortable. After the many, many large and invasive probes had been withdrawn from various orifices, all discomfort had been alleviated by the machinery before he even felt it. Having his full bladder teleported empty and his empty belly teleported full had been a novel, if upsetting experience. He just hoped that the alien clockwork couldn't mess up and get the payloads mixed up.

The truth was, Ryoga had been left posed like a perverts plaything. The deadly humiliation of it all was going to cost Ranma dearly.

"Washu?"

Ryoga gritted his teeth, hearing someone approach. Humiliation time. Oh, was Ranma ever going to be sorry for having a family like this.

"Washu, do you still have any of that lotion-

Mihoshi stopped, staring in disbelief. Her face was suddenly suffused with red. Her knees trembled.

"Hiiiiii! I'm Mihoshi!" she squeaked.

Ryoga met the well endowed blonde's avid eyes and saw the powerful lust shining forth. He swallowed, suddenly feeling as defenseless as P-Chan at a Hawaiian luau.

"Aah… Er… Hi?" His voice broke on the last syllable and his nose suddenly fountained blood, relieving the incredible overpressure as another of his appendages completed its pressurization process.

Mihoshi tore her eyes away from this magnificent display, saw the blood on his chest and went straight in to full-blown panic. "Noooo! Don't worry, Hunk-Man, I know first aid! Tourniquet!"

-

Discreetly, the butler cleared his throat. "Madame, there is a… _person_ to see you."

"What sort of person, Priory?" Kodachi was on her balance beam, going through a particularly difficult evolution. She would have gotten quite upset with the butler for interrupting, but he had been a Kuno retainer for a less than a week and didn't know her habits yet. Besides, he was English and having an English butler was very stylish in her circle.

"I am not sure, Madame. This… _individual_ appears to be a young woman, but I note the presence of an Adam's apple. Our visitor was admitted from the tradesman's entrance."

Kodachi thought for a moment. "It sounds like Konatsu. Whatever could he want here?"

"He will speak only to you, Madame."

By all accounts, Ukyo Kuonji's retainer was a formidable ninja indeed. Kodachi dismounted with a perfectly executed triple back flip, then toweled off the sweat. "Please show him to the buttery, Priory. I shall change and be there directly."

"Yes, Madame." The butler turned to go, mentally fixing Konatsu in the hierarchy of persons of interest to the Department. Konatsu had been overlooked, so 'Priory' congratulated himself. His real name was McGregor, and he was a very senior agent of the Department of Public Security. No one ever suspected a gaijin of being a government employee and his stint as the Kuno butler was proving to be surprisingly informative.

-

Kodachi swept into the small room, fully prepared to berate the confused boy, but his abjectly low bow defused her irritation. Putting on a sociable expression, she essayed, "Good afternoon, Konatsu-san."

"Good afternoon, Kodachi-san. I have a note for your hands and eyes only." Bowing low, he presented the note.

Kodachi read the note and then pinned him with her eyes. She doubted if it was an ambush. Sasuke had great respect for the faux kunochi. She would never have had the least inkling that he was nearby if he was trying to kill her.

"I see." Nodding slowly, she said, "Lead on then, Konatsu-san. I shall accompany you."

Konatsu bowed again, and then lead her by a roundabout path to a blind alley, with no possible vantage point for a follower to remain behind them unobserved. Looking carefully, he determined that the followers were hanging back.

Kodachi looked at the unappealing blank brick walls on three sides and raised an eyebrow.

Placing finger to lip and bowing, Konatsu pulled a paddle and a small device from a bag and assembled a machine of some sort. Running the paddle over Kodachi, whistling loudly, he showed her the spike of a signal that modulated in time with the whistle.

Kodachi reddened with anger.

Motioning for permission, he plucked her small red hair ribbon free, placing it in a small metal box. Quickly, he pulled open a manhole and bowed, gesturing toward it.

Kodachi gave him a sharp look, shook her hair out and then climbed nimbly down the iron ladder. She was relieved to find that it was clean and dry below, with no unpleasant smell. There were two electric lanterns on the floor, and a bag marked with her name containing a helmet, galoshes and gloves waiting near a small crate by the base of the ladder.

Picking up a lantern, she switched it on, and then sat down on the crate to pull the galoshes on over her street shoes. They fit perfectly. Above her, the manhole cover grated into place, cutting off the sun as Konatsu climbed down.

As he reached the base of the ladder, Kodachi stood, donning her yellow plastic safety helmet.

Konatsu bowed again. "I believe that it is safe to speak now, Kodachi-san."

"You state that Ranma is in danger and that I am under surveillance. I have seen enough to believe in the surveillance. Tell me of Ranma and what you know of these vile spies." Kodachi raised her chin, angrily. Someone would pay dearly for their temerity. She would have their lives if Ranma was to be harmed.

"Yes, Kodachi-san. I found a listening device concealed a light fixture in Ukyo-san's restaurant yesterday. I disabled the device in a manner consistent with an electrical short and waited, hidden. The spy, unknowing, entered to repair the apparent fault and I followed him to his base, a government ministry in Chiyoda-ku."

"It is truly the government?" Kodachi frowned. There were few in the government that would risk the displeasure of the Kuno.

"Yes, Kodachi-san. I was able to infiltrate the building. The main and top floors are taken up by the Council on Traffic Safety, but the subfloors are inhabited by the Department of Public Safety and Social Cohesiveness."

"Well done! Were you able to ascertain their interest in my Ranma-samma?" Even as she grappled with this new information, Kodachi was marveling at his efficiency. Truly competent help was almost impossible to find, even with an unlimited budget.

"Not precisely, Kodachi-san. I read a directive authorizing intrusive measures to gather information on Ranma and all or any of his associates, but no reason was given in the document beyond a hint that it may be considered a national security matter."

Kodachi narrowed her eyes in consideration. "Hmm. What measures have been taken against the Kuno?"

"I believe that your household has recently acquired a butler?" Konatsu was careful to maintain his humble mien. Whatever their current state, the Kuno were a great clan. It would not do to draw their anger onto Ukyo.

"Priory!" Kodachi stamped in anger. "I shall… do nothing. A known spy is a valuable tool. And he is a fine butler."

Konatsu bowed, leaving his endorsement of that course unspoken.

"Tell me, Konatsu-san, why did you come to me with this information?" Kodachi was hoping that he was getting tired of Ukyo Kuonji's parsimony. A retainer like Konatsu could be more valuable than his weight in gold.

"Ukyo-san departed in pursuit of Ranma Saotome some days ago. I was ordered to look after her property and to protect it against threats. I am… unsure of how I may protect Ukyo from the government. I considered poisoning the ministry water supply, but that could be counterproductive. Considering further, I decided that you would have the same goal as Ukyo-san, to protect Ranma-san. Therefore it is in Ukyo's best interest to inform you of the threat."

"Well considered." Kodachi narrowed her eyes in thought. "Do you know where my Ranma-samma is?"

"No, Kodachi-san. Ukyo has not called." Konatsu sighed, worriedly.

Kodachi laid a hand on his forearm. "You have done very well, Konatsu-san. Know that should you ever find yourself at liberty, you have a place in the service of the Kuno." She knew that like the samurai of old, he would not consider leaving his mistress, but if Kuonji were to perish, she would have twice as much to gloat over should Kontasu take refuge with the Kuno.

"Thank you, Kodachi-san." He bowed. "We must reappear soon, or they will know that we know. If you wish, I can lead you to another manhole a quarter mile away, in a place where your appearance will not be remarked upon. I will disable the listening device and with luck they will dismiss this incident as a simple malfunction."

Kodachi nodded, looking every inch the empress in spite of her yellow helmet, gloves and rubber galoshes. "Lead on then, Konatsu-san."

-

Hikaru Hino opened his eyes and looked nervously at the clock by the bed. It was midmorning, and his insanely powerful lunatic wife was still asleep, still holding onto him like an octopus.

He swallowed. She was unbelievably sexy in her naked glory.

With infinite care, he slowly unmoored himself, sliding free of her grasp. Moving soundlessly, he picked up what little remained of his clothing and crept toward the door. If he could get away, jump a freighter for Russia and put some deep water between him and her powerful magic, he might yet get lost enough to live for a while.

He took a careful step, turned back for a last look and froze.

Her eyes were open and fixed on him.

Hikaru swallowed painfully and squared his shoulders. This might well be it. "Uh, good morning." He cleared his throat nervously and managed a sickly smile. Best to face death like a man.

Rei sat up, narrowed her eyes, got out of bed and stalked implacably after him.

Hikaru almost started crying. It was just so unfair! Looking on the bright side of the dark side, he acknowledged that at least he wouldn't die a virgin like he had always feared.

Backpedaling, waving his hands in what he imagined was an appeasing gesture, Hikaru began, "Uh, Rei, about last night, I uh… I didn't-

Wordlessly, Rei seized him, dipping him back for a long, scorching kiss.

It went on so long that Hikaru was almost smothered. She wasn't in her Senshi form, but he could feel that some of the magic was always with her. She was stronger than he and there was little that he could do to stop her.

She released him, just as little sparkles began to appear around his field of vision. Gasping for oxygen, Hikaru straightened, backpedaling so that he wouldn't fall on his butt.

"Good morning, Husband!" trilled the madwoman. "What would you like for breakfast?"

Hikaru usually had tea and toast, but he was curiously hungry this morning. "Um, anything is fine, ah, Dear." Looking past her at the mirror, he was stunned to note that the dark circles that had been imprinted under his eyes for as long as he could remember, were finally gone.

-

"Well, you see, these curses have a sort of pattern to them, a chi pattern." Ranma twisted his long, sinuous neck around to see if Ukyo was following his explanation and blushed.

Ukyo was staring aghast at his dragon-sized 'equipment.'

"Uhm, Ukyo?" Ranma suddenly felt quite naked.

Shaking her head, Ukyo tore her attention away and managed to look at his face. "Ranchan, I don't even want to _think_ about what would happen if you changed by accident while we were making love."

Ranma gaped. Did all women have such horribly filthy minds? _He_ never did when he was a girl, so it must be some kind of 'real girl's only' thing. "Uh, as I was sayin', I can only change into a dragon by changing into a girl first."

"Good." Ukyo sighed with relief. "Say, where are your clothes, Ranchan?"

The dragon huffed, an expression of outrage steeling over the reptilian features. "I figured out how to put them in a sort of hidden weapons space. It's the same technique that Mousse uses." It was also the same trick that Pops used. The old Panda was still holding out on him.

Ukyo leaned in, reaching up until her hand was on his neck. "Will you teach me to do that, Ranchan? It would really come in handy and fit in well with my school."

"Sure, Ucchan." The dragon yawned, stretching his wings. Suddenly, his head whipped around. "What! Why you little shrimp! I oughta-

He abruptly fell silent.

Ukyo blinked, one foot braced on the joint of his wing... "Who are you talking to, Ranchan?"

Ranma heaved a sigh. "Just more magical stuff, Ucchan. I can understand what that squirrel is sayin.' I can understand everyone in this form."

"Oh! I read a translation of an English book a long time ago that said that dragons had the gift of tongues! It must be true!" Ukyo beamed. Her fiancée was _so_ cool! "What's it saying?"

"You don't wanna know, Ucchan." Ranma couldn't believe how filthy the squirrel's mouth was. In fact, almost every animal and insect in the forest was screaming out threats or crude come-ons. It was truly disturbing.

Ukyo pulled herself onto the dragon's back, just behind his neck. "Oooh, Ranchan, you're as hard as steel." Ukyo realized what she had said and blushed. This wasn't exactly the setting that she'd imagined herself saying that to Ranchan in.

"Don't cut yourself, Uccan," Ranma warned. He'd shredded a giant tree by scratching his back against it just yesterday.

"I need to rig up some kind of saddle." Ukyo jumped off to retrieve her sleeping bag and some nylon strapping from her pack.

"Uh…" Stoically, Ranma put up with her ignoring him as she worked out how to tie the sleeping bag onto his back.

Ukyo tied the last strap on, securing her pack as a sort of backrest and beamed. Jumping straight to his back, she laughed. "Now this is a lot better. I'm gonna have to get a real saddle made though."

"What?" Ranma didn't really mind her negligible weight, but he didn't know why she would bother.

"Ranchan, I _always_ wanted to fly on a dragon's back." Ukyo leaned down and kissed a steel-hard neck scale. "It was a childhood fantasy of mine. I doubt if _anyone_ ever got a chance like this. I wanna take advantage of the opportunity while I can."

Ranma frowned. She could get hurt if he crashed. "But… I don't really know how to fly in this form. Besides, I'm pretty close to bein' able to fly in my regular form, Ucchan. I'll teach you how once I get the technique perfected."

"That'll be nice, but it's not like riding a dragon. Especially a really cool looking golden dragon like you, Ranchan." She fastened her improvised safety belt and drummed her heels against his torso. "Giddyap, Ranchan! Flap your wings and let's fly!"

Ranma thought about it and then spread his wings. He had once watched Ukyo knock Ryoga completely through a reinforced concrete wall for walking in on her in the bathroom. She had leapt after him with a flaring battle aura, clearing the wall by at least twenty feet. It was unlikely that she could be hurt by any reasonable fall. He would just have to stay low.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh, Ranchan, this is _fantastic!_ Go higher!" Ukyo crowed with delight as the dragon skimmed the waves, a long sinuous wingtip occasionally kissing the water.

"Gotta stay low, Ucchan. There might be radar or something." Ranma didn't want to have an encounter with fighter planes. He would probably survive, but Ucchan wasn't quite as durable.

A fishing boat appeared and Ukyo waved merrily at the gaping crewmen, the purest delight filling her heart. No girl had _ever_ had a fiancé like this. It was no wonder that so many others were trying to muscle in. Well, let them try. She would lay them out in windrows. As her clan had taught her, there was no 'try,' only victory or death.

Ranma smelled land before he saw it, the rank odor of the shore making his gorge rise. Rising above the bluff, inhospitable shoreline, he skimmed treetops until he found an empty road. Flaring his wings, he instinctively extended his rear talons and then realized that he was coming in much too fast.

"Wagh! Jump, Ucchan!"

Ranma plowed into the road with all of the grace of a falling locomotive, gouging a huge divot in the asphalt and crashing to a halt upside down against a tree.

Ukyo, having landed lightly on her feet, walked over to the upside down dragon, pulled its beard aside and kissed it firmly on the chin. "Are you alright, Ranchan?" Ukyo's smile was electric. She had achieved her childhood dream! She had ridden a dragon! She was a dragon rider! Probably the only _real_ dragon rider in the whole world!

Ranma blinked several times, until his eyes were both looking the same direction. "Owwwww, man, flying is okay but I gotta work on those landings. Couldja do me a favor, Ucchan, an' heat me up some water?"

"You want to turn back? Already?" Ukyo pouted in disappointment. She loved Ranma's dragon form almost as much as his male human form.

"Yeah." Ranma grunted, trying to pull his wing free of a large tree. The razor-sharp leading edge had sliced almost all the way through the thick bole and the weight of the tree had pinched it hard, trapping him. Twisting, he finally kicked the tree over with a back claw, freeing himself.

The dragon struggled to its feet, and then stood swaying slightly, his long reptilian tongue flicking out as he tasted the breeze, head swiveling uneasily, looking up and down the road. "Couldja snap it up, Ucchan, before someone comes along and wants me ta pay for messin' up the road?"

"Comin' right up, Ranchan!" Ukyo sniggered at the thought of anyone demanding anything from the imposing dragon. Running her hands over the lustrous golden scales, she untied her makeshift saddle. Unpacking her gear, she retrieved and lit her butane hotplate, poured some water from a canteen into a rather dented teakettle and then turned to stare at the dragon, fascinated.

Embarrassed by Ucchan's huge shining eyes, Ranma busied himself in kicking dirt and rocks, along with any loose asphalt that he could find back into the gouge that he'd made, stamping it firmly down so that it was fairly smooth. The road wasn't used much, but it wouldn't do to cause a wreck. He finally became completely unnerved by Ucchan's staring.

"What's a matter, Ucchan, do I still got fish guts on me or something?" Ranma had feasted when they'd ventured out over the ocean.

Ukyo shook her head. She was staring because her Ranchan was beautiful in all of his forms. "I was just noticing that you still kind of have the same face. You still look like _you_, just more… scaly-like."

Ranma blinked. He looked like a _dragon_. Did dragons even have faces? They all pretty much looked alike to Ranma, but then he'd only seen a couple and none of them had been anything like this western dragon form. "Man, I hope not."

"No, really. It's still your own face, Ranchan, but… a dragon version."

Ranma shrugged, surprising himself. He hadn't known that it was possible. "I guess that sorta makes sense. This is what I'd look like if I was born a dragon, just like my girl form looks just like my mom, like me as a girl." He sighed. "All of this shapeshiftin' gets kind of confusing after a while."

"Why's that?" Ukyo rubbed the kettle on the burner, trying to speed things up.

"Well… I guess you get some instincts along with the form. For instance my girl side is pure lesbian, don't get me wrong, but she can really tell what clothes and colors go together if I want to bother. This dragon body sort of knows how to fly. I grabbed those fish out of the water without even thinking about it." Ranma didn't want to mention the… dog creature that he could turn into, and its powerful hunting instincts.

During their over-water test flight, Ranma had dipped his head into the sea and grabbed several large red snappers that had ventured incautiously near the surface, scarfing them down one after the other.

"Some sort of genetic memory? Too bad it doesn't know how to land. Tell me, Ranchan, does the dragon form ever feel like gathering up a nice hoard of treasure to sleep on?" Ukyo meant it in jest, but it was a semi-serious question. So far her old book about dragons had been perfectly correct.

"Treasure?" The dragon cocked its head, contemplatively. "That sort of… makes sense. Having a hoard would be… right." He felt an urge to dig out a cave to hide it all in. He didn't have any treasure, but if he found some what would he do with it? Treasure had to be guarded, and it would be pleasant to sleep in a nice deep and cool cave, with it all around him.

Ukyo smiled widely. "Those English really know their dragons. You know, dragons are also supposed to be able to breathe fire and take human form. Maybe you can do that too!"

Ranma thought about it. "I got a lotta new techniques that I'm still tryin' ta figure out right now, Ucchan. Maybe I'll wait on that. Breathin' fire could probably give a guy a sore throat an' I can already turn human if I want." Ranma was focused on learning to fly in his birth form. He really wanted to be able to rub it in after he flew right up to Herb and kicked his smug ass down into the dirt. Ryouko was a chick, and he wouldn't ever seriously fight even a super powered alien chick, but he was still going to out fly her and then learn the rest of her tricks. But still, he couldn't _wait_ to catch up with Pantyhose Tarou.

"Good idea." Ukyo was busily sketching out her saddle design as the teapot warmed. Her uncle Jiro was a saddle maker in the Imperial stables. He would probably do it for the cost of the materials, just to be able to say that he'd once saddled a dragon.

Ranma sighed as he contemplated the many avenues opening up before him. There was just so little time. Maybe living as long as Jiji wouldn't be so bad if he kept himself busy with the art. There was just no end to it!

Ukyo looked up from her tablet, picked up the creaking teapot and reluctantly threw warm water on the beast.

Ranma shrank, blinked, stretched and then almost fainted. He was stark naked.

Ukyo stood with a bright grin, staring avidly. Unfortunately she had used up her last disposable camera taking pictures of the dragon. "Oh, Ranchan," she said huskily, "you are _so_ fine."

"Grlk!" Flushing a brilliant full-body red, Ranma covered himself with his hands and then disappeared into the tree line so fast that there was a breeze. He hadn't been ready for the water and he was too embarrassed to remember how to unlock the ki fold.

"That's my Ranchan, poetry in high-speed motion." Ukyo packed her grill as quickly as possible and followed, hoping that she could get another good look.

-

"Squeeee!"

Ryouko opened the door to Washu's lab and then ducked back out of the way as the tiny black pig shot past her at near-supersonic velocity, plunging madly into the pantry door across from the appropriated broom closet.

"Ryog-

"Waaa! Look out!" Moving almost as fast, Mihoshi shot across the narrow hall and disappeared after the pig. She had a Mark XV nucleonic blaster in each hand.

Ryouko stumbled back against the wall and frowned. Perplexed, she stuck her head through the wall and looked into the tiny pantry, expecting anything but what she found.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Aghhhh!" Pulling her head free, Ryouko gaped down at her mother. "Whoa! Can Ryoga teleport?" The pantry had been empty.

"I wouldn't be very surprised by anything that Ryoga could do except for finding the bathroom, but enough about him." Washu grabbed her daughter's arm and dragged her inexorably into the foyer of the house. "Come on, Ryouko I have an address for Nodoka!"

"How did you find it?" The computer searches had gone nowhere. Ryouko was anxious to meet her sister, but didn't want to make the wrong sort of impression.

"They're in the phone book." Washu dragged Ryouko to the door. "Now be a good girl and teleport us to Tokyo."

"NO!" Ryouko shook herself free of Little Washu. "We can't meet Nodoka with you looking like that! What is she going to think when some hyperactive little kid jumps on her and claims to be her long lost mother?"

Washu looked frustrated and then abruptly grew into a beautiful redheaded twenty-something woman. Her clothing altered and grew with her. "Is this good enough for you?"

"You need to be older if you want her to believe you. We need to avoid the weird stuff, at least until she knows us a little and will listen to explanations." Ryouko crossed her arms, waiting. She knew that this could turn out to be a disaster of unimaginable proportions if Nodoka rejected them. She had never seen Washu so completely caught up in her emotions.

Washu frowned and then turned into a rather well preserved forty-something woman. "This is the upper limit, Ryouko."

"Huh. Not bad. Why do you want to go around as a kid anyway? That look is a lot more dignified." Ryouko closed her eyes and teleported them to the small park in front of Tokyo Tower.

"My brain is at its absolute best at that age." Washu consulted a train schedule and strode away toward the train station. "Come on, the next train is in six minutes."

"Where are we going?" Ryouko wondered why they didn't just teleport.

"Minato-ku." Washu grabbed her daughter's arm and dragged her along. "And we're taking the train in order to avoid drawing attention."

Guiltily, Ryouko lit on the ground and started walking. Maybe the staring crowd would dismiss it all as some sort of mass hallucination.

-

"Got you!" Setsuna hissed. Slowly, she raised her staff. One quick Dead Scream and at least this problem would be erased.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing, Setsuna?" Usagi stood on the steps, gaping. It looked very much like Pluto was planning on killing that ugly boy that they had met in Nerima. And what could he be doing here, sleeping in under a tree at Rei's shrine?"

Setsuna was so badly shocked that she dropped the staff, stumbling. "Princess! What are you doing here?" Usagi should be in school right now. She didn't miss a day until just before the semester ended. Nothing was right anymore.

Usagi put her foot on the staff, preventing Setsuna from picking it up. "That's not important right now, Setsuna. Answer me."

Pluto gritted her teeth. She knew that the girl would one day develop cunning and an iron will, but now was not the best time for that potential to begin to show. "That… _boy_ has ensorcelled Rei. He is a deadly threat to Crystal Tokyo and I am going to deal with that threat."

With great difficulty, Usagi picked up the garnet staff and slung it over her shoulder. "He looks harmless enough to me. You'd better not kill him, Setsuna. I'm warning you now, don't do it or we're quits."

Setsuna gritted her teeth. _Now_ of all times, Usagi's conscience had to make an appearance. "What about Rei? What are you going to do about Rei? She's been hit with a love potion and they've been screwing like there's no tomorrow, which by the way there _isn't _according to the gates of time." All it showed now was a blank. Saotome had utterly destroyed the predestined future.

Usagi blushed and then frowned. "But what about the spore? Why is she still here if the future that she came from doesn't exist anymore?" Usagi's daughter Rini, hailing from the future, was ensconced at her house, cat and all, twice as bratty and four times as annoying as ever.

"She was here when Chaos ruined everything and since nothing has happened to remove her from this time frame, she's still here." Setsuna sighed. She didn't want to give the little airhead a lecture on the dark side of probability and how a powerful enough source of chaos could completely negate any need for causality. "Instead of coming from a future, she came from thin air with all of her memories. In effect, she was born when she arrived, created by Chaos acting on probability."

"Chaos?" Usagi swallowed.

"Ran-ma _can_ be read as 'Wild Horse,' but 'ran' usually means _chaos._ The 'horse' part of his name, Ma, could be read as a modifier, meaning Chaos Untamed, or Chaos Horse. Whichever it is, chaos is his true name and chaos is at the very root of his nature." Setsuna scowled at the puny boy snoring under the bo tree. "It's too late to worry about it anyway. None of this is supposed to _be._ Chaos has changed everything. Everything!"

"But… He doesn't seem to want to hurt anyone!" Usagi was badly shaken, recalling another battle with an awful thing calling itself chaos. The rather handsome, if somewhat bratty Ranma was nothing like that awful destructive shadow.

"So? He destroyed Crystal Tokyo anyway, just by walking down the street." Setsuna scowled bitterly at the snoring Gosunkugi, stormed up to where he lay and kicked his leg. "You! Wake up right now!"

"Wha?" Gosunkugi blinked groggily, having been deeply asleep. "Mom?"

"I'm not your Mom! If I were your 'mom,' I'd have taken one look and flushed you down the toilet at birth!" Setsuna kicked him hard in the ribs to illustrate her point. "What have you done to Rei?"

Gosunkugi curled up into a ball. "N- Nothing! I swear, it wasn't my fault! She turned into Sailor Mars, dragged me here and made me get married to her after Kodachi threw some magic love dust on her! I had nothing to do with it. She was the one attacking ME when Kodachi got her!" He looked up to see how his explanations were being received, having instantly recognized more senshi.

"Bullshit!" Setsuna screamed, slapping him hard enough to make Usagi see stars. "How dare you accuse the Princess of Mars of anything, you loathsome dog!"

"Oooooow." Gosunkugi shook his head, staring at Setsuna's long legs. Why did beautiful women continually attack him? What god had he offended?

"Cretin! Foul magician! Dost mine eyes deceive me? Could it be that even now the excrescence Gosunkugi lures two more beautiful maidens into his foul web?" Kuno raised his bokken in a dramatic pose and a bolt of silver lightning split the blue sky. "The Blue Thunder will not permit such tragedy!"

"Holy ground! Holy ground!" Gosunkugi crabwalked backward, farther into the temple grounds. "Remember, you promised Rei!" Gosunkugi had been sitting under the tree, waiting for Kuno to give him a shot at escape, but he had fallen asleep and missed his opportunity.

"Mars Fire Ignite!" Rei arrived at a run, transformed and ready to have another go at frying Kuno.

Very casually, Kuno parried the fireball. "Dear Lady, as much as it pains me to see you reduced to such a pitiful state, I am honor bound to recognize this marriage as legitimate for as long as it lasts. Therefore, allow me to be the first to congratulate you upon your upcoming widowhood! I shall of course wait the customary time before paying court myself."

"Bully! Creep! You leave my little Smu-Smu alone!" Rei fired again, but had little effect.

"Kami sama!" Gosunkugi, hunched down with his arms over his head, winced at the nickname. He had to escape this madness!

Tatawaki sighed. "Alas, forasmuch as I have endeavored to respect the holy precinct, I must forgo the immediate visitation of heaven's rightful vengeance upon this lowly wretch and resume my patrol. These youma are indeed good sport, but their numbers are sadly lacking. Fortunately the True Samurai is appreciative of beauty and this blessed ward is well situated in that ladies of unearthly beauty so often present themselves to be gazed upon between bouts." He bowed to the ladies, as only a courtier born and bred can.

Pluto, standing in a hipshot pose, stared at him with a particularly sour hauteur while a blushing Usagi giggled inanely.

Kuno threw them a roguish grin as he mentally cataloged the giggling girl, marking her for a later follow up. He knew that any approach would be hopeless in the presence of her luscious green haired friend. "I bid thee farewell then, my precious beauties. Battle calls! And you may be perfectly assured that I will indeed 'catch you later,' Smu-Smu." Kuno turned and jumped onto a roof and then away.

Rei turned hostile eyes on her 'friends.' "This is my husband, Hikaru. Pluto, you so much as lay a finger on him and I swear by all that's holy that I'll find a way to get way more than even."

"H- husband?" Usagi frowned. "Him?"

Pluto shrugged, completely demoralized. "Whatever. It doesn't really matter now."

"Kami sama, beam me up now." Gosunkugi wondered if decapitation hurt worse than immolation. It was only a matter of time before Rei snapped out of it and fried him for having had her in so many degrading ways. She had some really strange fetishes for such a young girl and he had little choice but to comply with her increasingly deviant whims, with Kuno patrolling. He was trapped in an exquisite sort of hell and Kuno was insane enough to wait forever.

"Are you rested enough yet, Honey Bunny?" Rei took him by the ear and began tugging him enthusiastically in the direction of her bedroom. She had two lifetimes of repression to work off.

"Wait a minute, what youma?" Usagi blinked, tearing her eyes away from Rei. "The sword guy said that there were youma."

"Another negaverse kingdom is probing our world. We're supposed to be fighting the Prince of Diamond right now." Pluto was listless, unable to care. Everything was screwed.

"So… Who _is_ fighting him then?" Usagi was very worried.

-

"Anything Goes ultimate technique! Fierce god assault shot!" Genma spread his arms and a youma instantly shattered into dust under the vacuum blade. More demons poured through the portal to replace the dead ones.

Tiring, Genma took a deep breath. "Oh, so do you demons want some more? Then have a Demon God Mad Dance!"

More youma shattered, destroyed as fast as they arrived as an angry Genma fired vacuum blade after vacuum blade straight into the portal. The stupid thing had opened right above them and the first and shortest lived youma had landed on their grocery bag full of sake bottles, deeply upsetting Soun.

Genma finally stepped back and fell into a defensive stance to rest.

Soun sobbed, heartbrokenly, ignoring everything as he stared at the sake soaking into the dust. It reminded him of life, and how fragile life was. His youth had soaked away into the dust of time, stolen away first by The Master and finally by the death of his beautiful Kimiko. Now he didn't even have the gentle blessing of sake to help him forget. It was unendurable!

Prince Diamond emerged from the swirling space time portal, his cold eyes falling on the two ludicrous humans. He laughed, a deep, grating laugh. "Bow down and worship me little men and I may be inclined to consume you last."

Rage blossomed through Soun. "Excuse me, sir, was that your creature that has crushed my sake?"

"All that live on this world are my creatures now, manling." The demonic 'prince' grinned, contemplating the endless feast to come.

Genma glanced at his former training partner, broke out sweating and took a long, careful step back.

Soun narrowed furious eyes. "Sake is a holy substance, given man by the gods to help ease the sting of life! It is not for random crushing by stupid looking and ineffectual monsters! In the name of all drunkards, I WILL PUNISH YOU!"

"Eh?" The demon stepped back, eyes widening as Soun's head elongated into a terrifying snout, complete with an array of demonically sharp glowing teeth.

"Fierce God Assault Shot!" Genma blew away the flanking youma and then dived away out of range as Soun finally snapped.

The demon head was glassy eyed and reeking of sake, but it still bit Prince Diamond in half without much effort.

-

Half a block away to the south, Tetsuo shuddered convulsively. He'd thought himself to be following a pair of rather jolly, entirely harmless old drunks, and now _this_. Maybe he should just drop the case. Princess already had an army shadowing the two killers anyway. It was like being in an invisible parade.

-

On a nearby roof, Happosai puffed his pipe thoughtfully. His boys were still pretty good, even after the unconscionable slacking off that they had been doing. They had certainly destroyed that pathetic troop of minor demons quickly enough. Not that they could be trusted to safely handle the major arcana. They had sealed him before he could show them any of his truly powerful demon killing techniques. Indeed, neither had fully mastered the basic Anything Goes aura attack, although they had both come up with intriguing adaptations. Genma's two 'sealed' schools revealed a startling talent for improvisation.

Tapping out the pipe, Happosai nodded thoughtfully. Well, they were both still fairly young men after all. They were quickly approaching that time of life when a martial artist either lapsed into a feeble and final old age or else mastered himself enough to live on indefinitely, using his ki energy. Perhaps he should take a more active hand in things if demons were going to be attacking so regularly.

Soun and Genma, dancing around the carborundum dust of the dead youma and exchanging high fives, both stopped and shuddered, each hit with the same horrid premonition.

Genma saw the dreadful thing approaching first and swallowed, pointing with a shaking finger.

Soun looked and made a little despairing sound, reminiscent of a kitten trapped in a well.

"Boys! Good news, I have decided to continue your training!" Happosai bounced up grinning happily, already making plans to bring the two slackers up to par. "I had been waiting for Ranma to finish school before taking him for his mastership training, but that little display made me reconsider things. We can get you two sharpened up while we wait!"

It never once occurred to the awful old man to ask if his horror-stricken disciples wanted to be trained. The whole idea of asking any of them anything, Ranma included, would have scandalized him.

Eyes popping with terror, Soun and Genma made to leap blindly through the dimensional portal into some unknown hell, but it was already gone. They were trapped on the same planet with Happosai, a chilling realization that hadn't been too far from either man's thoughts since the awful day that the Master had returned.

-

"South. He's going south." Nabiki frowned at the compass. "What's south?"

"Kansai." Akane clenched her fists. "Ukyo's probably taking him to meet her clan. They'll get married right away."

"Ayagh! Then Spatula Girl make pretty corpse!" Shampoo clenched her own fists.

"And someone will have to be there to comfort poor heartbroken Ranma in his hour of need," said Nabiki, dreamily. She became aware of two furious gazes boring in on her and looked up to meet the eyes of first Shampoo and then Akane. "What? Oh, right. Akane will be there to comfort poor Ranma."

Cologne chuckled. "Now girls, you know that Ranma would never forgive such a thing. Indeed, the boy is sensitive enough to forgo women forever if he thinks that he must in order to protect you. This is a battle to be fought with wits and womanly charms. The first one to attack a rival loses."

"Yes, I will not tolerate that sort of hooliganism in my family." Nodoka, alarmed by the thought of a childless Ranma, ignored their sardonic looks. "Come, let's get moving. If we catch a train we can be in Kansai in four hours."

-

"Noooooo-chan! Nooooo-chan! Are you home? Oh, please be home!" Washu pushed open the door to the Saotome residence and rushed inside, neatly eluding Ryouko's frantic grab.

"Hey! Don't just go running in like that!" Ryouko followed, hoping to provide a fast explanation before her crazy mother completely alienated Nodoka with her insane behavior.

"She's not here!" Forgetting her older appearance, Washu stamped. "Where are you, Nodoka? Where are you!"

"Excuse me, but what are you two doing in Nodoka-san's home?" Yoko-san stood at the door, with the local representative of the neighborhood watch.

"Do you know where she went?" Washu was suddenly right in their faces, her posture one of near begging. "Please, I _must_ find her!"

Yoko-san stepped back, blinking in surprise. "Wh- I am not sure. Perhaps if you can explain your presence here, I may be able to help you."

"I am Nodoka's sister, Ryouko, and this is Nodoka's mother, Washu." Ryouko smiled and rose slightly off of the ground. "We have been looking for Nodoka for a long time."

"Oh." Mrs. Yoko frowned and then decided not to get involved. "I guess that's all right then. She may be at the Tendo residence, in Nerima. Her husband is staying there and she said something about taking a trip." She smiled, warily. "I am Yoko-san, the neighbor, and this is Ito-san, from the neighborhood watch."

Washu had dived for the phone book, frantically looking up Tendos the instant that the name had been mentioned.

Ryouko shrugged. "Pleased to-

There was a roar from the street and the two locals suddenly piled into the house, closing the door behind them.

"Youma!" Mr. Ito ran for the phone. "I must call the police!"

"Really? Why bother?" Ryouko smirked. "I'll just nip out and kill it and then we can be on our way!" She had wanted to kill a youma since seeing them on television. They were soulless, so it was no worse than fighting a robot.

"Hurry up then!" Washu cared nothing for youma, jumping from foot to foot as she waited for the phone.

"You can kill a youma?" Ito-san took in her alien features and the levitation. He swallowed, suddenly regretting his decision to hide in the house.

"Can I kill a youma?" Ryouko drew herself up. "I am the Most Wanted Space Pirate Ryouko, the bane of Empires, the crusher of fleets, the destroyer of armies, the eviscerator of-

"Hurry up!" Washu booted her through the wall and snatched the phone from Ito. "Stupid delays!"

Ryouko stumbled to a halt and then looked back, glaring. Finally shrugging, she turned, got a look at the youma and smirked. "Hello there, cutie, what's your name?"

"Rekta!" The youma stepped forward, raising a whiplike tentacle.

"I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!"

Ryouko grunted with surprise, turning to see a boy dressed in samurai armor approaching at a dead run.

"Eh?" Ryouko double-blinked as the boy slid to a halt, dramatically throwing himself between her and the youma.

"It is I, the Blue Thunder, defender of all fair maids! Have at thee, creature of evil!" Kuno lunged, his usual bokken replaced by a family katana reputed to have been blessed against evil by a goddess.

"Rekta!" The youma managed a lunge, before disappearing under the storm of katana strikes.

Ryouko blinked as the youma pieces turned into a cloud of dust. "Hey, that was my fight and-

There was a scream from further up the block.

"Duty calls, Beautiful One, but only such a strident call could compel the Blue Thunder to leave your side!" Kuno took off, again at a dead run.

Ryouko stared after him, dumbfounded, until she noticed the card fluttering down toward her. She picked it out of the air and read it, giggling.

Tatewaki Kuno

Hero!

Defender of Fair Maids

Destroyer of Evil Sorcerers

"I would date with thee!"

-

"What was that?" Washu frowned at the empty street.

"I… I'm not really sure." Ryoko stuffed the card into a pocket.

Not really caring, Washu grabbed her daughter by the wrist and dragged her along. "Come on, I know where she might be!"


	11. Chapter 11

Kasumi sighed disconsolately and surveyed the kitchen floor. It gleamed like never before, buffed to a brilliant luster in the dying evening light. The whole house was like that, cleaner than new.

Filling the kettle to the brim, she sat it on a low burner. It would be pleasant to have plenty of hot water ready when everyone came home.

Walking through the house, Kasumi carefully surveyed her domain, looking in vain for any sort of blemish. There were simply no chores left to do. Even Happosai's room had been deep cleaned, his enormous 'collection,' minus certain items that Kasumi had recognized as belonging to her sisters, laundered and neatly folded in their elaborate chests.

Kasumi looked at the clock and frowned. There was nothing even slightly out of place and no need to go to the market. She had never been left alone for so long before without at least some idea of when her family would return. No one had bothered to call and let her know what was happening.

Wandering by the laundry room utility closet, she eyed it thoughtfully and took a hopeful breath.

"Ryoga-kun?" She opened the door, but there was nothing inside but the usual precisely stowed cleaning supplies.

Kasumi sighed and her shoulders slumped.

-

Ukyo sighed at the beauty around her. There was the pea-green sea, booming and throwing tons of spray as it pounded relentlessly on the cliffs below, the majestic ranks of pine trees on the steep mountainside towering above and the sight of Ranchan's excellent butt framed by the evening sea-mist hanging along the coastal road in front of her. She rarely got to see her fill of these rare natural phenomena.

"Ay-UP!" Ranma suddenly leapt thirty feet straight up into the air, hung for a long minute and then came floating down slowly, a lurid purple ki aura sizzling dangerously around him.

"Alright! Go Ranchan! Woohoohoo! Ukyo capered by the side of the road as her glorious Ranchan once again proved conclusively that he was the only possible man for her.

Ranma touched down, scowling. "It's not right. Something is just… _missing."_

Ukyo jumped as he came down, hugging him tightly from behind. "You'll get it Ranchan! No way it could be as hard as turning yourself into a dragon!"

Blushing, unable to dislodge her, Ranma looked thoughtfully down at the aura that he generated. "Thanks, Ucchan. I'm gettin' better, but it's still takin' a whole lot more ki than Herb or Saffron ever used."

Ukyo sighed happily, reveling in his growing comfort with her physical closeness. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Ranchan, but both of those guys are kinda like magical mutants or something, descended from lots of cursed people, right?"

"Um, yeah, sort of. People and other things." Ranma frowned, wondering what she was getting at. Ucchan was smart and it always paid to listen to her.

Ukyo pulled her face out of his back, and frowned, thoughtfully. "So, what if it has something to do with the curse, Ranchan? A trick with the curse that they figured out, like the way that you figured out how to make it turn you into a dragon."

"Heyyyyy." Ranma grinned, eyes sparkling. "Hang on tight!" Suddenly leapt straight up, at least sixty feet, putting out a truly prodigious ki aura as they sank slowly back down. "That's it! It isn't just ki, it has to be both ki and magic!"

"Look over there! There's a campsite hidden on the rock shelf!" Ukyo snuggled against his back. The site was completely invisible from below, as well as being almost totally inaccessible by ordinary hikers. It would offer a place of total privacy to pitch her tent and tonight he would surely fall to her.

-

Akane looked closely at the toothpick floating in the rice bowl and concentrated.

Nabiki nodded encouragingly. "Just think about Ranma, and all of the things that you feel about him. Try to push those feelings into the water."

Shampoo, watching from the other side of the picnic table, grunted sourly. Given the massive profit potential involved, it was no surprise that the mercenary girl was after her Airen, but it was simply pitiful that Akane hadn't seemed to take any real notice.

"C'mon you big jerk, where are you hiding?" Akane was totally unconscious of her muttering. She just _knew_ that Ukyo was making her move. That perverted male lesbian would be all over her in either form.

Akane's nose leaked a drop of blood, which fell into the bowl.

Shampoo and Nabiki watched with sagging jaws as the water surrounding the toothpick suddenly glowed a brilliant blue and began to boil. Seconds later, the toothpick shot off to the south at a supersonic velocity.

"Wai!" Cologne fell off of her stick, dodging the missile.

"Our compass!" Nodoka was upset.

"I have more hair." Nabiki didn't miss Shampoo's suspiciously narrowed eyes. "I got it out of his comb."

"I have some toothpicks in my pack." Nodoka rummaged in her largish pack and found a toothpick. "Here you go, Nabiki dear."

"Thanks, Auntie." Nabiki produced a stick of waterproof quick drying glue and small plastic bag with smaller bags containing red and black hair samples in it. She carefully removed a tiny amount, jealously guarding it from the breeze and from her competitors at all times.

"Ranma Shampoo's husband! Ranma's hair rightfully belonging to Shampoo!" Shampoo stamped in frustration at not being free to teach these weak girls the necessity to properly fear their betters.

Nabiki shot her a look of some amusement. Shampoo was riding for a nasty fall if she thought that physical prowess was the deciding factor in most conflicts. "Ignoring for the moment the fact that your supposed marriage isn't at all legal in Japan, this particular hair may well have grown on Ranma's body, but it came to rest in my home. Title has passed."

Shampoo glared stubbornly, but although her initial assertion would have counted as a brilliant legal argument in Jocketzu village, it simply wasn't going to fly in the Kansai district of Honshu.

"Can I have some? It's my house too!" Akane considered her options. Finding Ranma was getting harder and harder. She had to learn this trick.

"Finders keepers. Go find the pointer that you just lost." Nabiki used her most heartless tone. Akane was going to have to get used to sharing, because Nabiki saw in the unlikely person of Ranma Saotome the keys to obtaining absolutely everything that she had ever wanted. She would either take him to her bed or else find another legal way to ensure that she exclusively managed his business affairs in perpetuity. There was no way that she was going to let him out of her life.

-

Mist. He was in a brightly misty place, a place of solid billowing fog. Ryoga amended that to steam when the curse abruptly triggered, returning him to his human form.

Grinding his teeth, Ryoga began whipping bandannas off of his head, tying them together in a practiced manner until he had a sort of breechclout and thong arrangement to wear. Peering around at the featureless steam, he advanced in a random direction, praying to every kami that he could remember not to drop him in the royal bathroom again.

Ryoga was completely unaware of Mihoshi emerging from the fog behind him. She aimed her right hand blaster at his spine, hesitated and then followed.

Sure, the boy was a shapeshifter, and the only shapeshifters that she knew of were from the interdicted planet of Hydlos V and thus automatically outlawed if they left home, but he hadn't become anything other than a pig and a naked man. The Hydlosians could take any form, including a patch of ground.

Then there was the startling fact that the only effect that her blasters had on him was to leave a small red mark that faded almost instantly. He was automatically a criminal for being on Earth, but maybe she could talk to him a bit before taking him in. Shapeshifter or not he had the finest butt that she had ever beheld on a humanoid.

Frowning, Mihoshi followed, walking along behind him with a blaster held in the manner of a prisoner escort, waiting for inspiration to strike. She could follow anyone, but he had almost lost her with a truly bewildering run through tunnels, across lava fields and ice floes. She was a bit lost.

-

"Where the_ hell_ am I now?" Ryoga gritted his teeth, anger and depression filling him. This was all Ranma's fault! Crazy women with nasty stinging ray-guns were not something that a clean living earth boy would run into without the help of Ranma's weird family! So now here he was, lost in the damn mist again.

Wait! Mist! Ryoga grimaced, looking around. Was this the cobweb forest? He hated the way that the witches always fell about laughing at him.

"Ranma! I'm going to smash you into jelly! This is all your fault!" Ryoga turned and stared into the photoreceptors of a robot. Complete surprise made him accept the drink that was thrust into his hand.

"Would sir care for anything else?"

Ryoga double blinked, then cleared his throat. "My clothes?"

"This unit can find no record of their location. Would sir accept a robe?" The robot opened a panel in its torso, removing a snowy white terrycloth robe,

"Ah… sure." Ryoga drank the beverage down. "Wow! That was really good!" He handed the empty glass back to the robot and put the robe on, immediately feeling much more confident. "Thanks!"

The robot immediately produced another glass, handing it to him. "Sir is quite welcome. Sir does not seem to be a registered guest. May this unit inquire as to sir's identity so that the record may be made complete?"

Ryoga frowned. "Are you asking my name?"

"If sir would care to give it."

Ryoga shrugged, draining the second glass. It was remarkably refreshing and the heat was making him very thirsty. "My name is Ryoga Hibiki."

The robot took the empty and provided a third glass, this one quite large. There was no record of a Ryoga Hibiki in the galactic database. The central planetary cybernetic system opened one on a pending basis.

"And Madame?"

Ryoga started with surprise, turned to see Mihoshi and her damned sting guns and then scowled.

"Mihoshi Kuramitsu." Reluctantly holstering her right hand blaster, she accepted a tall drink of her own. Like Ryoga, she found it overwhelmingly refreshing.

"Are you together?" The robot scanned, its sensors unable to penetrate the male's extraordinarily powerful energy field. The woman was already in the galactic databank as a GP detective.

"These drinks are pretty good." Ryoga was beginning to feel pretty mellow. Smiling, he downed another.

"He's my… my pris… Shay, what's in these drinsh?"

"It is a house specialty called Eros Elixir. It is completely safe for all known carbon based life forms. Would Sir and Madame care to enjoy a selection of our house specialties in a secluded private spring?"

"I din' know there were robots on Earth." Mihoshi licked her lips, looking at her prisoner. A certain heat was making itself known to her.

"Wha?" Ryoga felt his stomach growl. "Got any food?"

"Affirmative. There are a large variety of foods prepared for your perusal."

"Then lead on!" Ryoga felt happy for the first time in years.

-

"But, Master… I just can't do this!" wailed Soun. "I'm a married man!"

Happosai glared at him. "Stop that blubbering! Your wife is dead and gone, boy. I've buried many a wife and I know how it is. There comes a time when you have to let go and this is your time!"

Soun took a deep breath, invoking a meditation technique to calm himself. He had long known how to use the technique, but had never had the heart to use it. Unfortunately The Master was a great believer in the power of negative reinforcement and would soon give him a really good reason to cry if he didn't get himself in hand.

"But... to do such a thing! It's just wrong!" Soun was weak-kneed with terror. He hadn't ever once even considered such a thing in all of the years that Kimiko had been gone.

Happosai drew on his pipe. "That woman is drunk! Women only drink like that to get laid, boy. She's waiting for a studly young fellow like yourself to work up the courage to come and slip her the old salami. Now go buy her a drink and give her what she wants. After all, you only live once, unless you really work at it!"

"But Master-

"Go! Keep at it until you get some." Happosai regarded his descendent with shrewd old eyes. He could detect something of Yuka in Soun's face, but the poor fellow didn't seem to have his side of the family's abundant courage. It would take a lot of driving, a lot of confidence building on his part to get Soun back to his old self.

Watching Soun walk over to the bar, Genma sighed miserably, drinking his water. The master had put him on a diet. He couldn't tolerate alcohol and if he ate more than one small mouthful of food every three hours, he would instantly vomit it up. The only way that he would ever again regain the ability to eat and drink properly was to get the evil old bastard to release the pressure points.

Genma concentrated, keeping his voice respectful. "Master, please, I beg you to recall that I _am_ a very married man."

Happosai laughed. "Don't you forget it either, boy! Nodoka would have your pecker off and then your head, before you could blink. No, your task, my lard-assed apprentice, is to sweat yourself back down to a proper fighting trim. We'll go out and work on your aura control while Soun learns to score again."

Genma looked down into his glass, hiding his snarl. Happosai's training exercises were always viciously harsh. Kami above, how he regretted not using those extra bricks of TNT while sealing the Master all those years ago.

-

Don't blow it this time." Ryouko wished that there was a way to discreetly sedate Washu without having to pay a terrible price for it later.

"Oh, be here, Nodoka!" Washu was dancing from foot to foot, barely able to keep herself in check.

"Why didn't you just call?" Ryouko eyed her mother apprehensively.

"I couldn't get through. All the lines were busy due to the youma hysteria."

The door slid open and a rather beautiful young woman smiled radiantly out at them. "Hello. May I help you?"

Ryouko couldn't help smiling back. Hurriedly she spoke up before Washu could say or do something deranged. "Hello, we are Ryouko and Washu Hakubi, relative's of Nodoka Saotome. Is she here?"

"Aunty Nodoka is out with my sisters looking for Ranma right now, but I am sure that they will all be back soon. Would you care to come in for a while and wait?" Kasumi cocked her head curiously at Ryouko's slight levitation, but did not bother to mention it. Levitation was something that she had often seen before. Even Ranma could do it for very short periods.

Washu nodded rapidly, grabbing Ryoko's sleeve and moving forward. "We would be delighted!" She kicked off her shoes and donned house slippers, as Ryouko floated over the threshold and did the same. This is very decent of you, Miss…?"

"Oh! Please forgive my bad manners. I am Kasumi Tendo." Kasumi bowed politely.

Washu returned the bow. "Well then, Kasumi, my daughter and I are here to see my other daughter Nodoka and my grandson-daughter, Ranma."

"How nice it is to meet you! Aunty will be so pleased to see her family. It seems then that you are already aware of Ranma's curse?" Kasumi lead them into the dining room, showing them to a seat around the dining table. Fortunately the kettle sang out just in time.

"Oh yes, quite a fascinating morphogenic phenomenon. I have never seen anything quite like it. I will have to visit these pools of sorrow soon to see how the probability shift is initiated." Washu accepted a cup of tea and looked around the room, noting the few small signs of expertly repaired damage.

"I fear that your journey would be in vain then. Ranma inadvertently destroyed the springs last year." Kasumi sighed. Ranma was dear to her heart, but very messy.

Ryouko frowned. "He didn't tell me about that. Was that when he killed that phoenix god?"

Washu's hair toinged out.

Kasumi nodded sadly. "Oh, yes. Fortunately Saffron came back to life as a baby or I don't know what Ranma-kun would have done." She leaned forward, speaking in a confidential undertone, "He really is a very _sensitive_ boy, you know. He hates hurting people more than anything, even strange and evil people with wings."

Ryouko nodded her agreement. There was nothing of the bully in Ranma. In fact, as far as she could tell, he was psychologically bullied by almost everyone that he knew.

"Hmmm. I think that I'll get Katsuhito to pay these Phoenix people a visit." Washu thought that she could recall an ancient galactic race that resembled Kasumi's description. If they were here, then they were trespassing on the wrong planet. The penalty for trespassing on Earth was dire. Earth was a closely guarded protectorate of the Jurian Empire. Aliens were not to approach the system without the direct permission of the crown.

"Poor Ranma was very put out about the destruction of the springs. It may well have ended his chances of curing his curse." Kasumi shook her head, sadly.

"I don't think that he cares all that much about the curse anymore." Ryouko smiled. "He found out how to make it turn him into the most _gorgeous_ dragon that you could ever hope to see."

"Oh my! Not a girl? Aunty will be so pleased!" Kasumi looked around at the smallish room apprehensively. "Is Ranma-kun a very _large_ dragon?"

Ryouko nodded, understanding the girl's problem. "Oh, yeah. He's bigger than an African elephant, with _huge_ wings, teeth like daggers and claws like scimitars. He has to turn into his girl form first though, so he's not likely to ever change into that form by accident."

"How interesting! I can hardly wait to see him." Kasumi sighed in relief. The house would probably not survive an accidental Ranma-dragon, especially if there was a cat involved. "Aunty Nodoka won't be pleased to hear that he still turns into a girl, but I believe that she has finally become somewhat resigned to it."

"Why would my daughter care so much about the curse? He seems to deal with it alright." Washu was of course very interested in Ranma as one of her few living family members, but her daughter was her daughter.

"Well, she did have that outstanding seppuku contract with Ranma and Uncle Genma." Kasumi frowned, briefly. "Genma took Ranma on a ten-year training trip, and he promised in the contract to return with a manly son. The curse is not very manly, but fortunately Nodoka deemed Ranma to be a very manly sort in any form and did not force them to commit suicide."

"WHAT!" Two voices said as one.

Ryouko floated up into the air, gems gleaming. "A suicide contract! For Ranma? Is she completely whackers, or what?" The family already had enough loopyness.

"I believe that the original intent was to keep Uncle Genma in line." Kasumi sipped tea, not wanting to comment on the utter futility of trying to keep _any _master of the Anything Goes school in line.

"Well." Washu put her teacup down. "I see that I'm going to have to have a long talk with that girl." Part human or not, Nodoka was obviously far too young to be allowed out on her own.

-

Konatsu stood behind the desk, watching with interest as Kodachi perused the confidential files that they had stolen from the Ministry of Public Security.

She read at an inhuman rate, far faster than he could manage, the words scrolling by on the computer screen in a blur. He only caught the occasional name or phrase.

Covertly installing the special cellular modem card in Section Chief Sato's desktop computer had been quite challenging for Konatsu, but once it was in, Kodachi had been able to access and download the section's files.

Konatsu had of course removed the modem and all trace of his presence afterward, but he was unsure of the wisdom of this careful tradecraft. Now they couldn't access new information. The bureau seemed to be very amateurish about its own security and he doubted if Section Chief Sato would have ever noticed the new additions to his machine. A man that used '12345' as a password could not be the most computer savvy of people.

Kodachi stiffened, gasping. "Vile Sailor Senshi! Evil plotting villains! Despicable usurpers! Prating trulls, _I shall destroy you!" _

Konatsu blinked at this hot rage. He had never seen Kodachi truly angry before and he did not envy the persons that would be feeling that wrath. "Please, what has happened, Kodachi san?"

Kodachi gritted her teeth, reading on. "These girls are villainous beyond all bounds, Konatsu! They plot against the life and dynasty of _Tennō Heika_ himself! They mean to _destroy the entire world_ and leave only a remnant of the Tokyo population as their slaves, eternally damned to be controlled through vile and forbidden magics! Of course they wish to kill my Ranma! It makes perfect sense that any nest of traitors with such hideous plans should fear the righteous wrath of such a puissant hero."

"Are they immune to ordinary poisons?" Konatsu was confident that he could pick them off, but he could not do so without direct orders from his mistress.

Kodachi gave him a troubled glance. "Would that their removal was so simple. There are… complications. The government cannot trust them, but they may well have a vital part in the defense of our globe. As may Ranma and even ourselves."

"I see." Konatsu closed his eyes to consider. The government's interest was not overtly hostile then. Perhaps it was time to properly lay the matter before his mistress. "Can the Sailor Senshi be… diverted?" He had seen the results of some of Kodachi's diversions.

"Perhaps." Kodachi smirked. Sailor Mars had certainly been diverted. According to the report that she had seen, the senshi of fire was too busy enjoying the fiery attentions of her new husband to make trouble. On the other hand, the government was now taking a very pointed interest in her own innocent little greenhouse. A new gardener, a man with qualifications that were certainly too good to be true had solicited her major domo for work recently.

Standing, Kodachi gestured for Konatsu to take her place and read, as was his right under the terms of their alliance. "I must speak of this business with my Ranma-samma." The Ministry's latest report had placed him near Osaka, somewhat to the south of that city.

-

"I"LL KILL YOU IF IT TAKES THE DEATH OF THE WORLD! DEAD SCREAM!"

The beam of temporal destruction tore through the air, but bent gently around the Ancient Master as it encountered his aura.

Happosai dodged dramatically, savoring this invigorating new source of energy even as he landed on the green haired girl's ample bosoms. "Hotcha! It's a little long, but I do love the dress, sweetums!"

Setsuna gasped as the horrifying thing slid around to caress her butt. There was a sudden feeling of coolness as her panties were collected.

"YOU DARE!"

"Oh, the fine full-breasted firmness!" Happosai was back around to the front now, gently testing the melons and finding the sweet spots. "Oh the wonderful wonder bra! Come to Poppa!" Deftly, he removed it for later consideration.

Setsuna was so angry that she passed completely through the emotion, into a zen-like state of perfect calm. "Why are you doing this?"

"Well, if you must know, it's a test." Happosai snuggled deeper into his exquisite refuge.

"Why are you testing me?" Setsuna marveled at the pureness of her rage. It was positively invigorating!

"You?" Happosai laughed. "No need to test you! I'm testing lardbutt over there." He tweaked a nipple, pointing it to indicate a direction. "He is the best of my students, you see, as sorry as I am to admit it."

Setsuna looked up and saw Genma Saotome's horror stricken face peeping at her from around a corner.

"Genma!"

"Yes, Genma! My student! And he's seen you butt-naked!" Happosai suddenly flashed away from her, gone before her eyes could begin to track.

Genma's eyes bulged with pure terror as the first Dead Scream howled through the space that he had just managed to vacate. Cursing his master's evil genius, Genma desperately concentrated on trying to attune his outer aura to funnel the woman's destructive energy away from his vulnerable hide as he ran, dodging for his life.

-

"Aaah, yeah. That curry rice really hit the spot. Thanks!" Ranma rubbed his belly, settled himself more comfortably on the smooth stone by the fire and beamed happily across the fire at Ukyou.

Ukyo beamed back. "Anytime, Ranchan."

"Wow, Ucchan. I always knew that you could make a mean okonomiyaki, but I had no idea that you were such a great all-around cook!"

Ukyou's blush at this praise was undetectable in the firelight.

"You can't eat even the best okonomiyaki every single day of your life, Ranchan."

Ranma smiled. "I know that I could!" He immediately winced, realizing exactly what kind of straight line that he had just fed her.

"It could be arranged, Ranchan." Ukyou gave him a look that smoldered with far more heat than the dying campfire. "Marry me and you'll never miss another meal in your life."

Ranma sighed unhappily. It was a hugely persuasive inducement, but as always there were a host of insoluble problems holding him down. "I know what it is that you think that you want, Ucchan, but I just don't see what use I could be."

Ukyou frowned. "Use? What do you mean by _use,_ Ranchan?"

Ranma hunched down as if an invisible rain were beating down on him. "I mean, what good would I be to you? I just can't see myself spending my life as a waitress, getting groped all the time."

Ukyou grinned. "Oh, come on, Ranchan, I wouldn't grope you _that _much."

Ranma had to laugh. "I guess not. But still… I could never make myself into another Konatsu."

Ukyo looked at him, dumbfounded. "For kami sakes, Ranchan, no one expects that of you. Sure, it will be a blast going out together on the open road with a yatti ever so often, but on the whole I would rather not have you in my restaurant every day." She smiled apologetically. "I love you dearly, Ranchan, but you attract way too much craziness for a restaurant to handle. It's bad for business. Besides, I don't expect to run a restaurant all my life."

Ranma stared. "But… I thought that okonomiyaki was your art!"

Ukyo shrugged. "It is, but the art as it's been practiced is kind of limited. Besides, it is up to every generation to add to the art and I have big plans. I'm going to have to close the restaurant after I graduate."

"Really?" Ranma was dumbfounded. Ukyo, with no restaurant? It was unthinkable.

"I might get myself a yatti, just to keep my hand in occasionally, but I want to go to college and then get a post-graduate degree at a top business school." Ukyo looked coldly determined, the same expression that she wore before every serious challenge. "Okonomiyaki is a business, Ranchan. The logical progression from basic Okonomiyaki-Ninjitsu is obviously toward full fledged Business-Fu."

"Wow. You and Nabiki need to talk. I never knew that you were so ambitious." Ranma truly hated school and had no intention of going near a college anytime soon. They only taught useless stuff, things that you had to know in order to get a job pushing buttons. He was much more interested in working out how to fly, learning how magic worked and how to teleport around like Ryouko did. The Art was his life and it couldn't be lived or taught in a classroom.

"My father has been a cook all of his life and his father before him and so on for most of my clan to back before Menji. I'm sixteen years old, I have already mastered their art and I want more, Ranchan. I want to be more than just another small time okonomiyaki cook." Ukyo scrubbed her dirty dishes out with sand and then poked at the embers of the fire, settling her battered kettle on the wire hook hanging from the wooden tripod.

"What did you have in mind?" Ranma was interested. Ucchan had always seemed like such a static person, with a fixed purpose that inevitably led to a lifetime's work in small restaurant, but now he saw that she was very much on the move.

Ukyo smiled at him. "I like to try the okonomiyaki everywhere I go, Ranchan, and everywhere I go it's pretty bad. I want to open a special restaurant, a _teaching_ restaurant, where I can teach my partners the spirit of _real_ okonomiyaki."

"An okonomiyaki dojo?" Ranma blinked, imagining the rival okonomiyaki chefs bursting into each other's restaurants to battle it out for ultimate okonomiyaki supremacy. It would make for a really interesting meal.

"Exactly." Ukyo stood and came around the fire, collecting his dish. "When each of my students are ready, I'll award them rank in the school and then send them out to open their Ucchan's franchise in a new territory. Someday I'll just travel around full time and make sure that no one disgraces the Ucchan's name."

"Woah." Ranma gaped at her. It was true. Her okonomiyaki was excellent, much better than even her best competitor. "You'll be richer than Kodachi!"

Ukyo shrugged, smiling prettily at the compliment. Squatting down beside Ranma, she cleaned out his dish with sand, stacking them neatly with her own. "Okonomiyaki tastes better, is faster to make and a lot healthier than those awful gaijin hamburgers. People eat billions of hamburgers all over the world. I just don't see any end to the possibilities of okonomiyaki, Ranchan."

Ranma took a deep breath. "So… If we did get married, then what would I do?" He was speaking theoretically, having no notion of the trouble that such a question might set off.

Ukyo laughed with delight. "Why, whatever you want, Ranchan. Take me flying. Be my husband."

Ranma was deep in thought, trying to find a niche for himself in the dynamic vision of the future that she had evoked. "What could I do for you? What does a husband do, anyway?" Genma certainly didn't seem to do much for his mother beyond eating her food and dirtying her floors.

Ukyo abruptly tackled him, knocking him flat on his back with a long, searing kiss. Straddling him, she finally broke lip-lock, shook out her hair and smiled wickedly down at him. "I thought that you'd _never_ ask, Ranchan."

Ranma blinked up at her, stricken with lust, confusion and perhaps even the first true stirrings of love.

"The seal is gone! I am free!"

Ranma rolled to his feet, smoothly shifting Ukyo behind him. "We got company, Ucchan."

"Every damn time…" Ukyo glared malignantly at the shallow cave that they had built their fire in front of. Something or someone was going to pay, big time.

There was a shuffling sound and a large figure emerged from the cave, dressed in samurai armor. "You have released me!"

The ancient wooden seal, weathered to an unrecognizable twist, had been used as kindling for the fire.

"That you, Kuno?" Ranma peered in the weak firelight and saw that the figure was far too big and much too dead to be Kuno.

Ukyo swallowed with disgust at the mummified form in the armor. "Not unless he's recently had a real run of bad luck, Ranchan." Picking up her battle spatula, she stepped back from the cave, moving confidently to guard Ranchan's back while he dealt with the dead guy.

Ranma smirked at the pathetic revenant and then extended his senses toward it.

The creature was a flame of agony, an open sore on the ethereal plain. The darkness and suffering contained in the thing evoked a sort of power, a dark black band of cold evil destruction that gave off a familiar tang.

The smirk fell right off of Ranma's face. It was the Blue Devil all over again. Souls were being destroyed, sweated down to nothing and digested to provide the magic needed to maintain a semblance of life.

"You sick bastard."

The dead man laughed. "My pedigree is well known, so I take no offense. I will however eat your soul, little boy, and then I will _have_ your woman. Long has it been since a woman was properly sacrificed for my use."

Ukyo gagged.

Ranma blurred forward and shattered the creature's sword with a bakusai tenketsu palm strike against the blade. "I'm going to destroy you tonight, you know."

The creature stared at the stump of blade in its hand. Soul Drinker had taken the finest Chinese wizards that could be bought and over one thousand innocent human sacrifices to awaken to its purpose. "That… That was a noble sword!"

"Noble? You don't know what the word means." Ranma circled to the right, backing up, inviting it to come out of the cave.

"I am Lord Shikami, ruler of this province. By what right does a peasant presume to challenge me?" The litch was wishing mightily that it had waited for them to sleep.

Ranma smiled his special smile, provoking a hiss of hatred from the litch.

"I am Ranma Saotome, heir of the Musabetsu kakutō ryū. It is my duty and pleasure to kill things like you." Ranma reached out with the new senses that he had recently discovered and laboriously refined. Concentrating hard, ignoring the surging tide of ki that was eagerly waiting to immolate the disgusting thing, he clumsily used his spiritual aura to _nudge_ at the horrific magical construct.

There was a chorus of wails and first dozens, and then hundreds of ghostly figures suddenly boiled away from the lich, circling the campfire like huge moths.

The litch let out an unearthly scream, stumbling back a step. "Very well, schoolboy, let's see how you stand up to the dark!" It concentrated the evil that it had created, causing the fire to dim as the surrounding darkness grew unnaturally strong.

"Mōko Takabisha!" Ranma's brilliant blue bolt of ki blew the creature's legs off, causing the torso to land in the fire. He thought that the thing was attempting to use some sort of spirit-void technique. It was interesting and Ranma would have let it strike in order to fully evaluate the technique, but Ukyo might have been harmed. Besides, from what he had seen it could not be that much unlike the senshi's attacks, or Saffron's.

"Eeeeew! Eeeeeew! Eeeeeew! It touched my kettle, Ranchan! Eeeeeew! Don't let it roll on our stuff!" Ukyo decided on the spot to leave anything that the creature may have touched behind.

"Sorry, Ucchan." Ranma moved quickly forward, smoothly dodging the thrashing grabs of the brightly blazing litch. He gathered their gear at near- amaguriken speeds. Thoughtfully, he slipped past the torso into the cave to kick the twitching legs into the fire.

"Just leave the dishes, Ranchan." Greenish of complexion, Ukyo wasn't about to use anything that the disgusting thing might have gotten close to.

The litch finally subsided into a brightly burning mass, its dark evil seeming to boil off and feed the flames like a gas. Peering at the interstice between darkness and light, Ranma saw an open rock door illuminated by the firelight playing at the back of the cave. Pulling Ukyo's maglight out of her pack, he directed the powerful xenon beam inside the door.

"Hey, Ucchan, look! We found a hoard!" Ranma grinned. He was rich! Rotted, burst wooden barrels surrounded with disintegrating canvas bundles of huge golden Ryo coins were lying all around the tomb, mixed with jewels and other old fashioned valuables.

"Ranchan. Some… _people_ want to talk to you." Ukyo's voice was hoarse with stress.

Ranma frowned and hurried out of the cave. "Wha- Oh um, he-he. Hi there. I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

Ukyo was well away from the fire, not wanting to get any litch-smoke on her clothes, but she was gripping her spatula with white knuckles. There was an enormous crowd of wispy pale ghosts around the cave, all facing Ranma.

The ghost in the front, seeming to be an elderly man in the robes of an aristocrat, bowed deeply, going to his knees and then into a full kowtow. "There is no need for sorrow, or fear. Thou hast freed us from great suffering and the final death. We give thanks to thee, Ranma Saotome."

Ranma bowed back, embarrassed. "Come on, get up, Gramps. I'm not scared of ya. I've seen plenty of ghosts before. Sides, it's the duty of a martial artist to protect the weak. It was usin' you ghosts up to power itself, wasn't it?"

The specter stood, a smile on its face. It had some difficulty following Ranma's dialect, but finally indicated assent. "The accursed daimyo brought sorcerers from China, sacrificing hundreds of war prisoners and later hundreds more of his own subjects to enable the spells that let him linger on past death. We were trapped, repeating the shame and horror of our deaths over and over, our pain and terror his meat and drink for an eternity."

Ukyo, looking at the shattered _chokutō_ hilt on the ground, shook her head. "I'd say about eight hundred years, Sugar."

The ghost bowed his thanks in her direction. "We must move on now, lest we be trapped anew. Again, we thank thee both."

Ranma looked at the litch, now so much ash and scrap metal in the fire. "What about that thing? Is it gonna- _going to_ leave a ghost or a curse?"

The ghost looked at the fire with an angry snarl. "He hast destroyed his very soul casting the spell that held us. Never again will any part of our accursed daimyo exist. Let even his memory die."

Ranma nodded "Then who owns all of that gold in there?"

"Though virtue must assuredly be its own reward, it makes but a thin gruel for those still blessed with a stomach. Yonder trove is a just prize for thee, Ranma Saotome. Our undead daimyo spent centuries robbing from the peoples of this province before yonder cave was sealed. Thou hast fairly conquered the demon. None could begrudge thy lawful winnings. No living being hast the least claim." The specter faded, a contented smile on his face.

Trembling, Ukyo moved to stand beside him as each ghost approached, bowed to him and in turn faded. She took his arm as one young female ghost lingered briefly to run an admiring hand over Ranma's cheek, but she never showed true fear. Not until a blazing blue toothpick came arrowing out of the night to impale Ranma's right buttock.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hold still, Ranma-honey. I can't get at it if you tighten up." Ukyo grimaced as she probed, upset that she was unnecessarily hurting him because of the need for speed. Whoever had attacked them might do it again. Their new camp was at the farther end of the level area from their first, contaminated site. The new site was sheltered by some rocks, but they had no way of telling if anything else would come flying their way.

"Sorry, Ucchan." Ranma held himself rock steady as he lay across her rolled sleeping bag, butt protruding.

"I think that I've got it now." Regretting the circumstances in which she had finally gotten her hands on Ranchan's bare butt, Ukyo spread the skin apart with her fingers and caught the end of the projectile with her camping pliers. Pulling hard, she gradually worked the object free. It took a long time, because Ranma's muscular butt cheek was as dense as that of a bronze statue.

"Yeeeouch!" Ranma managed not to flinch as the projectile came free, but it really hurt.

"It's out. Let me patch you up." Ukyo was anxious to do a good job. It would be a crime to put a scar on something that nice.

"What the heck is it?" Ranma craned his neck, trying to catch a glimpse. He'd truly thought that he had been shot when it first hit. His twenty foot vertical leap and unearthly shriek had scared the remaining ghosts away and poor Ucchan had come close to fainting.

Ukyo frowned, poured a little water over the object from her canteen and then frowned harder in recognition. "It looks kind of like a… a toothpick."

"Really?" Ranma reached back and plucked it out of her hand. He held the bloody thing in front of his face, so that it was illuminated by their new fire. "What the hell? A hairy toothpick? Someone shot a hairy toothpick at me? I just don't get it."

"Hard to say, Ranchan." Ukyo's lips thinned with anger. It had to be that greedy little bitch Nabiki, but how had she gotten the pointer to home in on Ranma like that? More to the point, how close was she?

"It's got to be some kind of weird ki attack. Maybe I can get a reading on the left-over ki and find out who did this. Man, if it was Ryoga- Nah, he ain't that mean. This is more like something Mousse or Pantyhose-Boy would do. Whoever it was, he's gonna- _going to _get the ever-loving crap kicked- AAAAUUUUUGH! KAMISAMA!"

Ranma jerked in agony, rearing to his knees, accidentally flipping the toothpick into the fire.

Ukyo felt a huge pang of remorse, but she had really needed a distraction. "I'm so sorry, Ranma-honey, but this wound has to be disinfected and all I have is this crappy mercurochrome."

"Kami onna bicycle! Ya coulda warned a guy! That hurt worse than a red hot poker!" Ranma lay back down, subsiding into resentful mumbles as she cleaned the wound. Presently, he sighed. "I'm bein' a jerk again. Sorry about that, Ucchan. I don't know what I'd do without ya."

"That's okay, Ranma-honey, I understand." Ukyo smiled. She hadn't managed to do the deed, but she had certainly gotten much closer to Ranchan. In many ways it better that she hadn't gotten him prematurely. He was clearly growing quite fond of her.

"I'm really glad you're here. Thanks for helpin' me out, Ucchan." Ranma's sincerity was obvious.

Ukyo blinked back tears and hurriedly wiped her eyes, before he could look up. "Anytime, Ranchan. Anytime at all." She took a deep breath. "Look, this place is just… bad. I don't want to go to sleep here. You must be pretty tired after killing that thing, so take the bag and rest up. I'll just sit here by the rock and keep a lookout tonight." Ukyo taped on a thick pad of bandages and gave his unwounded cheek a sneaky little farewell rub.

"Nah. You need rest too, Ucchan and there ain't much choice of camping spots around here." They could sleep here, on the shoulder of the road below or on a near-vertical hillside.

Ranma pulled up his pants, stood and moved away from her. He poured some water on himself, changed into a girl and then shimmered into a huge, gleaming dragon.

Ranma continued in a deep gravely voice, "I'll sleep here, and you can sleep between me and the rocks. That way you won't get hit if that joker shoots another damn toothpick. I'd like to see 'im try and get me now!" His scales weren't like ordinary animal scales. They were made of some kind of metal and could probably stop an antitank round.

Ukyo felt her heart lift, looking up at the great beast. She could not bring herself to be afraid of anything with such a magnificent guardian attending her sleep. "Are you gonna be okay sleepin' like that, Ranchan?"

Ranma cocked his head, noting that his claws were longer now, their stygian black relieved with a silver sheen. They sliced into the rock that he stood on like butter. "I slept in this form when I first discovered it, Ucchan. I don't think us dragons move around much when we sleep, so you don't have ta worry about gettin' squashed. Don't worry! Nothin' livin' or dead is comin' through me tonight!"

Ranma's dragon brain worked a little differently than his human form's, and had automatically categorized Ucchan as the most valuable and vulnerable item of his hoard. Any threat to Ucchan would be annihilated without mercy.

-

Genma stood quietly as the demoness stalked past him, her staff out for instant shooting, furious eyes probing relentlessly. He devoutly hoped that the Master wouldn't consider his use of the Umisenken to end this pursuit to be cheating, but he had at last mastered the aura technique. She could not harm him with her energy blasts, so there was no reason to let her exhaust herself with rage. Besides, he needed a break to heal. The pain from her initial hit was still unbelievable.

"Nice." Happosai drew on his pipe, gazing admiringly after the beautiful woman. "I thought that I was finally rid of you for a while there, Genma, but you came through in the end."

Happi was well aware that Genma absorbed techniques nearly as quickly as his son, if pressed. That was the main reason that he tossed Genma headfirst into the pit of doom so often. It was the only way to truly _motivate _the lazy butterball.

Genma materialized, looking down at the master. The dirty rotten lousy old bastard had startled him badly. He hadn't truly believed Ranma when told of the umisenken's fatal weakness, but it was certainly no bar to the master. Genma was glad that he hadn't chanced using it in an attempt to assassinate the fearsome little pervert, as Tendo had urged.

"That was a bad thing to do to her, Master." Genma hated making unnecessary enemies.

Happosai shrugged. "Well now, I think that worse things may well happen to her yet, m'boy. The delectable Lady Pluto was getting ready to do for us all, but your boy seems to have joggled her elbow and ruined her scheme."

Genma frowned. The woman was powerful and the Saotome didn't need powerful enemies. "How do you know all this, Master?" He would never have dared to question Happosai in the old days, but times had changed.

Happosai smiled, without humor. "I visited one of the hells and beat it out of a demon." It was even true, after a fashion. The demon had foolishly tried to bluff on a pair of fives. It had recently redeemed its marker in valuable information.

Genma swallowed. The Master was horribly formidable. "Do you think that she would harm Nodoka?"

Happosai nodded. "She's definitely after Ranma, but I don't think that any Saotome, or even any practitioner of our school is out of bounds."

Genma looked down at his hands. Those hands had never struck a woman. Ranma would easily evade the woman, but Nodoka was not up to such a challenge. He did not want to stain his hands with this particular woman's blood, but if she were truly a danger to Nodoka…

"I have to find my wife." Genma forced himself to look the master in the eye. He would fight for his freedom.

Happosai grinned, somewhat pleased with this show of backbone. Now that he had learned the basics of aura absorption and control, Genma wouldn't rest until he had completely mastered it and developed a clever dodge or two based on it.

Knocking out the dottle of his pipe, Happosai inquired, "How will you manage that? Nodoka's no longer in Tokyo, you know."

Happosai kept tabs on Nodoka. His great grandson's daughter and her offspring had the strangest ki that he'd ever run across and he was very curious to see what could be made of it.

Genma narrowed his eyes. "She's probably after the boy. If I track down the boy, I'll find her."

"There's hope for you yet, Genma. Practice what you've learned tonight. You'll need it if you're going to keep up with Ranma!" Happosai laughed out loud. Genma had set himself to the task of keeping ahead of the boy, and although it was a futile hope in the long run, it would serve admirably to motivate the fat fool into fulfilling some of his potential.

"Have you been instructing the boy, master?" Genma devoutly prayed that Ranma hadn't picked up any of the master's more perverted ki absorption techniques. One unbeatable panty stealing demon was burden enough for the school to overcome.

Happosai snorted. "I give a little advice now and then, but that boy instructs himself. He reminds me a lot of myself at that age. Practice, Genma! I'll be testing you when next we meet, and it's the only way that you'll ever manage to stay a step ahead of Ranma!"

Genma blinked and Happosai was gone.

"Lousy old bastard."

His empty stomach growled, but there was nothing to be done. The Master was absolutely right about the need to humble the boy. Unwrapping his turban, he looked around carefully, then removed a small bundle tied into a corner of the cloth. It was a baby-tooth; one of Ranma's, drilled through bead-fashion so that a thin bit of fishing line could be run through and knotted.

Squatting, Genma dangled the tooth by the string, carefully noting the way that the tooth swayed. Centering his thoughts on Ranma, on his nearly boundless pride in the boy, he watched the pendulum swing, noting the direction that it was rocking.

North- South. Changing positions, he watched some more. Gradually, it began to circle, with a pronounced dip. The boy was certainly to the south east. Carefully re-caching his pendulum and retying the turban, he set out.

-

Soun sat sunk in gloom, knowing that there was no way that he could satisfy the master and return to his home. He had failed to approach the woman, or any woman in the bar. Even in his youth he had never been a lothario, not like Saotome. To expect a man such as he to approach some strange woman, to betray the sacred memory of his Kimiko, was simply too much to ask.

But the master had always asked too much. He had demanded everything that his disciples could give and then stepped it up again and again. The master was relentless, uncompromising and implacably ruthless in his demands. The old devil would soon return to punish him with some horrifying thing that would lose him his good name, his job on the city council and his standing in the community. And that would just be for openers. No one could possibly be as inventively cruel as the master when riled and nothing riled Happosai like failure.

Soun polished off another whiskey, his mind's eye wide open and staring into the hell that was his probable future. Soun coughed, and then felt the tears begin to drip down his face. Why did he ever do to deserve ending up under the thumb of that evil little monster? All Soun had ever wanted to do as a youth was to kill Saotome for the crime of toying with the heart of his beautiful Kimiko. Was that not a reasonable ambition at the time? What kami had he offended?

Soun gestured at the barman for another as he went over the bizarre chain of circumstance that had lead him to his present dilemma.

The Tendo family art had not been up to the challenge of dealing with the womanizing Saotome, so he had sought out the only master that could possibly help him achieve his goal. That the master had a terrible reputation and had also been Saotome's master had not troubled him at the time, but the hard part had come after he had foolishly signed the scroll that admitted him as a student in the school without first reading it.

There was no way that the contract could be legal. Not that Happosai would ever accept any legal argument that did not contain sufficient physical force to put him away for good. The clause that signed him and his progeny into the school 'unto the last generation' was probably unenforceable, but Soun was certain that the old man would use it as a pretext to pick and choose among his descendants with a fine disregard for any sort of legality.

No, the fact was that he had placed himself and his family under Happosai's rule voluntarily, in a vain effort to gain the power to crush the insufferable Saotome. Now Saotome was his truest friend and his closest confidant and they both slaved away at the master's evil whim. Could there be another person in the universe so stupid as he?

Something cold and wet suddenly splashed on his shoulder.

"Oh! I am _so_ sorry."

Soun looked around and froze, heart hammering. "K- Kimiko?" His heart, near to bursting, suddenly shriveled. She was taller, had red hair and a hint of a Eurasian cast to her face. How could he have possibly mistaken her for his wonderful Kimiko?

The woman cocked her head, seeing the tears. "No, the name is Beryl." She peered at him. "Are you all right, mister…" She trailed off, interrogatively.

"Tendo. Soun Tendo." Soun sighed. "I am as alright as I will ever be again in this life." He smiled sadly at her, feeling a sudden rush of warmth. Few bothered to ask him that anymore. "May I buy you a fresh drink, miss?"

"Okay, but you'll have to tell me all about your problems. It wouldn't do to drink with a stranger!" Beryl sat, suddenly happy. She had not spoken with a regular human in ages, and those had always been scheming nobles. Before Metallia had snared her, she had been renowned for her ability to relate to her common subjects. After her long ordeal as a demonic puppet it would be good to hear of the small, harmless problems of the little people.

Soun gestured at the bartender, a lad that had briefly studied at the Tendo Dojo the last time that Soun had tried teaching.

The bartender quickly brought fresh drinks, glad to have an excuse to give Beryl's prominent breasts an unobtrusive close up inspection.

"Will there be anything else, ma'am?" The bartender was itching to flirt, but Soun was a crusty old devil and horribly dangerous after a few drinks.

"That will be all." Beryl was enjoying the freedom of her hard-won anonymity, but she would not allow such impertinence from a menial.

The bartender, properly chastised, withdrew to a safe distance.

"I don't like him." Soun, very much aware of the bartender's faux-pa, felt the urge to twist the fellow into a pretzel.

Beryl looked at him closely, and then smiled. It seemed that she had one knight left to her after all. "Never mind, Soun-dear. Now tell me, what is this terrible problem that has you in such a state?" Perhaps she could help.

Soun toyed with his drink, sighed, and then decided to tell her nothing the absolute truth. Lying was too hard. "Because I was a jealous young fool, I heedlessly sold my life and the lives of my yet unborn family to a horrible old demon in exchange for tremendous, but ultimately useless power. Now I am trapped in his coils along with my entire family and I can see no exit for myself."

He looked up to see how she would take it, just in time to receive the mouthful of atomized vodka martini that she blew into his face.

-

Ryoga was the first to wake. Gasping with thirst, he sat up and made the effort to pry his gummy eyes open. He was in a huge round soft bed, with pillows piled all around him. Peering around at the too-white marble room, he spied a low table with huge pitcher of ice water sitting on it.

Wriggling his way out of the clingy sheets and making his way to the edge, he fell wretchedly to the floor, head spinning. Gasping, he crawled around aimlessly until he bumped into the table. Convulsively, he grabbed the pitcher, sat on the floor and drank the whole thing in seconds.

He sat there for a time, re hydrating and waiting for his head to stop pounding. Grunting with effort, he hauled himself into a chair.

Ryoga stared listlessly at his surroundings, unable to recall much beyond getting shot by Mihoshi the previous evening. The room was enormous, with a steaming marble pool right in the middle of the floor. A door on one wall was open, revealing what he vaguely recognized as some sort of bathroom.

Standing shakily, he took ten uncertain steps, fell into the hot pool, lay in it face down for a time, then swam to the other side and clambered out. Somewhat refreshed, he staggered into the bathroom and closed the door.

A shape, completely covered by the bedding and camouflaged by the numerous pillows, heaved itself upright on the bed. After a long period of aimless flailing, the bedcover was pulled aside to reveal a horribly hungover and stark naked Mihoshi.

"R-Ryoga?" Her voice was a rusty gurgle. She had finally caught him, but it all turned into a blur after that. Looking at her wrist, she noted the broken handcuff dangling uselessly from its chain.

Spying the pitcher, she crawled eagerly to the edge of the bed, fell out and then staggered noisily to the table. Cursing horribly at the empty pitcher, she drank the little that had melted from the ice and then ate the ice.

Spying the bathroom, Mihoshi shakily walked over to it, opened the door and filled the pitcher from the sink.

Drinking her fill, she climbed gratefully into the soni-clean unit. She had to recover, report her quarry's existence to headquarters and then get back on the trespassing shapeshifter's trail.

-

"WAKE UP!" Luna howled in her charge's ear, but the snoring blond simply rolled over, coincidentally knocking the cat off of the bed, just as she had the previous five times.

Luna sighed, then used a paw to flip open the Sailor Communicator.

Pluto glared poisonously out at her, causing the cat to jump. "Where is she?"

"Asleep. I can't get her to wake up." Luna's heart quailed at Pluto's expression. It had to be bad.

"Did you try biting her?" Pluto's fury was a living thing, crackling around her in an eerie red corona.

Luna was shocked. "No, and I'm not going to either! She's the_ princess!"_

"I need help." Setsuna hated the very thought of asking for help, but it was her only option.

"Is it an attack? A new enemy?" Luna felt a frission of fear.

"Happosai." Pluto gritted her teeth. "He took the Time Key and my fuku. I'm hiding in a boiler room at the Sugoni Building."

"But…" Luna tried to reconcile Usagi's 'perverted evil martial arts troll' with something capable of stripping Puto and failed. "Why did it leave you alive? And with a communicator?"

Pluto slumped, knowing the answer. Happosai would be back, over and over. Her underwear would never be safe again. She straightened, glaring. "Never mind! Just get me some clothes!"

"Can't you teleport to-

"NO! He took the henshin rod and then blocked my planetary power with some kind of… _moxibustion._ I can feel the power, but I just can't access it!" Setsuna's sailor powers were largely passive in nature, keeping her healthy and young. Those were still working, but her ability to actively call on her planetary power had been blocked. Without the time key, she was almost as helpless as an ordinary human.

"I'll call around and see if I can track anyone down."

"No one is answering their communicator." Pluto was livid.

"It's early, Pluto, and the ringer on these things isn't very loud. I'll try getting someone on the phone." Luna hated dealing with the clumsy, inelegant communicators of the modern era, but she had done it before.

-

Akane woke just before dawn. It was cold in the tent, so she put on her gi inside of her sleeping bag before wriggling out. Thoughtfully, she threw the empty bag over Nabiki, who murmured gratefully and dropped back into her usual deep sleep.

The park restroom only had cold water, but Akane washed her face and hands anyway, grinning at the thought of Shampoo trying it. Going back to the fire pit, she poked at the embers and fed them until there was a good fire going. Filling the kettle, she hung it on the tripod over the fire, moved away from the camp and in the predawn light began her morning stretching exercises. After a time, she moved on to her warm-up kata.

The kata was very like what her father had taught her, but the crucial difference had been pioneered by Ranma. Anything Goes was not even remotely a woman's art, its moves not designed for a woman's body or chi. Ranma had recast the whole of the art to suit his female body and had been teaching her that version in his father's highly effective fashion.

Concentrating on the perfection of each move instead of trying to exaggerate her speed and power, she was completely unaware of just how much she had improved under Ranma's seemingly casual taunting.

-

"And that, my heir, is why we need Ranma in the tribe." said Cologne, in an undertone. "That is Musabetsu Kakutō Ryū as it should be, revised for our use by Ranma in her cursed form. We will take this gift and make it our own." She grinned. "The old thief will not be pleased when he finds that we have at last collected on the debt that he owes our tribe."

Shampoo laughed with delight. To count coup on the only male powerful enough to escape Amazon justice, 'The Ancient Enemy of the Amazon Nation,' would be a tremendous deed for a young warrior.

Cologne and Shampoo stood quietly watching the Tendo girl, each marveling at the grace that she displayed.

When she had first arrived in Nerima, Shampoo had seen the girl's clumsy, rigid, unbalanced kata and had instantly dismissed her as a serious martial artist. Now she had to rethink that dismissal. There could be no doubt that after 'sparring' with Ranma every day for a year, Akane Tendo was rather good.

A huge smile spread over Shampoo's face as she imagined the superlative skill and power of her future daughters, growing up with her, Ranma and Great-Great Grandmother's instruction. Thinking of her husband, she began her own warm up. There was nothing like a good hard morning fight to make one's breakfast taste better.

-

Ukyo woke to the smell of fish. Sitting up, she saw two sea bass lying cleaned skewered and ready to cook by the fire. Ranma, in female form, was on the far side of the platform, flinging the last of the litch's armor far out over the road and cliffs below, into the cleansing sea.

Climbing out of her sleeping bag, Ukyo stood, stretched, yawned, put her shoes on and dug her spices out of her pack. Good fresh caught fish like that shouldn't sit for long.

"Good morning, Ranchan!"

"Morning, Ucchan." Ranma walked over with the kettle and put it on the new fire. "I got breakfast."

"Thanks." Ukyo grimaced at the kettle. "Um, Ranchan, I don't think that we should use that anymore."

Ranma grinned at her. "I flew down and washed it out in the sea this morning. I even scrubbed it out with sand. There isn't any corpse dust on it or in it."

"You went flying without me?" Ukyo pouted. "I'm just not going to use that kettle again, Ranchan. Not for anything." Ukyo had high standards.

Ranma shrugged. "You were tired and dragons don't need much sleep. I'm not gonna- _going to_ make tea, Ucchan, just heat some water to change back. Besides, that thing probably touched all of the gold some time. I'm sure you won't want to turn down your half."

"Gold? Oh, yeah. But… _my_ half?" Very worried, Ukyo grasped the tiny redhead around her thin arms by the biceps, staring anxiously down into her eyes. Was this some attempt to make restitution for the lost dowry? Was Ranchan trying to get_ rid_ of her? "That's an awful lot of money, Ranchan. Why would you want to _give _half of it to me?"

Ranma smiled happily up at her best friend. "I'm not giving anything, Ucchan. It's already yours. We're partners, right? You found this place and you were there the whole time, guarding my back in the fight. You deserve it as much as I do."

Ukyo was overwhelmed, squealing with delight.

"Ucch- mph." Ranma was suddenly dangling helplessly from Ukyo's embrace, being kissed with great thoroughness. After a period of ineffectual kicking and wriggling, she began to enjoy it. Ucchan wasn't quite so inventive a kisser as Shampoo, but there was a careful gentleness in her touch that Shampoo lacked. Ranma simply submitted, even kissing back after a time.

Finally, Ukyo ran out of air and set the smaller girl back on her feet. "Thank you, Ranchan!"

Blushing, Ranma shrugged. "Nothin' to thank me for. Like I said, we're partners. You did your part."

Ukyo pulled the other girl closer, looking down into her eyes. "I'm just so happy to be your partner, Ranchan." She hugged her friend tightly. Ukyo was nearly as much of a loner as Ranma and had often dreamed of this sort of intimacy.

Ranma sighed, briefly resting her head on Ucchan's arm, finding it difficult to resist the tenderness of her friend's embrace. Hugs were hard to come by in any form and the existence of that kind of comfort had almost been forgotten.

Ukyo smiled over her fiancé turned fiancée's head. She had made an interesting discovery, namely that Ranchan loved to be held and petted.

After a moment, Ranma began to get restive. What if someone saw? But what could she do? Ukyo was well over a head taller than she was as well as being considerably stronger. Ucchan could easily dominate the girl form, unless Ranma wanted to use the art. "Damn but this girl body is small."

"But nice." Taking the hint, a grinning Ukyo let her go. "Maybe we ought to avoid using the word 'partners' when we're both girls, Ranchan. People might get the wrong idea."

Ranma blinked, cluelessly. "Uh, okay. Here's what I got out of the cave last night." She reached into her ki warp and came out with Happosai's box, then her fiddle, and finally a big canvas wrapped bundle of oblong golden Ryo coins. "I picked up a couple of these bags-

With a glad cry, Ukyo opened the box and quickly gobbled down a half dozen of the chocolates.

"Ucchan! Be CAREFUL with that! It's _magic!"_ Worriedly, Ranma snatched the box, clapped on the lid and stuffed it back into the ki warp. The box was trouble. She briefly considered throwing it after the armor, but that might piss off Happosai.

"If it was going to hurt me it would already have happened." Ukyo picked up the violin. "Is this yours, Ranchan? I didn't know that you liked music."

"Uh, yeah. I got it last week." She cleared her throat. "Um, that rock door in the cave closed last night. There's no seam or nothin', so I think it's got some kind of magic on it. I can't figure out how to get it open again without breaking it. I thought I should talk to you before I did that."

Ukyo nodded. "Good! I say leave it for now, Ranchan. That much gold will cause us nothing but trouble. I mean, what if Nabiki found out? She would never stop trying to get her hands on it. A magic door in a hidden cave is probably better for us right now than the best bank vault in all of Japan."

Ranma hunched. She would probably find herself crammed into a tuxedo and trapped forever as Mr. Nabiki ten seconds after Nabiki discovered what they had found.

"Oh, yeah. That would be bad."

Ukyo picked up the bag, hefted it and smiled brightly. "This is plenty, Ranma-honey. There's more than enough college money right here. Let's just let the rest ride until we're in a position to exploit it. Someone would take it all away from us if we pulled it out of there now."

"Okay."

Ranma knew nothing about handling money beyond hiding what little that she ever got under a rock in the yard, away from Nabiki and Pops. Ucchan ran her own business, handled money, owned property and had investments, so she spoke with an authority that Ranma was not about to challenge. Besides, having a secret hoard gave her dragon-form a certain peace of mind. Ranma just hoped that Ucchan wouldn't be too disappointed about her not going to college.

"Now, Ranma-honey, as soon as I get this fish cooked, how about teaching me that ki fold trick?" Ukyo could hardly wait. It would compliment her art to no end!

"Sure!" Ranma poured warm water on herself, triggered the curse and grinned with relief. "I'll show you something about ki that ya might not know about."

-

Shampoo dodged a backfist, twisted fluidly and attacked with a leg sweep, not overly surprised when Akane jumped over it and launched another difficult to anticipate series of attacks, pressing Shampoo hard. Akane wasn't really all that fast, but she was shockingly unpredictable. The twisting, pattern-free, chaotic nature of the basic Anything Goes style was very difficult to defend against. The nature of the style wasn't at all obvious to Shampoo when watching one of Ranma's lightning-quick fights, but an Anything Goes fighter below her own level gave her an excellent overview.

Akane kept her mind clear, not thinking of much at all, just letting the imperatives of the style itself move her body. It had taken untold hours of futile swinging at Ranma to achieve this odd sort of mindlessness and many more hours of contemplation to comprehend the true strangeness of her achievement.

Happosai, surprised at her glimmer of insight, had been willing to enlighten her in exchange for her only lacy pair of underwear.

The ancient pervert had designed the art to exaggerate the fog and confusion of battle, a comfortable environment that he found quite congenial. Anything Goes was a smoothly harmonious collection of seemingly incompatible moves, moves that could be used seamlessly, randomly, without thought or preparation. Putting away all strategies and allowing the chaos inherent in the art to usurp the body was the true heart of Anything Goes.

Her excitement at the prospect of finally understanding, of finally reaching such a rarified level, caused Akane to try too hard. Her attempt to control the fight lost her the vital connection. She stumbled into a powerful combination of blows that she lacked the speed to block, finally falling beaten to the ground.

Shampoo grinned down at her, almost un-mussed. "Kitchen Destroyer all done?"

Akane nodded, suddenly aware of her exhaustion. She was a wreck. Standing, face stoic, Akane bowed to the victor. "Thank you for the match." She consoled herself with the fact that she could rinse off with cold water in the park restroom, while Shampoo would have to content herself with a sponge bath.

Returning the bow, Shampoo beamed with delight. It had been far too long since she had a decent sparring partner. "Much welcome! Was too-too good fight! Fight again tomorrow?" Shampoo had learned much about her Airen's art.

"If you like." Flattered, Akane smiled back. She hurt, but it was a good sort of hurt. Akane had enjoyed herself.

"Way to go Akane!" A mussed Nabiki clapped, pleased that her sister seemed to be moving up in the martial arts world once again. It would calm her down and make for a less stressful life all around. Akane had been a seething mass of frustration since the day that Ranma had shown up and destroyed her illusions about her abilities.

"Well, I did lose." Akane smiled happily at her sister and then limped away for the restroom.

"That was quite impressive." Nodoka beamed at the group, very proud that such girls thought enough of her son to pursue him with such unwavering vigor. "Tell me, Nabiki, do you follow any martial art?"

Nabiki laughed at the idea. She vastly preferred the Mental Arts. Those arts kept one out of the crossfire while enabling one to totally dominate the offending martial artist. "No, Auntie, I gave all of that up years ago. I just practice a bit of Tai Chi for exercise."

Nodoka frowned. "Such a pity. I would have thought that Soun would-

"Tai Chi is a very powerful martial art," interrupted Cologne. "Not an Amazon art, but a worthy art all the same. I often practice the forms myself."

"Mother taught Kasumi and I when we were little. We took classes to learn more later, but Akane never got interested." Nabiki blinked. "We used to practice pushing hands every morning, but somehow we sort of… overlooked it and quit just before Ranma arrived."

"A pity, given the opportunity that you have had over the year. You would be hard pressed to find a better instructor in that art than the Son in Law, child." Cologne had seen Ranma warming up with the forms before. They were an integral part of his art.

"Genma is a master of that style." Nodoka sighed, wishing that her fat fool of a husband would simply open a dojo and instruct in Tai Chi, Kung Fu or even plain-vanilla Karate. He had valid diplomas from highly respected schools of all three arts, but he always discounted them as worthless, too dazzled by Happosai's stupid panty-stealing art to understand that martial arts was a _business._ No one with a choice would ever _want_ to learn Anything Goes. Tai Chi was for exercise. Anything Goes was for slaughtering inconvenient gods.

-

"Hikaru? Wake up, Darling."

Gosunkugi opened his eyes, staring blankly at the exhaustion hazed ceiling. "Huh?"

"Pluto's in trouble, Hiki-chan. Won't you please come along to help me rescue her?" Rei's eyes shown with love and trust. He was her true knight and companion.

Gosunkugi's eyes widened. "What about Kuno?"

"He got arrested last night for slicing through one of the legs of Tokyo Tower." Rei smiled, happily. That was one irritating chore postponed. "It was on the radio."

"Huh. He-he. Good. Uh, Pluto? Isn't that Mickey Mouse-san's dog?"

Hikaru was not exactly firing on all cylinders and the Senshi of Time had been introduced to him as 'Setsuna,' after all.

Rei laughed and laughed as she pulled off his tattered boxers.

-

Thirty minutes later Gosunkugi stood leaning with his forehead braced against the shower wall, gasping with exhaustion. He had expected to die when Kodachi's potion wore off, but it was looking like the spell or whatever it was could last a long time. That meant nothing; his date with death was probably just as certain. Still, a short but exhausting life as the humble sex slave and househusband of the Senshi of Mars was probably better than the long dark ride into ignominy that he'd always dreaded.

Forcing himself to action, Gosunkugi straightened, picked up the soap and winced as he carefully began washing his somewhat chaffed person. He had often considered the manner of his death, envisioning various drama and pathos laden scenarios that would somehow provide enough glory to redeem the leaden weight of his friendless, monochrome existence, but he had never once in his wildest dreams ever conceived that he might end up being screwed to death by a magical girl.

"Hurry up, Hiki-chan!" Rei swept the shower curtain aside and smiled wickedly, running her eyes lasciviously over his soapy body.

Hikaru groaned. "Come on, Rei, for the love of the kami, give me some rest. Besides, if you start again then your friend won't get rescued until tonight."

"She's not really all _that _good a friend, but… I guess that you're right, Love Monkey." Rei pouted with disappointment, but his skin was turning all gray again. Maybe he needed a little time, and some fish oil pills in his diet. "We are definitely taking a shower, just as soon as we get home though."

Gosunkugi sighed. There was only one option that was open to him, only one option that would ever be open to him. "Yes, Dear."


	13. Chapter 13

"This is great, Kasumi." Ryoko ate with obvious enjoyment of both the food and the good company.

"Why, thank you. I suppose that I do well enough, but this simple breakfast isn't exactly gourmet food." Kasumi was quite pleased at the complements. Her family took her somewhat for granted.

"Thank you again for your kindness, Kasumi. Letting us have a room for the night and this fine breakfast is truly good of you." In truth, Washu hadn't slept much and had barely tasted her food. She was on pins and needles over her daughter.

"It is the least that I could do. After all, we may well become family if Ranma marries Akane." Kasumi smiled dazzlingly at them.

"I'd like that. This Akane must be a real stunner if he picked her over you." Washu personally thought that her grandson had badly missed the boat on this one.

Kasumi laughed nervously. "Akane had mobs of boys fighting for dates until Ranma scared them away. I never had that problem." It was true. The boys in high school had always sort of glazed over, started convulsing and then fainted whenever she tried to talk to them. Boys and men could be very peculiar.

The phone rang and Washu's eyes fixed on it with total concentration.

Kasumi picked up the cordless handset. For the sake of her guests she had carried it into the dining room just in case Nabiki called.

"Tendo Residence. Moshi-moshi!" Kasumi smiled reassuringly at her guests.

"Hello, Oneechan, Nabiki here. We're all fine. We camped near Ryusendo Cave last night and we'll be heading south after Ranma soon. Just thought that I'd check in. How are things there?"

"Everything is just fine, Nabiki. Is father or aunty Nodoka with you?"

"Father isn't with us, but auntie is about twenty meters away, showing Akane and Shampoo some kendo moves. Did you know that she was a Kendoka?"

"Uncle Genma mentioned it to father once. I believe that they called her 'Banzai' Hakubi." Kasumi knew that Nodoka much enjoyed playing the part of the helpless Japanese flower around her 'manly' husband, but she also knew that Nodoka had been a national finalist in the women's kendo competitions back in high school. She had seen her profile in one of Tatewaki's kendo magazines.

"Can you put auntie Nodoka on? She has some very important visitors-

Kasumi looked up and saw Washu having some sort of fit. Ryoko was holding her back, covering her mouth and shaking her head wildly.

"Wait, maybe it would be better for them to meet face to face. Can we set up a meeting?"

Washu suddenly broke free and snatched the phone. "Hello, where are you right now?"

Nabiki was somewhat taken aback by this strange demand, but she answered civilly. "At a small campground, about two kilometers south of Ryusendo Cave. Why?"

"You tell Nodoka to _stay right there._ We'll be with you in about twenty minutes." Washu hung up and turned to Ryoko. "Go get Ryo-ohki!" Turning to Kasumi, she inquired, "Would you like to come, Kasumi?"

-

"Waaaahahahaha! Waaaahahahaha! Woooooooooweeeee! Oh, Kami-sama, how I love flying!" Ukyo drummed her heels on the dragon and whooped like the rowdiest of the cowboys in the westerns.

"Ucchan, I don't know if my revised umisenken can hide a person riding on my back, so you might not want to yell like that." Ranma was nervous, staying low and hopefully below the radar. There was no telling what might get shot at an innocent dragon. Was he supposed to have some kind of license to fly? How could he get one? Was there a test? "I suck at tests," muttered Ranma. How he hated civilization and all of its stupid little rules.

Leaning out, Ukyo looked down and sniggered. "If they could see you then they'd _all _be running, Ranchan. Besides, no one will say a word about it even if they do see you. Everyone knows that dragons find irritating people crunchy and good with ketchup."

"Kuno must be really tasty then." Ranma flew on for a couple of wingbeats and then groaned. "Oh, man, I can't believe that I just thought that. I think I'm gonna be sick." Ranma swallowed, multiple stomachs rebelling at the idea.

"Now _that_ will make them look up." He had eaten enough fish to fill a tuna boat. Scanning the ground, Ukyo spotted Nabiki and then Shampoo. She frowned, hoping that Ranma would miss them due to this gastrointestinal distraction.

"Hey, there's mom! Mom! Hey, Mom!" Without thinking, Ranma power-dived for the ground.

Nodoka looked up and fell down on her bottom with a yelp. A huge, glittering-gold dragon was swooping straight at her!

Cologne gasped and vanished.

Nabiki's hair toinged out. "D- d- d- d- DRAGON!" She wanted to run, but sheer terror caused her to stand like her feet were nailed to the ground.

"Ayeeeeeee!" Shampoo started to run, but abruptly stopped, frowning. "What Spatula Girl doing riding on dragon?"

"Ukyo?" Akane, who had been staring in total open-mouthed disbelief, double-blinked.

The dragon passed close overhead, banking around for another run. It side-slipped, flared its wings and then pancaked clumsily into the ground, almost bouncing Ukyo off.

Ukyo caught her breath, looked down at the gaping competition and grinned. "Hiya."

The dragon wheezed painfully. The landings were getting better, but it was still hard to judge where his feet were when he was coming in.

"Wow! That's a really nice dragon that you have there, Ukyo." Akane had once saved Ranma from the orochi, so she didn't totally fear the great lizard, although it looked stronger faster and much smarter than the clumsy, stupid, slow thing in the spring.

"Where Spatula Girl get too-too cool dragon?" Shampoo was absolutely ablaze with the rankest envy.

"Yes," Ukyo laughed at their dumbfounded expressions. "Ranchan really is a _very_ nice dragon." She leaned forward to kiss a golden-scaled neck. It was much like kissing an anvil. "And too-too cool, besides."

"T-that's Ranma?" Nabiki almost had an orgasm imagining the endorsement deals that she could get. "What happened, did he get a new curse?" She wanted to know if there was a cursed spring or anything like one around the area so that she could stay far away.

"Ranchan knows some magic now. He figured out how to make his curse change him into other things besides a girl." Ukyo spoke proudly.

"Ayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah." Shampoo was huge eyed, absolutely awed.

"Hiya, Mom, girls," said the dragon, having finally recovered his breath from the painful landing.

"It can talk!" The dragon was worth millions. No, billions! Maybe TRILLIONS! Nabiki started sweating heavily and then DID have an orgasm.

"Aieeeeeeee! My son is so manly that he's a dragon!" Nodoka, fists clasped together against her cheek, looked ready to faint with pride.

Shampoo glared enviously at Ukyo, and then shot an appealing look at the magnificent golden dragon that was her beloved husband. "Airen teach Shampoo how to be girl-dragon?" Shampoo really didn't mind being a cat that much, but she would much prefer to be something large and powerful enough to scour the Musk out of existence.

The dragon sweat-dropped. "Uh, sure, Shampoo. I suppose it would be possible, but you'll have to master aura sight and the Hiryu Shoten Ha first, so that you can see the ki-form."

"I wanna be a dragon too!" Akane finally broke out of her awed staring.

"Sorry, Sugar, but you have to have the curse." Ukyo ground her teeth. Was it possible to deliberately curse herself? She had a feeling that if she did, she wouldn't get to choose.

"I got dipped in one of those stupid springs too! It isn't fair!" Akane glared, seething with pure jealousy. Why hadn't she been dipped into a really _good _spring? Spring of drowned boy would have worked. Then she could rip off all of 'Ranko's' clothes and give the sexy little tease exactly what she deser- Akane's mind instantly cut off that line of thought and deleted it from her conscious memory.

Cologne shimmered into sight in front of Shampoo. The Saotomes had been far too free with the 'sealed' technique to expect it to still be a secret. "If you took the pattern from the Hiyru Shoten Ha, then why have you taken the form of a great golden dragon of the _west_, Son in Law?" demanded the old crone. This was New Lore, and she intended to place every last bit of it in the archives.

The dragon jumped, startled. "Aha! Gha! Ghoul!"

Cologne promptly whacked the dragon across the nose with her staff, causing him to sneeze. The resulting actinic flash incinerated a largish tree.

"Woah, that's never happened before." Ranma snuffed experimentally, aiming carefully at a tree well away from the group. "It wasn't hot and it wasn't anything like ki. I wonder what it was?"

Sasuke scrambled out of the chosen tree and ran away, screaming in terror.

"That little weasel was following us all along!" Akane clenched her fists. Kodachi would be along soon. It was really too bad that Ranma hadn't fried him.

Ranma shook his head disappointedly when he couldn't repeat his cool new move. "Guess I'm outa gas or something."

"Are you going to answer my question, Son in Law?" Cologne was almost dazed. This was unprecedented. The boy was a sorcerer! A true magic user! The tribe HAD to have his genes. There could be no surrender. The council would show no mercy. Shampoo would win him or face execution for treason.

"What que- oh, the western dragon body." Ranma obligingly lowered his scaly neck to let Akane, Shampoo, Nabiki and his mother have a turn marveling over the cool, metallic feel of his scales.

"Well, I used a variation that I came up with a while back. I make the hot and cold chi by myself and just let the wind pick up the opponent. When I do it that way, the chi aura is in the form of this western type winged dragon."

Cologne nodded, slowly. She had done something like that years ago, but she hadn't seen much of a use for it. It was a wasteful technique. "Not a very useful technique for battle though, is it, Son in Law? You are expending your energy instead of using the enemy's own energies against him." That was the essence of the Art.

"It's really great for cleanin' up the yard though." Ranma had actually invented the technique to get out of raking leaves. "An' along with thebakusa tenketsu and Pop's vacuum claws, you can use it to bore out a first-rate sleepin' cave real fast."

"I-

A rather chunky form, blurring along at a speed that belied its seeming flab, appeared out of a patch of nothing and punched the dragon in the head.

It made a metallic 'CLANG,' exactly like a large steel sledge hammer hitting a large iron pole.

The dragon instantly collapsed, cold-cocked.

"Yaha! Dragon whiskers!" Genma tore out a handful and stuffed them into his hot-water thermos, capping it and shaking vigorously. Counting rapidly to ten, he uncapped the bottle of Dragon Whisker Soup and noisily proceeded to guzzle the contents down.

"Aahhhh!" Flinging the empty bottle carelessly aside, Genma ripped off his filthy turban and felt his scalp carefully, brows beetled with concentration. "Strange, it should work very quickly an-

Ukyo got up from where she had fallen, anxiously checked the dragon's breathing and then shot a laser glare of utter hatred at the man.

Genma, ignoring the unimportant actions of the women, concentrated on his purpose. Hair sprouted, glorious hair, in ragged patches at first. It quickly grew into a luxuriant mass that passed his collar before halting its growth well down his back.

"YES! HAIR! Thank you, Kami, I got hair again! NEVER GONNA BE BALD AGAIN! NEVER GONNA BE BALD AGAIN! AAAA-HAHAHA! HAIR! HAIR! I GOT HAIR! HAIR! HAIR! I GOT HAIR! HAIR! HAIR! I GOT HAIR!" Genma chanted, dancing a wild leaping sort of victory dance, tossing his long, luxuriously thick and perfect locks about in time with his chant.

SHING!

Genma gasped and then froze with horror as cool air once again caressed his bare scalp. His tears of joy became tears of dismay as he felt in vain for the luxuriant locks. Swallowing, he looked down, seeing them on the ground. He raised his eyes to behold a beet-red Nodoka, trembling with fury, standing with the Saotome honor blade bared.

"Why have you _struck _my son?" Nodoka was NOT VERY HAPPY with Genma. Her mild blue eyes now glowed a solid, horrifying scarlet.

"Your son?" Genma looked at the dragon, focused on its face, looked back at his wife and swallowed hard. This was bad.

"Oops."

"Mother in Law fix hair problem very soon!" Shampoo smiled maliciously. If the Mother in Law was contemplating an Amazon divorce, Shampoo would be sure to have the traditional gold plated, spiral chased drinking cup made from the skull and to present it to the Mother in Law as a pleasant memento of this quest.

"Ha! He's getting off easy. I'd have already chopped his fat stupid _head _right off of his fat stupid_ body," _spat Ukyo, holding her spatula in a position very suggestive of one seriously contemplating sudden, violent and final action. "Genma, you utter _moron."_

"Baka. You left yourself wide open to that." Akane had turned her attention to the dragon, feeling the jaw and checking for permanent damage. She wouldn't miss Genma much, but Akane prayed that Ranma wasn't going to suddenly wake up without a father. She knew that deep down, he loved and respected his 'oyaji' just as much as she loved her own father, as unlikely as it seemed.

Shampoo and Cologne backed politely out of splatter range and the rest of the girls followed suit. Ukyo reluctantly holstered her spatula and joined Akane in checking the unconscious dragon's head for untoward damage.

"Hehe. Hehehehe." Genma smiled winningly, looked his wife firmly and confidently in the eye, raised a finger, opened his mouth to speak and then broke for the tree-line like a human bullet.

"Oh no you _don't,_ Saotome!" Nodoka, quite conversant with that particular variation of the 'Saotome Secret Technique,' was instantly upon him. She kept right up, the merest half-step behind, her blade wailing demonically as it wind-milled after his frantically dodging form.

Akane stared. "I didn't know that aunty was _that_ good. Look, she even knows Kuno-baka's air pressure trick!"

Nabiki watched the unusual thing closely for a second, before turning her attention back to the _impossible_ thing lying unconscious before her. Thoughtfully, she plucked a couple of dragon whiskers. "She's not really trying to kill him or else he would already be dead."

Shampoo jumped up and down, giggling and clapping with pleasure as Nodoka tripped Genma up and then proceeded to administer an absolutely merciless beating with the flat of her sword. "Mother in Law _fast!_ Could be great warrior!"

"Quite the formidable woman for this place and time." Cologne pursed her lips in frustration, noting that Genma had learned Happosai's accursed aura trick. As usual, there was no hint of how it was accomplished. The Lore of The Enemy stated that Happosai's technique was known to render one almost completely invulnerable to any sort of physical or ki-based attack, witch is why the tribe had given up on killing the old wretch. Based on the fact that he wasn't being driven into the soft ground, Cologne could tell that Genma was using his aura to redirect the kinetic energy of his wife's strikes around him, all the while blubbering like a man undergoing a terrible punishment.

Cologne glared, wishing that she could bring the duplicitous male to the justice that he deserved for the terrible crime of deceiving his wife. Such deception was like breathing to one of his ilk. No doubt the panda would hold this 'beating' over his devoted wife for years, playing her for a fool. She just_ had_ to get Ranma back to the village before Happosai completely ruined his sweet nature.

-

Ryoga, uncharacteristically clad in a long brown raincoat, jeans, tennis shoes and a black cotton tee shirt, sat on bus stop bench and licked the last trace of hot mustard from his knuckle, appreciatively belching up a horridly onion-tainted miasma.

The eleven Super Dogs had hit the spot. In spite of considerable time spent searching, it wasn't often that he managed to find this particular hot dog stand and he made the most of it whenever he could.

Ryoga had entered what he thought was a shower in that weird robot hotel and had suddenly found himself standing in the familiar, dank old shower room of the Union Mission on Coney Island.

His old friend Father O'Malley had greeted him like a long-lost son, providing him with clothes, a fine breakfast and some pocket money in exchange for his story. Neither had been able to make much of the aliens or the robots, but the good father had promised to pray for him.

Feeling rather pleased, Ryoga wiped his mouth with a paper napkin, stuffed his garbage into a nearby can and then bowed respectfully to the great blue-green goddess looming in the distance. It never hurt to court good luck. He almost hated to leave, but he had things to do, places to go, Ranma to crush. Following the sidewalk, he came upon the subway entrance and descended to find his way past the trains into the deeper service tunnels. The subway tunnels were the fastest way that he knew of to get back to Tokyo. After all, they were all connected together down there.

-

"There is no record of Guest Hibiki's departure."

"Then where_ is _he?" Mihoshi clutched at her temples. What the heck had she been drinking? Not only had she blacked out, a good portion of the previous evening had fallen right down the memory hole.

"The last location on file for Guest Hibiki is the bathroom of the White Suite." The data terminal had no inflection to its speech, unlike the servitor robots.

"Well he's not in there now!" Mihoshi hated arguing with machines.

"Guest Hibiki is no longer within scanning range." The terminal hummed and a new, less obviously synthetic voice addressed her.

"Detective… Kuramitsu, is it? This is Hotar Vetog, sector security chief for the Lyrin Hotel Group. Do you have time for a short interview over breakfast?"

"Lyrin? As in the famous galactic chain?" Mihoshi blinked several times. Were they doing business on Earth now?

Vetog responded, cautiously. "Yes, that's us. I am somewhat surprised that you would seek to confirm that, Detective. Our resort worlds are famously exclusive venues after all."

Mihoshi _looked_ around the room for the first time, noting the galactic technology in use in the warm pool. Water flowed in on one side and out on the other, but not as it would in a Terran hotel. Humans still used _pipes_ for water delivery. "Is this that engineered hot spring world? Singla V?" She felt numb with shock. Ryoga could teleport over _interstellar_ distances? What the heck WAS he?

"Does that mean that you do not know where you are?" Vetog wasn't surprised. There was no sign of the two on any manifest of any ship that had landed in many months. The detective and her new husband had simply appeared in the resort area and availed themselves of the amenities. It was not supposed to be possible. Clearly they had been dumped on the surface after a kidnapping. He needed to know how the kidnappers had breached the hotel's extensive security.

"I- Of course I know where I am." Mihoshi frowned. "I'll be ready in about twenty minutes." She cut the connection and pulled the white puffball from her uniform hip, throwing it down so that it reverted into her control cube. She needed to call her ship, talk to HQ and then blast for Earth, where she would at last apprehend the shape-shifting alien enigma called Ryoga Hibiki once and for all! No one ever escaped Mihoshi. The forces of law and order could never relent!

-

"Guard! That man is armed! What the hell is is the meaning of this?" Deputy Warder Senjuro Hayashi stared with disbelief at the fully armed and armored samurai in the holding cell. He looked like something straight out of the edo period. The samurai was sitting cross legged, katana held across one knee, ignoring his surroundings completely while apparently meditating.

A guard approached, looking warily into the cell. He spoke, softly. "He woke up about an hour ago. Now he's meditating. It's best not to disturb him."

Hayashi goggled at the man. "Have you lost your senses?"

"Did you just come on duty?" The guard swallowed. This idiot hadn't read the morning report. "He was brought in by two female park police during the night shift. The word is that he could chop his way out of there and through us all just like a lawnmower through so much dry grass, so we decided to leave him the hell alone."

The deputy warder took a deep breath to calm down. Opening his mouth to order the lunatic disarmed, the guard suspended and an investigation into who had allowed this disgraceful breach of jail regulations to occur, he was interrupted by the samurai briskly swinging open the cell door.

"I have completed my morning contemplation and must leave you now, my friends." Kuno, a master of the art of invincible obtusity, hadn't the least clue that he was a prisoner. "Might I bid farewell to my beautiful hostesses?"

"I am afraid that they had to go back on duty, but won't you have some breakfast before you go?" The guard smiled in a hopeful and very friendly way.

"Ah! So is duty truly heavier than a mountain to deprive such free-spirited and generously endowed maidens of the pleasures of my company. Still, needs must as the devil will. I must thank you two gentlemen, whose names remain unknown to me, for the noble hospitality of this house and accept your invitation to break the fast, for as all warriors must know, the obliteration of demonic foulness and oppression is not to be attempted upon an empty stomach! Lead on, my friends, but I must warn you; the youma run free and duty calls! I must soon be away to the hunt!"

Hayashi turned beet red with rage when the guard slapped him on the back of the head during Kuno's self absorbed soliloquy. He turned dead white with terror when he actually read the piece of paper that the guard jammed into his face, with one name circled. It was THE LIST. What _maniac_ had brought one of them in? It was probably those two busty policewomen, the two who were always arresting perverts in the parks. Criminals lined up, hoping to be handcuffed by them.

He swallowed, looked at Kuno and then managed a sickly smile. "Your servant sir, Senjuro Hayashi. I trust that the bed was comfortable enough? Please, come right this way to our humble cafeteria."

They had to get this maniac out before he destroyed the jail or worse, before the Security Ministry found out about it and fired them all.

-

"How are we going to get in?" Rei held tightly onto Gosunkugi's arm, glaring at the security guard in the lobby. The firm had tightened security considerably since discovering the damage left by Setsuna and Happosai. They had tried, but had been turned away when they couldn't explain their business in the building.

Gosunkugi considered his options. "I can get in there." No one ever saw him unless he let them.

Rei looked at him doubtfully, but marriage was all about trust after all. "Are you sure that you'll be okay?"

Gos shrugged. "If Happosai hit her with a moxibustion and took her power away then all that she can really do is slap me again. I guess that the security guards could have me arrested for trespassing if I get caught, but if they did, they would have to tell their bosses that they had failed to keep me out. Worse case, I'll be in for a slapping, a court fine or I'll just get thrown out of the building. No big deal." He could always go ahead and tell them the truth and let them find the naked woman hiding in their boiler room. He doubted if they would bother about him after that.

"She _slapped _you? Why didn't you tell me? That _bitch_ better not do it again!" Sailor Mars glared at the building, considering just walking away. What did she really owe Pluto, anyway? _Usagi_ was the _princess._ Pluto was probably another man hater, like all of the rest of the adult outers. Rei just _knew_ that the toxic bitch wanted to get rid of her little snuggle monkey.

Gosunkugi gave her a brave smile and hefted the gym bag. "I suppose that it wouldn't do to leave a lady in distress." This was his chance at escape, or at least for some solid rest.

"Oh, I love you so _much!"_ Rei kissed him, holding tightly.

Gosunkugi's smile flickered guiltily. "I'm just going down some stairs, Rei. No worries, right?"

"This will be the first time that I've been alone since the wedding!" Rei started to sniffle, clinging to him.

"That was only two days ago, Rei." Gosunkugi, reminded of the circumstances of his 'wedding,' swallowed nervously. What if his absence caused the spell to wear off? Then she _and_ Pluto would come after him, with all of their magical guns a-blazing. There was no getting around it. He had to see Kodachi and find out exactly what had been done to Rei and what the prognosis was. The uncertainty of it all was going to kill him faster than she might.

"But… I'll miss you!" Rei started to bawl, attracting a curious knot of female onlookers.

"Well I never!" An older woman frowned at him.

"The cad!" Her daughter looked very inclined to kick.

"Boys are such jerks!"

Gosunkugi looked at the hostile females ringing him and felt a pang of nostalgia for his old life, when women simply didn't see him at all. "Look, Rei, I'd better get going. You'll be okay." Gently detaching himself, he found a gap in the crowd.

"But-

He gave her hand a comforting squeeze and then slipped away, letting the small crowd of women trying to comfort Rei obscure him. Crossing the street and cutting down an alley, Gos walked all the way around the building and slipped into the front doors behind a delivery person. The guard glanced at him, but forgot about him almost instantly.

Slipping by the security desk and through an open stairway door, Gosunkugi smiled to himself. He still had it.

-

"Oh, my!" Kasumi stared up at the crystalline spaceship. They were aliens! From space! "Are you sure that you have the right Nodoka?"

"Yes." Ryoko smiled. "We checked Ranma's DNA. I only have three living relatives, Kasumi. Washu, Nodoka and Ranma. Four, if you count Ranma's girl form."

Kasumi tried not to gasp when the gravity went funny, and largely succeeded. She made conversation to cover her nervousness as she was drawn up into the alien ship. "How ever did you come to visit our little world?"

Ryoko shrugged, secretly impressed by Kasumi's ironclad sangfroid. "I came to this world many centuries ago. I was trapped in suspended animation until very recently."

"Centuries? Is that why Nodoka seems to be is so… well preserved?" Nodoka's extreme youthfulness was not something that had gotten by Kasumi's sharp eyes.

"We are a long lived family. Washu is over 40,000 earth years old. It would not surprise me to find out that Nodoka's lifespan was comparable."

Kasumi marveled at the idea of such a lifespan. "Such a long lived species must have an incomparably different society. What is your home planet like?"

Ryoko shrugged. "The closest thing to a home planet that I have is Jurai and it is populated by ordinary humans, people that would not stand out at all here. Washu isn't really human."

"How… " Kasumi was confused. Washu sounded like a Kami to her, but could a Kami so completely forget her place and take up a life among ordinary mortal men?

"Washu is _old._ She remembers 40,000 earth years, but she admits that she's forgotten a lot more. How old she is, no one can say. She has long since forgotten her origins." Ryoko smiled at the human girl. "In any case, Nodoka and Ranma will live for many, many years." Her smile widened as she passed through the deck. Nodoka would _have_ to live for a long time to learn how to deal with Washu.


	14. Chapter 14

Gosunkugi made his way to the boiler room and looked around. There was no sign of any woman. He hoped that it wasn't some sort of a trap. Pluto was definitely out to get him, but then who wasn't these days?

"Pluto-san? This is Hikaru, Rei's ah… husband. Are you there? I brought clothing for you."

"Don't call me that where someone might hear! Just leave the clothes and get the hell out!"

Gosunkugi frowned uncertainly, dumped the grocery sack full of old clothes on the floor and then noticed a steel equipment locker with its door hanging slightly open.

"Er… Are you in there?"

"Yes! Just go!" Setsuna was feeling pretty crowded. There was a floor buffer that was pressing her in an uncomfortable place.

"I can't. Someone might come down the hall and there's no place to hide out there, even for me. I'll just turn my back." Gosunkugi turned, and then swallowed nervously. His talent for being overlooked wasn't good enough for loitering.

Setsuna glared, padded out and picked up the clothes. The enemy thought that she was defeated, but her little locker-break had been invaluable. She had calmed down, swallowed her rage and considered her goals. After ten thousand years she had almost despaired, but Queen Serenity wouldn't have chosen Setsuna if Setsuna knew how to give up. This setback was still just barely manageable. She might not have the advantage of detailed foreknowledge gained from the time gate, but she still knew in general terms how the timeline should unfold. It would be infinitely harder, but the Kingdom would live again!

The blouse was a little tight and the skirt a bit short, but she was finally dressed. Narrowing her eyes, she considered hitting Gosunkugi in the back of the head with the hammer that she had found in the locker.

"Can I turn around now?" Gosunkugi hated having his back to her. From what Rei had told him, she was dangerously crazy.

"You may." Setsuna eyed him coolly, deciding that there was always a later. He represented an unacceptable distortion in the timeline as well as a violation of the Queen's Regulations, but one that could be dealt with at leisure. The senshi were not permitted to form outside attachments, but Rei would tire of such an unprepossessing specimen in time. Until then, she would try to make use of him to learn more of the being called Happosai. He was also a convenient handle on Rei.

Gosunkugi turned and swallowed. She was crazy-mean, but Pluto was also supermodel hot. Not that he needed any more of that sort of heat in his life.

"Are you going to be alright without me?"

Pluto snorted contemptuously, brushing him aside as she walked out of the door.

Shrugging, Gosunkug followed her to the stairs, but exited at the next fire door, leaving the building via the loading dock instead of going out the front doors. Now was his chance!

-

Soun woke, feeling the bed rock. He yawned, smiled and opened his eyes. "Kimiko?"

"That's what you kept calling me last night."

Soun's head whipped around and he stared. An astonishingly beautiful, oddly ageless Eurasian woman stood framed against the curtains, her long cascade of red hair floating spectrally at ankle length, flowing and rippling like a river of fire. She wore nothing but a big smile.

"Gak!" Soun's eyes bugged out as a few details of the previous night emerged. He recalled being far gone with drink and talking with her at the bar. Things faded to a sort of naked blur at that point, although a few vivid mental snapshots remained. He could feel that he had used a good deal of ki last night, so this woman should have no complaints. Soun, not so happily married in his youth, had used the skills that he had gained in the martial arts to develop his own art, a _marital_ art that was meant only for Kimiko. Together they had explored this new art form until they had been nearly as one. Now he had betrayed her, had forever destroyed the sacred bond that had tethered him to the past.

Oddly, he felt no impulse to cry.

"Well, I hope that you like what you see." The woman laughed at his befuddled expression and then shook out her hair, a long and involved process. "I had quite a lovely time last night, Soun. You must be one of the most talented men on earth. Thank you."

"Er… um, you're quite welcome… Beryl." Blinking several times, he desperately recalled the etiquette that he had learned in such situations his younger days. It would not do to send her away without at least giving her breakfast. Sitting up, he cleared his throat. "Would you care to join me for some breakfast?"

"Perhaps after we shower." She turned and smiled invitingly over the creamy skin of her shoulder at him. "Won't you come along and help me with my hair?"

-

Huffing and puffing, Nodoka let her sword hang for a long moment, resting her tired arm. Genma took a good deal of beating.

Genma, comfortably situated on the ground at her feet, in a position that his art called 'the closed gate,' peeked up at his tired wife, fondly admiring the play of muscles along her back.

"Would you like me to massage that, Dear?" Genma winced as her tired look turned into an indignant glare. The sword was raised for more whacking.

Behind them, a sleeping dragon woke.

"Oooooooh, my head. It feels like… POPS! I'm gonna- _going to_ kick yer fat panda butt clear back ta China!" Ranma staggered to his four legs and winced. "Ugh. Say, could I get some warm water?"

There was no reply. He looked up and saw that everyone was ignoring him in favor of the alien spaceship that hovered ominously overhead. Even his mom was staring upward, frozen in mid-whack.

Ranma watched for a moment, unsure if this was a_ bad_ thing or not. On the one hand, the aliens that he had met so far seemed to be shockingly reasonable people. On the other hand, most new people that he met wanted nothing more in life than to kill him as painfully as possible. Were aliens all the same? What would these new aliens be like?

Nabiki, switching automatically to Big Sister Mode, grabbed Akane up in a submission hold and dragged her behind the armored bulk of the dragon. No one else noticed.

The ship glided downward with a slow, dreadful majesty that sort of awed Ranma. He felt his throat flex and realized that his dragon body, acting purely by reflex, was ready to use its own method to fry the aliens should they threaten any of those that were his.

The ship grounded and suddenly vanished, revealing Ryouko, Washu and Kasumi, the latter holding a very strange animal.

"Oneechan!" Nabiki's eyes bulged out with amazement, her angry burden forgotten.

"N- Nochan?" Washu stared at her daughter, a regal looking woman armed with a sword, obviously caught in the middle of chastising the worthless jerk that she had married.

Ryoko grinned a hello at the obviously befuddled dragon and then examined her sister for the first time. The woman was stoic and formidable in appearance, with only a slight resemblance to herself and Washu. The face and hair color were suggestive of Washu, but the eyes were somewhat milder.

"Let me go!" Akane struggled fruitlessly against her sister's hold. Nabiki had learned the hold the hard way from Kasumi, who had passed it down from their mother. Nabiki had needed the move to control her violent little brute of a sister when it became absolutely necessary to restrain a tantrum.

Akane was utterly mortified that Nabiki could still carry it off.

"Oh, right." Nabiki let her fall, full mercenary attention riveted on this new datum. A profoundly simple equation was forming in her mind.

Friendly Aliens + Super Nice Kasumi Astoundingly Rich Nabiki.

"Meeeyaaaa!" Ryo-Ohki writhed ecstatically under Kasumi's expert petting. She had found a great new friend.

"Who are you?" Nodoka narrowed her eyes at the read haired woman. "You look familiar."

Genma stood, frowning suspiciously at the aliens. Aliens were from space. It probably had something to do with that Pluto woman. Pluto was in space, right? Screw space. Reacting without thought, as his training demanded, Genma snatched his wife up and vanished like a bad dream. Akane let out a loud squawk as her form disappeared an instant later, the slipstream of the Saotome family passage blowing Nabiki over and coincidentally dragging Kasumi right into Ranma.

"Meeeeyahhhowwwwch!" Ryo-Ohki protested loudly as she was involuntarily pressed into the sharp surface of the incredibly hard reptile.

The dragon swallowed. "Hehehehe! Funny thing, that's almost like a c- c- cat. But it's not. N- N-Not a c-cat. Not a… a… C- C- C- CAT! AAAAAAAAH! CAT! OH! OH! IT'S A C-CAAAAAT! A DAMNED C-CAT! OH, NO, A C-CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

Ranma sprang violently away, mind swirling and disintegrating into blind terror as he clawed his way into the air, fleeing to the north at just under mach one.

"Ranchan, wait!" Ignoring absolutely everything and everyone else, Ukyo demonstrated the famous single-mindedness of the Kuonji, instantly pounding off after him.

"Oh! Oh! Oh, _dooty! _I'm so _sorry,_ Ranma!_" _ Kasumi blushed and put a hand over her mouth. A huge, deadly-looking dragon falling into a blacked out psychotic episode was not a reassuring sight. Hopefully he would get over it before he ravaged some poor unsuspecting city.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Washu, reverting to a teary eyed child form, caused a terminal to appear in mid-air and set it to searching for advanced cloaking technology. "Come back, No-chan! Mommy loves you and will certainly punish that nasty man for you!"

"Wow! The invisible guy had to be Ranma's dad, but what in the fifty greater hells is wrong with Ranma?" Ryoko had been talking to Kasumi and knew something about the Saotomes, but Ranma's terrified reaction to the cabbit had her baffled.

"How Demon-Tail and Crab-Hair Girl know husband?" Narrow eyed and simmering, Shampoo considered summary action. These could well be new rivals, as yet unattached to Ranma, and thus eminently suitable for Amazon Obstacle Removal.

"Silence!" snapped Cologne, in Mandarin. The girl was an obsessed idiot. Hopefully that would change after a few children. "Show proper respect, girl. These are powerful folk." Turning to Kasumi, she essayed a somewhat strained smile. Life around the Son in Law was certainly never dull. "Good morning, Child. Won't you introduce us to your friends?"

-

Soun sat waiting at the table, sunk in gloom, knowing that he had utterly betrayed the sacred memory of his wife. How was he to enter her home, to bow to her shrine, to speak with her beloved daughters and to live on in the knowledge of his gross disloyalty? He was a ruined man, a lost soul living on only for his daughters. Now there was not even the prospect of a peaceful afterlife to look forward to.

Soun sighed. He had never thought that there could ever be another for him, not after the perfection that he had shared with Kimiko. He had never wanted another. Crumbling a bit of toast from the bread basket, his mind's eye wide open and staring into the bleakness that he had sown with his drunken lust, Soun felt the tears begin to drip down his face. Why could he never stand up to that evil little monster?

Soun wiped his eyes as he went over the bizarre chain of circumstance that had lead him to his present dilemma. Could there be another person in the universe quite so stupid as he?

A hand was suddenly on his shoulder.

"Are you all right, darling?"

Soun looked around and froze, heart hammering. It was her, Beryl, the agelessly beautiful woman that he had betrayed Kimiko with, come to eat breakfast with him. His heart, near to bursting, suddenly slowed as he found a measure of calm. How could he possibly be so attracted to someone so different from Kimiko?

"I will be, my dear." Pulling himself together, he stood and pulled back a chair, seating her. "Please forgive me, Beryl. I have much on my mind."

The woman cocked her head, seeing the tears. He had told her all about his life the previous night and she knew that he was feeling very guilty. Besides, he was a fundamentally good hearted man as well as being a truly unbelievable lover. She could forgive him anything at all.

"That's all right, Soun. We were both very drunk last night and both of us were hurting almost beyond human endurance." She picked up the menu and smiled at him, well pleased with the first full morning in her new life upon the world that she had once ruled. She had tasted power, mastery, triumph and despair, but never anything like the freedom of an ordinary life. "I can help you."

Soun smiled at her, feeling a sudden rush of warmth. "Thank you."

-

"Cat fist." Washu's voice was completely uninflected as she paced angrily. "How terribly interesting. My grandson suffers from random psychotic breaks and my daughter was used as a brood mare and abandoned. That Genma is certainly an _interesting _fellow." Much painful research would be in store for the panda-man.

"Genma is a_ dead_ fellow." Ryoko snarled, floating three feet in the air, her eyes glowing a solid scarlet. "I _will_ find him. I _will_ make him pay."

"Husband and Mother In Law no is really wanting Panda-man hurt." Shampoo was feeling quite intimidated by these alien-in-laws, but she seized her courage to speak up for Ranma's sake.

"Genma isn't exactly the worlds greatest person, but he spent a long time teaching Ranma." Nabiki was also reluctant to speak, not wanting to alienate the aliens. "Ranma wouldn't want him killed. Roughed up maybe, but not killed."

"Genma is a great martial artist, but an unbalanced fool. He knows nothing beyond his art, but he thinks of his art all of the time." Cologne was reluctant to admit it, but honesty was best with these otherworldly folk. "You may find him harder to take than you could imagine, Ryoko. I myself would have dealt with Genma long ago but the Son In Law is sadly attached to his father."

-

"Let me go!" Akane's arms were hanging limply with exhaustion down Genma's broad back, her hands occasionally brushing the ground as Genma jumped, weaved and generally covered vast stretches of ground at a terrific rate.

"Husband, stop! You have left our son!" Nodoka hung over his other shoulder, also limp.

"The boy can handle almost anything." Genma had little time for idle chit chat with either of them, concentrating on cloaking his presence and running like the wind.

Akane caught Nodoka's eye, frantic with worry. Both women were exhausted from their ineffectual beating on the Anything Goes master. Nether could lift an arm.

"But it was an ALIEN SPACE SHIP!" Akane shouted. "How is he supposed to 'handle' it? What about Kasumi and Nabiki?"

Genma grimaced. "It was the right decision, Akane. You are the most important to the future of the schools. Don't worry, girl, the boy is there. He will take care of them and of himself."

"LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!" Akane, with terrific effort, began slamming her fists into Genma's back.

-

"This big knife belongs to Nodoka?" Washu picked up the Saotome honor blade and eyed it, skeptically. "How primitive can you get? This thing doesn't even have a vibroblade setting. It probably can't even cut metal."

"It is a four century old katana, one of the first of its type to appear in Japan. Auntie Nodoka carries it as titular head of the Saotome clan." Kasumi would ordinarily have never spoken of such things, but this was _family._

"Maybe she would like it fixed up a little." Washu wasn't impressed with four centuries. She had shoes that were older. "Okay, then tell me why my daughter is the head of Genma's clan."

Kasumi sighed, wishing that Nabiki wasn't listening. "Uncle Saotome's mother was killed in a fire when he was a young boy. His grandmother found herself without an heir and despaired of her grandson's fitness to continue the line, until he began dating Auntie. She trained Auntie Nodoka in the Saotome Martial Art and presented the blade to her as a wedding gift. Saotome means 'Rice Planting Girl.' The Saotome matriarchs have ruled over their clan for as far back as their records go."

"Interesting." Cologne looked keenly at the blade. "Four hundred years, you say? That would be about the time of the last schism. The hilt is clearly Japanese, but the blade… the blade is very like Amazon work of that period."

Nabiki blinked, thoughtfully. "It would certainly explain a few things. Auntie told me that the reason Genma was so driven to join the Anything Goes school was because the Saotome Art is never taught to the boys."

Shampoo stiffened, utterly thrilled. "Airen doubly belong to tribe!" Ranma was an Amazon Prince by right of conquest, but as a naturally born Amazon he would be entitled to certain secrets that outsiders never learned.

"I would not be at all surprised if he did." Cologne smiled. Ranma's talent in the art was an anomaly, something that simply should not exist outside of the tribe. The rest of the Human Race had stopped breeding for strength long ago. No normal boy should have been able to defeat Shampoo so easily. Of course Ranma was nothing like normal.

"Ranma and Nodoka belong to me. Only to me. No one will force them into anything." Washu glared at the group, having heard Ranma's side of the tale from Ryoga and Ryoko.

"Shampoo is no needing force." Shampoo giggled, flushing. "Ranma is Husband to Shampoo by choice. Twice Ranma deliberately defeats Shampoo in formal challenge. If no want marriage, then why make challenge?"

"He's an idiot that can't stand losing." Nabiki snorted.

"So it's like that, is it?" Ryoko smirked. She already liked Shampoo.

Kasumi shook her head. "Ranma has a great many arrangements. I fear that the whole sorry thing is just another test of his father's devising. Women of every school of Martial Arts hound him and because of it Ranma must inevitably create an Anything Goes school of lying and manipulation. Uncle Saotome would treasure such an art."

Nabiki paled while everyone else blinked, shocked at this glimpse of this Machiavellian inner Kasumi.

"Well, that's all right with me! The more the merrier." Washu pulled out a couple of fans, fans with the characters for 'great grandchildren' emblazoned across them. She began to dance.

"Crab Hair truly Great Grandmother to airen." Shampoo had seen Nodoka do the exact same thing. "Sneaky Girl! Make compass to find Airen! Honorable Mother In Law will seek also."

"You can find Ranma?" Washu was suddenly in Nabiki's face. "Get to it then."

Nabiki looked into the little girl's ancient eyes and swallowed her impulse to bargain. "Of course, Mrs. Hakubi."

Washu smiled. She liked smart people. "You can call me Washu-chan!"

-

Ukyo plotted fiercely as she sat staring out of the window of the north-bound train. Ranma was almost certainly falling for her. The time that she had been able to spend alone with him had been crucial to the success that she was having, and that proximity had taught her enough about her future husband to give her a better than fair shot at landing him. She had to find him and stand by him before the aliens that he knew complicated matters. The fact that she was making progress scared her as much as it elated her, because now she knew how easily a wrong move on her part could screw everything up.

Glaring fixedly, she considered her possibilities. He had gone north, far north if she was any judge. The pointer turned much more slowly when the target was far away, and it had taken minutes for the toothpick to drift around to Ranma's direction before she had boarded the train.

Whipping out a small railway map, she considered her options. Ranma could cross tremendous distances in a very short time, especially since becoming a dragon. It was important to take many fixes on him, but that was impossible to do from within a moving train. She would be in Tokyo by morning, where she could debark to take a new fix, check on her restaurant and run a few errands before catching the night express north.

She begrudged the time, as there was simply no higher priority than Ranma.

Frowning, Ukyo took a careful look around before pulling a small, very heavy sack from her newly mastered ki fold. She kept the bag shielded from view by her pack as she contemplated it. There was another just like it in the ki fold, Ranma having pressed it upon her as a training aid when he had taught her how to make them. She was moving too fast to support herself as she usually did by selling okonomiyaki, so she was starting to run a little short of ready cash. Her Uncle Ito was working at the imperial stables in Tokyo, and he had always seemed to like her. Perhaps he would advance her some money against the sale of a coin.

-

"Hmpf!"

Sitting by a tiny fire, Ranma crossed his arms. The Old Panda had torn out a bunch of his whiskers and he could _feel_ it, even while he was in his human form. That old man could be _so_ annoying.

Taking a rather nasty old carrot from his stuff-space iron ration, Ranma carefully cut it up into minute bits to flavor the rice, eating the stub. Next, he broke up a mackerel jerky stick, crumbling it into the rice.

Resentfully, he hunched over the bubbling can of road grub and considered the meal that he _could_ have been eating. His mom would have cooked for him, aided by Ucchan, Kasumi and the Old Ghoul.

He had almost gotten the undivided attentions of some of the very finest cooks in all of Japan, but the stupid flea-brained Panda had panicked at the sight of common aliens and thrown that meowing thing on him…

Ranma swallowed. At least he hadn't gone full-cat in his dragon form. Kami-sama help Japan if neko-dragon Ranma ever flipped out and decided that he didn't like people. Or worse, that he loved the tasty, tasty people. On the other hand, the dragon seemed to be a little more resistant to the Neko-ken than either of his human forms. He hadn't completely blacked out, but he had really _flown_ for it.He was so far north that the people didn't even look Japanese.

Moving the billy off of the fire to cool, Ranma considered his future. There was one truly undeniable fact that he had to face.

"That panda _took me down!"_ Ranma's enraged bellow echoed back from the woods around him, briefly silencing even the wind rushing through the trees.

He could turn into a really cool dragon or that dog-thing, but he couldn't FIGHT in those forms. What good was having a cool dragon form if every bald old coot in Japan was going to cold cock him and rip out his beard?

Ranma grimaced, still feeling the phantom pain. Shit, what if the word got out? What if Happosai found out? He was balder than an egg, and wouldn't hesitate a second to skin Ranma alive with a spoon if it would grow one hair on his wrinkled, perverted old head.

"I learned to fight in girl form, I can learn in dragon form." Ranma picked up the can, grimaced and then gobbed his disgusting dinner down with extreme speed. It was truly revolting, almost as bad as something that Akane might offer him.

Throwing the can into the fire, he drew his knees up into a meditative posture and considered his future.

"Can't exactly go home, but home is coming after me. They're gonna catch up with me pretty soon," he mumbled.

Ucchan would find him fast and she wouldn't be able to shake Shampoo and the Old Ghoul. Pops could always find him too, and Mom would force him. That meant Akane and probably Nabiki.

"Nabiki." Ranma frowned. She was probably already selling him off to the circus or something. He personally couldn't see what use a dragon would be unless you were going to eat it, but she probably already had ten separate money-making schemes lined up.

Ranma belched and then sighed, shaking his head wearily.

All of those girls, all desperately chasing him.

All of those girls, expecting him to settle down in one place and to somehow morph into a sober version of Soun Tendo.

All of those girls, doomed to disappointment.

Ranma loved having a home, and he liked being wanted, but there was also freedom to consider. He could just see Ucchan, in a business meeting with a dozen cold-eyed gaijin executives, reacting to him bursting through a wall while fighting it out with Ryoga. Pretty soon, he would have to make a damn appointment to have a fight! Was that any way for a Real Man to live?

And Shampoo… Well, her village was just completely crackers. He liked Shampoo well enough, but the rest of the Amazons were whacked. He could just imagine himself trying to be a Chinese farmer with no one around to talk to but a bunch of super bossy crazy women with really nasty spice cabinets and nothing to look forward to but Mousse's monotonously incompetent assassination attempts. It would be boring as hell. And Akane… Akane talked in her sleep. She talked about Ranma's female form and ropes and chains and handcuffs and other things that made him faint with terror.

Ranma shuddered, stood up, kicked dirt over his tiny fire and walked into the meadow, surveying his surroundings. The land all about him was mountainous, like all of Japan, but this flat spot had seemingly been carved out of the mountains through main force.

Puzzled, Ranma frowned, rubbing irritably at the sparse stubble on his chin. Why had such an inviting spot been left empty? If the spot was ancient, it represented an incalculable amount of human labor. There should be buildings or ruins. If it was modern, it should be the site of a farm or an insanely expensive private estate. Every place that was reasonably flat had been cultivated in Japan as a matter of national security since the reign of the first Emperor.

"Probably got another damn thing out here scarin' 'em off," muttered Ranma. He would probably have to fight something. It seemed that there were an infinite number of deluded whack-jobs out there, all of them desperately searching for a first-class ass kicking. He was usually happy to provide that service free of charge to the deserving, but he needed some serious time to think over and integrate the many new things that he had recently learned into his art.

Sighing, he began a meditative Kata, considering his options. Obviously there was another force, a spiritual force besides ki that he could feel and effect. He had used it in a clumsy way to change shape, to attack the cave freak and to untie that stupid chocolate box. The force, call it magic, was external, and could be affected by his internal energies. It could shape and be shaped by ki. But how could he investigate it? Could he learn to use it as easily as he used his ki? No, not while he was still feeling so much rage.

Ranma, noticing the large horned oni emerging from the ground, grinned. He was grateful to the kami for providing him with such a tremendously convenient punching bag.

-

"Majesty, there is a new development regarding the Saotome situation."

The emperor looked up from his papers and frowned at the aid. "Continue, please."

"Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo have repelled a new demonic invasion in Minato Ku. The demons emerged from a portal in the usual manner and fell virtually on top of them. Although paralytic with drink, they proceeded to annihilate the infestation."

"Interesting. I hadn't realized that they were as powerful as that."

"Their master, Hap-

The emperor stopped him with an upraised palm. "Some names are never to be spoken aloud. Utterance of that name is expressly, _expressly_ forbidden under any circumstance within the Imperial Grounds and strongly discouraged anywhere else."

"As you wish, Emperor." The aid cleared his throat, embarrassed. He hadn't known. "The Grandmaster of Anything Goes appeared immediately after the battle and took the two masters away. There was some talk of a 'training mission,' but the venerable grandmaster grew suspicious and our agents had to withdraw."

The Emperor shifted uncomfortably, considering his options. He was well aware of the horrifying blight upon his family tree. He did not wish to be brought to the attention of the ghastly Happosai, mostly because one of his ancestors, a very young Emperor at the time, had made the mistake of asking the wicked old devil just what sort of training he could undertake that would make him the best possible emperor.

Happosai had asked leave to withdraw and consider at length.

The Evil Master's consideration of the problem had been on the order of an hour, because that was how long it took for him to find and to murder the Shogun. He had spent the rest of the evening rapidly dispatching the Ministers of the Left, the Right and the entirety of the first seven ranks of Imperial Advisors, before fleeing the country for a blessedly peaceful century.

The morning had revealed a very young emperor with a decapitated, chaotic government and no living advisors of any stature. He had been forced to take the entire business of government into his own hands, eventually becoming one of the most powerful and respected emperors, thus proving the brutal effectiveness of Happosai's 'training.'

No member of the Imperial Family had ever dared to ask for Happosai's help again.

Happosai had long outlived the resulting Imperial Proscription, but every Emperor tried to keep track of the rotten old devil and routinely warned his successor to avoid him.

"That is only to be expected. Have they left the city?"

"Yes, Emperor."

"What of the Sailor Scouts?" The emperor was getting a little anxious about his nation's lack of a creditable defense. Fortunately, Tokyo seemed to be the area most likely to be affected by otherworldly invasions and had seemingly developed defenses on its own.

"They are-

"Majesty!" Another courtier arrived, bowing. "Ukyo Kuonji has entered the grounds! She is in the stables!"

"Excellent." The emperor stood. This was a tremendous opportunity, perhaps the only way that he could introduce himself to Ranma's particular clique without resorting to invitations.

-

"What do you think, Uncle Ito?" Ukyo smiled appealingly at her father's oldest brother. Saddlemakers were comparatively rare in Japan and she wanted a really good one.

Ito stared at her, then at the photographs, dumbfounded. She had the money, but… "A dragon? Do you mean a real _living_ dragon, and not some statue or prop?"

"Steely scales, huge claws, terrible fishy dragonbreath and all!" Ukyo gave him a triumphant look. "My Ranma-honey isn't an ordinary man, Uncle. Not at all. He can shape shift, and his best one yet is a great golden fire-breathing dragon of the west."

Ito's mind reeled. "Ranma? Ranma Saotome? I thought that my idiot brother had you dead set on killing him for the 'honor' of the clan!" Ito spoke angrily. His brother was a true nutcase, twisted enough to raise his daughter as a son over a petty incident for which she could in no way share the blame. Ukyo was rather lushly built, and it was impossible to continue the charade, but judging by her masculine language his niece was still somewhat confused.

Ito hadn't formally left the clan, but he had removed himself to Tokyo and refused to remain involved with any of its obsessive ninja culinary arts after graduating from high school. There was little room left in the modern world for a cook that could fight that well, save as an assassin, and Ito Kuonji was not a killer. Besides, he couldn't boil water without creating a biohazard. Lacking much potential in the way of higher education, he had apprenticed himself to a traditional saddle maker and never looked back.

"_Kill_ him?" Ukyo smiled a startlingly wicked smile. "Never. Ranma is _mine_ and I'm going to _ride_ him, Uncle. I'm going to ride him long and hard. But… first, I'll need a saddle."

Ito frowned and then decided not to try and correct the girl. Ukyo was a talented martial artist, perhaps the very best of the clan, even if the clan dismissed her because she was a woman. "Very well, I shall make a small scale model from the photographs and rough something up so that we can discuss design. It would be best if I could examine and measure the… mount in question. Then we-

Breaking off, Ito swallowed and then bowed deeply. "Welcome, Your Highness! May I be of service?" He sent a brief prayer to any god that might be listening that the Prince hadn't heard Ukyo's somewhat smutty sentiment.

The Crown Prince, a married man in his late thirties, smiled easily at the Imperial Functionary. "No, I have actually come to see the young lady."

Ukyo's jaw dropped. She blushed, and then bowed awkwardly. She had no court manners to speak of. "Ukyo Kuonji, at your service, Your Highness."

The prince inclined his head in return, smiling a diplomatic smile that failed to conceal sharp, evaluating eyes. "Tenno Hekio and the Empress would find it convenient to take tea with you at four, Miss Kuonji." That was a little over two hours away.

Ukyo froze in mid bow and swallowed, panic in her eyes. She would miss her train, but an Imperial Request, even one with such ambiguous wording was clearly a command. "But… but… but tea with His Majesty… what… I don't have anything to wear!"

"Nonsense, Miss Kuonji, it will be very much the informal affair. We are all well aware that this was an unexpected opportunity. In fact, the Empress has sent Miss Sato to answer any concerns that you may have." He smiled reassuringly at her and motioned a woman in the quasi uniform of an Imperial Lady in Waiting forward.

-

Kodachi laughed and laughed at the emaciated specimen before her. He looked like death warmed over and absolutely reeked of sex. It was a truly fantastic joke that the dust had missed him.

Hikaru, standing in the Kuno garden, kept his temper. "Please, Miss Kuno, I'm begging you, when will it wear off?"

Kodachi finally laughed herself out. "Oh, Hikaru Gosunkugi, how delicious all of this is!"

Hikaru didn't feel the need to tell her that he had been persuaded to take the name of Hino. He wanted to see her die, but not die laughing. "I'm going to get killed when she snaps out of it, Miss Kuno. I know that I'm not worth much, but I'm still a human being and-

"Your death in that manner would serve a vital purpose for the nation, Hikaru. You should be proud." Kodachi was absolutely serious.

In his heart of hearts, Hikaru was an internationalist that regarded the concept of nationhood with suspicion. He was certainly not the type to volunteer for kamikaze duty. "What purpose is that?" Maybe he could run. Peru. There were Japanese people in Peru. The climate was supposed to be nice.

"You need to know?" Kodachi's eyes widened with pure astonishment. "My assurance that it is so is not enough for you?"

"This isn't the edo period and I'm not your retainer." Hikaru frowned. Who needed Japanese people anyway? Maybe he should go to Denmark and spend the rest of his life stoned.

"Very well, then. The Sailor Senshi, esteemed as they are, seem to have an unpleasant little plan for our future, Hikaru." Maliciously, she presented him with a neatly printed synopsis of the information abstracted from the Bureau of Public Security computers. "You could be nearly as vital to disrupting that plan as my Ranma-samma."

Hikaru was a very fast reader. "Oh. Oh, yuck. Well, I think that's all over with now. That nasty old grandmaster of Ranma's school did something really horrible to Pluto that took away her powers." He smiled hopefully at her. "So there's no more reason to get me killed like a stray dog in the street now, is there?"

"It would be rather amusing." Kodachi didn't really believe it, but by appearing to be cruel, one got great credit for the smallest kindness.

Hikaru lost his temper. "What have YOU sacrificed for the nation lately, lady?"

"More than you know. I fully intend to devote the rest of my life to Ranma's welfare." Kodachi considered that a primary duty. "I will do what I must to help him battle the enemy."

Hikaru snorted. "Like you wouldn't do that anyway, even if there wasn't any enemy."

"If it is impossible to become his wife, then I will become his mistress. If he will not have me as a mistress then I will become his servant in some other capacity." Kodachi was totally lying. She would poison the competition first.

"The cook, perhaps?" Hikaru's tone was acid.

"Why, you-

"Ahem. A message from the Imperial Palace, Miss Kuno." Priory proffered a silver tray, with an envelope on it.

Kodachi picked up the envelope, opened it and motioned Priory to leave. "It seems that we are invited to tea with the Emperor, Hikaru."

"Well before you go, how about doing me the honor of saving my life by telling me how long this love potion is going to last?" Hikaru had already given up on getting anything out of the crazy woman.

"We are both named in the invitation." She looked at his tattered ensemble and sniffed. "You are unfit to go before His Majesty. Come, you just have time to visit my hairdresser and to wash. The maids will take your measurements first and my dressmaker will cut one of Tatiwaki's old suits for you."

Hikaru gaped. "H-How did the Emperor know that I was here?" How did the Emperor know that he was alive? Hikaru didn't like being known.

"How indeed." Kodachi glared after Priory. "You must hurry."

"Not until you tell me what I want to know." Hikaru crossed his arms.

"I could deliver you to the palace perfectly dressed, clean and with a decent haircut, but entirely unconscious, Hikaru." She couldn't let him come from her estate to the palace looking like that.

"You could just tell me, and I'll do whatever you want."

Kodachi sighed. "The effect of the potion is negligible after the first twenty four hours."

"Really?" Hikaru brightened. Maybe Rei really did love him!

Kodachi hid a smirk as two of her maids entered the room. He was so very gullible. In fact, she had no idea how long the powder would last. She doubted if he would be killed though. Perhaps beaten to a pulp and ejected onto the streets in his underwear, but not killed. Gesturing at the stunned boy, she addressed her minions. "Take this and clean it thoroughly. It must be dressed for tea at the palace in one hour. Have Imelda cut one of the suits that Tatwaki outgrew for him. Send Yuyen out for shoes."

Amid a swirl of curtsies, the maids drew a grinning, unresisting Hikaru away.


End file.
